Most seekers can't articulate what they are looking for or why they are interested in our services. They often are attracted simply because we are not about any one thing. Results-oriented Chaos Magick and Flow is very important to TI. Being open to whatever happens.
My wife Amanda wrote a post here on 10/3/08 about a married couple (Vi and Leo) we took to a local BDSM playspace. While she and Vi interacted with a submissive stranger, Leo watched from the sidelines, wishing he was the one tied down and being done. Yet something was stopping him. We explored this a month later in the privacy of Elmslie Manor's Temple space.
This couple had come to us wanting to expand their sexual horizon's and their married relationship. Yet there is almost always a hidden agenda. Fortunately, in this case it wasn't marital boredom, infidelity or lies. Vi was already sexually expansive ... Leo however was consumed by fear. We negotiated a BDSM-ish session on the Temple altar were Leo would be done by Amanda and Vi with my creative input.
Everything emotionally imploded with the blindfold and bondage scenario I concocted. Leo confessed that he had been anally gang raped as a teen and his desire for a submissive scene involving a power exchange was being thwarted by the painful memories. I knew he needed to feel safe, loved and realize he had control. We took off the blindfold and restraints and told Leo to relax. This is your fantasy, what do you want?
He told us his fantasy and we did it very carefully, always checking in to see how Leo felt. It wasn't long before blindfolds and bondage were no big deal for him and Vi was able to enjoy her husband without Qadishtu help.