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These stories are real, though some details may be fictionalized, to protect confidentiality and identities, but these are actual accounts of Qadishtu moments. Stories can be told from either the point of view of the priest or priestess or from the perspective of the client/seeker/supplicant. The point is - what do we actually DO? This blog seeks to help answer that through example. What we do is incredibly varied, depending on our individual experience, training, gifts, and inclinations, and that's why this is a group endeavor. We all have gems to contribute to the larger understanding of what it means to be Qadishtu and the significant need for this role in our society today.

Please be sure to see our Calendar of Sacred Sexuality & Qadishtu Events at the very bottom of this page!

Wednesday, June 10, 2009

Learning Opportunities

The previous few months had been, in a word, challenging. The kink event we’d attended in February ushered in an unprecedented period of transition in my relationships. My mate and I had weathered storms I’d never anticipated, and our girlfriend was experiencing a blossoming that, though beautiful to see, had her fairly involved elsewhere. As we prepared to attend another large kink event, I found myself nervous and unsure of myself. So many situations were still unresolved, so much still hung in the balance, and I was terrified that something I might do, or not do, would tip the scales one way or another. I found the sense of uncertainty overwhelming.

I'd planned to spend Saturday night primarily in the Scarlet Sanctuary (yeah. hiding...and yeah, I know...I'd been hearing "Mother Abbess" from The Sound of Music reminding Maria that "These walls aren't here to hide behind, you have to go face your problems" all week in the back of my head). But sacred touch is something I *know* I can do, a place where I fit (and focusing on loving other people is a really good way to get my mind off myself). My mate and I started off the evening by watching our girlfriend and her new girlfriend scene with their mutual crush, a woman who really knows how to work with energy. Then he walked me to the Scarlet Sanctuary, kissed me, and promised he’d come back for me later. I walked into the “intake area”, and waited until one of the folks running things emerged from the Sanctuary space (not wanting to interrupt the flow of anything going on by just walking in), and let her know I was ready to get started. And immediately found myself in the "aftercare" area, being asked to help someone ground who'd had an emotional reaction to the sacred touch and needed holding. I recognized the lady - she'd been in a class earlier that the four of us (myself, my mate, our girlfriend and her girlfriend) had attended - a class on "releasing control", that turned out to be an extremely good "how to do relationships honestly and openly" kind of class. And I remember this lady talking about polyamory, and that she was having a hard time dealing with the transition in her relationship...and here she was, sobbing in my arms, admitting all the fears that I'd been dancing around with my mate the past few months, and facing something *this* weekend that I was facing (on a slightly different scale) *the following* weekend...needing my help to deal with the very things that had me hiding in the Scarlet Sanctuary in the first place.

Sneaky bitch, that Goddess of mine. *sheepish look* Kind of a dirty trick, but OH I got the message loud and clear.

I forget sometimes that I'm not the only one who gets scared. But I've been given tools to deal with it, and after all this time and all the BAD and all the pain, I've been blessed with wonderful partners who work with me and help me through it, and with all that blessing, I need to share what I know. What I've learned. "Tricks of the trade" of poly relating, so to speak, I guess. And, if I was going to hide out in the Scarlet Sanctuary to get my mind off myself, Mom wasn't going to let me get away with it without making me face my own demons, and helping someone else through the fire (thus helping myself). So I did. And continued - we exchanged e-mail and blog addresses before she left that night. And we've been talking. And it's been helping - both her ('cause she told me so) AND me. In my case, working with her got me out of myself and helped me remember the GOOD stuff, instead of focusing on the fears. Which is what I needed most of all, I think. Not that I still don't have fears – even though my mate and I walked through that particular fire and came through tempered and stronger than ever. But I know my mate loves me, and we're solid, and as I made it through this challenging period, we’ll make it through others when they come along. And as I've been the shoulder for someone who's been hurting, I know I have a host of shoulders to lean on when I need it.

So "What have you learned, Dorothy?"

You may try to run away from your problems, but you never really leave your “own backyard” behind. And apparently, when it comes to deity, my mate isn’t the only one who dances with tricksters. :) Mine are just a little less obvious (but a lot less subtle when they wanna be).

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