The Egyptian Goddess Isis was known, among other things, as the Initiator into the Sexual Mysteries. In some ancient cultures, young people were initiated into the sexual aspects of their lives by priests or priestesses specifically trained for this purpose. Can you imagine how your sex life might be different if you hadn’t had to learn all about sex through the fumblings of your own experimentation?
Some of us had particularly abusive or violent initiations into our sexuality. I, for instance, was raped by two men at the age of 13. I had just started to bud into my curvy, womanly body, and was learning the power of my feminine wiles, when I found myself in a compromising position, which I had trouble getting out of. Then, several months later, the boyfriend I’d been dating for several years and I decided it was time for us to have sex for the first time. He carried me over the threshold and up the steps, laid me down on his waterbed, and we proceeded to have a delightful time. Until afterward, when he called me a slut and a liar, because I moved too naturally for that to have been my first time, and I didn’t bleed. I had already told him about the rape, but that didn’t seem to matter to him. I ended my first voluntary sexual experience in tears and feeling just as ashamed and dirty as I did after my first involuntary experience.
Many, many years later, I became involved with my current beloved, who taught me about the Qadishtu path. I shared with him, as so many of us do, my early sexual history, including those two experiences I just mentioned. He suggested that we re-do my virgin night. I agreed. He was gentle and patient and asked my permission every step of the way. “May I kiss you now?” “May I caress your breasts?” “May I remove your shirt?” He made it clear that we could stop anytime I wanted. He also pretended to teach me how to touch him in ways that he liked. And when I would have sped things up, he slowed them down, explaining we had all the time in the world. It was sweet, and loving, and moving, and everything a first time should be. That night, he was my Qadishtu, my sexual initiator, my healer. Old, old wounds that I thought I’d gotten over, but were really just scabbed over, were finally put to rest in his loving hands.
Posts
3 comments:
Inara,
This is such an incredible lovely, and loving, telling experience; it brought tears to my eyes. Would that we all have just such a chance to redo all the negative experiences in our lives. I think that you and your beloved are both very beautiful and fortunate individuals.
Daien
What a wonderful idea your beloved had! This is also something Qadishti could implement in their own healing practices, a truly transformative experience.
I had a similar experience when I was in my early twenties. My boyfriend and I re-enacted my being a virgin. (I describe it fully in Tales of a Sacred Prostitute.)
I didn't have quite the negative experiences that you did, as my introduction to sex, but my first time was with a boy who was also a virgin. Neither of us knew what we were doing, and it wasn't very good. Doing this play-acting later touched something deep inside me. A need that I didn't even know about was filled that night, in creating a first time that was filled with honoring, asking permission, and with a man who knew what he was doing and was concerned about my pleasure.
Wouldn't it be great if we did get to be initiated by someone who knew what they were doing? I wonder what a different world we would live in if this was the case.
Post a Comment