Easing pain of seekers

I recently met a lady at a wedding reception. "Z" was sitting by herself along a wall. While she was busy watching others dance and mingle I was quietly observing her. I watched her toes tapping out the beat of the music but realized that Z was unable to join in the revelry, at least in part because her ankles and feet were extremely swollen. She was overweight but not so large as to justify the size of her ankles.
I could almost feel the anticipation in her posture, that, at any moment soon, someone would invite her to join in the fun.
The invitation never came.
I pulled up a chair next to Z and introduced myself. It turned out that she knew who I was, via a mutual friend, who referred us both to a group online. Small world but we had 'met' before,

even if it was only online.
I noticed that she hadn't eaten and so I offered to get her a plate of food from the kitchen downstairs. After I delivered the food, I got sidetracked in other Hostess duries. When I returned Z had cleaned her plate but was looking even more forlorn than before. So I sat with her again.
Although I was in my Hostess mode and wanted to keep the talk light, she began to talk.

Z opened with the beginning of her infirmity, which tragically began when an automobile hit her as a pedestrian, leaving her physically impaired. The subsequent lack of mobility resulted in weight gain and loss of self-esteem. Each of us is allowed to choose our reactions to our life situations and unfortunately this became her reality. To further compound matters, Z's husband of 26 years died just eight months ago. She viewed this as a final nail in the coffin of her previous identity. Her pain was palpable.
The story continued through most of the night even into the final cleanup when the discussion ensued about sleeping arrangements. My host admitted to me that Z had mentioned that she would be more than happy to bunk with me in my bed. I realized how lonely she was but I still didn't feel that sharing my bed was a viable option in this situation. Our host reminded me that this was fine as it was my choice and there were other options available.
Z seemed at a loss as to which direction to go. Almost instantly the Goddess had me offering my hand and asking to join me in sharing comfort. I lay down beside her and laughed with her about..... about, well nothing of import.
Sitting up next to her, I leaned into her and covered her in my embrace. The Goddess flowed through me into her belly and heart. Aligning her chakras, the Goddess allowed me to feel her pain centers. There were many. The Goddess guided my hands and empowered me to caress her entire body. Z began to touch me and I still her hand and whispered that this was the time she needed to release her desires to me. Z needed open and let me comfort her.
As her body opened I let the Goddess and the Goddess' innate sensual nature drive my hand into her yoni. I suckled at her breast. My head feel to her belly and she grabbed my hair and pulled me into her orgasmic release. I had a tiny ripple of pleasure that warmed my blood and soothed my soul with my acknowledgement of fulfilling what the Goddess wanted of me. That was my reward from the Goddess.
I held my lady.
My Goddess held me.

Believing

I have a saying that I repeat to my mate on a fairly frequent basis, whenever I sense he's feeling like he's not contributing enough, or when his insecurities make him question his worth as a poet and an artist.

"I believe in you enough for the both of us."

I think that sometimes it's that belief in other people, even when they don't have the strength to believe in themselves, that sparks so much of the healing we do in this practice. Whether it's belief in their beauty, in their worthiness to be loved, in their ability to receive touch and have it move them, in their spirit and the connection of that spirit to deity that so many times they can't see for themselves - we believe in them enough for the both of us. And seeing OUR belief, they begin to believe it too.

I wrote this poem for my mate, but I share it for you. All of you. Whether you read this blog because you seek healing or understanding or that touch of deity in your life; whether you read this blog as inspiration in your practice as a Qadesh or to gain insight into your healing work; whether you read this blog to gain understanding of a path that is different from your own - I believe in you. :) I believe in you - please believe in yourself.

Believing
9/12/07

They lied to us.
With their certificates on the wall
And their credentials in hand
Advisors in everything but truth
They told us the moon and stars were in reach
If only we could obtain the magic scroll
That would make our lives complete
Give us purpose
Make us experts
And suddenly, like the scarecrow,
We would think deep thoughts and be seen
As leaders of men
Yes, they lied to us.
But the realization is a set back
Nothing more
For they lied about something else
We don’t need their validation
We don’t need titles or degrees
Or credentials to make our futures legitimate
We just need our dreams
Our belief
Our vision
And our drive
We can be anything we wish to be
If we see it, name it, and make it so
They can’t hold us back
And they can’t make it real
Only we can do that
The power lies solely within ourselves
If we choose to believe.

And if your belief falters…
If the dream seems out of reach
Or the damning crowd gets too loud
And you find yourself spinning and spinning
With nothing solid to grab on to,
No benchmark or beacon to point the way
Take my hand,
Take a deep breath,
And see the truth in my eyes,
Look deep into my heart and know
That I believe in you enough for both of us.
And that belief is what will get you there
Not some piece of paper
See the moon and the stars in my eyes
Reflected as I look and see the moon and stars in yours…
And go for it.
You’ll make it.
I believe in you.

Feast of Intimacy

It was his birthday, and after a delicious home-cooked meal among friends, she had him shower, shave and dress nicely for a secret reservation she'd made for them at 8pm. Before leaving the house, she tied a blindfold on him and led him out to the car. She drove around for a bit, wandering aimlessly in an attempt to confuse him, before finally arriving at their destination. She even called ahead and when I picked up the phone, she said "Hello, this is Rosa Martinez. I have a reservation for two at 8:30, but we're running a little late." I assured her that we would "hold her table." When they finally arrived about 10 minutes later, she guided him to the door where I greeted them.

"M'lord, m'lady," I said with a head bow to each. "Your place is ready." She then removed his blindfold and he could see me, standing in a long white satiny gown, with my hair brushed out and long down my back, and silver bangles sparkling at my wrists. These were long-standing friends of mine, but this was the first time they’d come to me in my role as priestess, as Qadishtu. I led them into the building and said, "I understand the occasion for your visit to the Temple this evening is to celebrate this one's birth." She answered in the affirmative, her voice quiet and subdued, and yet full of anticipation. I continued, smiling up into his eyes, "So let us show him just how much the Goddess values his existence." And with that, I took his hand and guided him up the steps to the Temple itself.

As we reached the top of the Temple, I motioned at the altar and said, "You may now pay your respects to the Lady." I had them both kneel before Aphrodite and spend some quiet moments in contemplation and worship. I then stepped up behind and between them and started gently stroking their hair, faces and necks. I said, "We are here tonight to celebrate your birth using the Goddess' gifts of love and pleasure. My Lady Aphrodite, be with us here tonight. Bless us and guide us during our rites of celebration this evening."

After another couple of moments, I took his right hand and her left, and bade them rise. We turned together and passed through the veil to enter the inner sanctum. I used my hand to indicate that they should get comfortable on the bed, and then I began to strip for them. I swayed my hips and held their gazes as I slowly and sensually removed my gown. Once I had completely disrobed, I grasped his hands and raised him to his feet. I looked over his shoulder at her, and with a smile and a nod, I invited her to help me remove his clothing. Then he and I turned to her and did the same. His grin was infectious and soon we were all naked and smiling widely.

“Now, we have a special dessert for you, Birthday Boy!” With that, I removed the covering from the tray that was sitting beside the bed, revealing a bowl of whipped cream and several trays of fruit, including ripe strawberries, mouth-watering mangos, and tart cherries. I handed him the bowl of whipped cream and instructed her to lie back on the bed. After she was comfortable, I dipped a finger into the bowl and streaked the dollop of cream down between her ample breasts and encouraged him to decorate her any way he desired. He artfully covered her nipples and her newly-shaved crotch with the fluffy cream. I then handed him a platter of fruit, and strawberries and cherries joined the cream in fun and delightful patterns. Finally, I smeared the juicy mangoes around the mounds of fruity cream he’d made, coating her skin in sweet and sticky goodness.

He and I took a moment to admire our handiwork, and then as if on cue, we each lowered our mouths to her breasts to begin devouring our delightfully wiggling and squealing dessert! After it had all been lapped up, I broke out the wet wipes and we went to work cleaning everyone up. Now, we could get to the part he was really looking forward to. She had told me in advance that one of his fantasies was to be in a threesome, and she told me that she only trusted me to be that third party. So now she and I laid him out on the bed and slowly kissed up and down his body, occasionally kissing each other as well. We proceeded to give him the time of his life and by the end of it, we were all snuggled up together, with big smiles and deep sighs of contentment. I thanked the Goddess, and then I turned and thanked each of them for their trust in me. They thanked me for gifting them with such a wonderful birthday gift for him. What was even more amazing was when they contacted me several weeks later to express thanks again, for they were beginning a relationship with another woman; something they’d never even been able to consider before their experience with me.

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For an erotic visual treat of fruit, cream, and chocolate, check out Clean Sheets magazine.

Qadishtu youth education

One important job of most Qadishti practicioners is education.

Many of us give presentations, workshops, write articles or books and mentor others. Some of us have students, apprentices and trainees. Most of us also have children or young adults that we are responsible for.

I think preparing young people to handle sexuality and relationships is part of our job. It's also a hot topical concern that's frequently tossed into the Lake of Oblivion to cool off and disappear. Our schools can teach the mechanics and biology of sexuality, enlightened parents can be open and unembarrassed with their hormonally confused children, but something they need is still missing.

Maybe a safe, facilitated place to explore their questions and feelings with peers. A place to learn about the responsibilities of sex and relationships, how energy exchanges work and most importantly a sanctuary that protects them from judgement. They need to know that we ALL feel weird and different from artifical, societally imposed norms.

Years ago Terra Incognita had a skilled Priestess in her mid 20's (now in her 30's and pregnant with her first child) who wanted to help us form a family-oriented outreach group called Caer Aelwydd. We had a lovely series of classes that were multi-generational and did PG-rated ritual together. However, Amanda and I felt our teenage children needed their own program. We suggested this to Dr. Elsbeth Meuth and Freddy Zental Weaver of the TantraNova Institute and they percolated the idea carefully. It's risky creating a workshop for teens (14 to 18) about relationships, intimacy and energetic exchanges that will fully engage them, yet not get anyone upset or arrested.

In the Spring we sent out son Robert and some of his high school friends to participate in a focus group at TantraNova and now we are finally looking forward to their inaugural Summer Youth Program. Based on the responses we got from the focus group, the five week program on Sunday evenings from 7/19 to 8/16 should be very meaningful and interesting. We felt that Elsbeth and Freddy Zental were the ideal choices to do this type of Qadishtu work with our son and his teenage friends, since they are trained professionals and don't have the problem of being Mom and Dad.

David

The Perfect Conduit

I’ve spent much of my life being unconventional in my approach to healing work. For years I have included sexual energy as part of the healing process. That’s unconventional enough for most people, but I have also experimented with another area that feels even edgier to me.

When I first started doing sexual healing work, I kept a clear distinction between me, the “healer”, the one who was holding the space, and the “heal-ee”, the one who was receiving the healing. But as I worked more intensively with people, it became harder to maintain those boundaries.

I have done lots of long sessions – being together all day, or several days in a row. I have even camped in the desert for a week with a client. With that amount of exposure, the artificiality of the “healer/healee” relationship begins to dissolve.

At first when this would happen I was horrified. I wasn’t supposed to let my own issues be activated! I wasn’t supposed to cry, or feel uncertain or vulnerable. But it was like trying to stop a river. If it were there, it would flow.

Surprisingly enough, I found over and over that the more authentic I was, the more the client received. I tell the story of one of those times in my book, Tales of a Sacred Prostitute. As I allowed myself to be vulnerable, I allowed my client to be strong, to not be identified as the weak one. To be a man, and to learn how to hold space for a woman.

This issue recently surfaced again. I stopped to see a client at the end of a long trying trip. I was tired and barely recovering from a massive psychic attack received earlier that week. I arrived at his house worn out; bare bones.

Meanwhile, he had built up an expectation that our time together would be ecstatic, that I would show him a glimpse of enlightenment. (No pressure!)

In our last time together, we had begun to work with how his energy could feel invasive to a woman. I had started teaching him about how to husband his energy, to use it to attract a woman rather than invade her.

As we got together again, he told me about a workshop that he had just attended. To make a point about how women and men experience the world differently, the leaders had asked how many woman had considered their personal safety in the last week – parked under a light, didn’t go down an alley, etc. All the women raised their hands. Then they asked the men. None of them raised their hands. My client was having trouble understanding this and found it hard to believe.

As the day wore on, between brief glimpses of enlightenment, issues began surfacing in me about safety. On many occasions, I felt invaded by him. I don’t think this had anything to do with him; it was the issues I was carrying before I got there.

So here’s where it gets sticky. Am I wrong for having my issues? Did I serve him by those issues arising? Since the things that I was feeling are very common feelings in many women, perhaps I was acting as a conduit for that particular energy – a woman feeling unsafe and invaded. Perhaps I was giving him the experience that he needed in order to learn to be with a woman in an intimate relationship, to learn how to be in order to build trust.

I often expect myself to be the perfect channel, a portal to enlightenment. There are times, moments usually, when I can be that. But then there I am, a messy human being like any other, doing the best that I can.

When I begin a session, I always ask that I be used by Spirit for service to the highest good. I try to surrender as much as possible, and let my personal self get out of the way. But what if Spirit is using my personal self, my personal issues, as part of the teaching or healing for that person? Can I surrender enough to let whatever happens just be there in the space?

What if the other person doesn’t like it? What if he had an expectation of something that didn’t get met? It’s easy to doubt myself at that time. But the words to a song keep coming through:

“You can’t always get what you want . . . But if you try sometime, you just might find,
You get what you need.”