Easing pain of seekers

I recently met a lady at a wedding reception. "Z" was sitting by herself along a wall. While she was busy watching others dance and mingle I was quietly observing her. I watched her toes tapping out the beat of the music but realized that Z was unable to join in the revelry, at least in part because her ankles and feet were extremely swollen. She was overweight but not so large as to justify the size of her ankles.
I could almost feel the anticipation in her posture, that, at any moment soon, someone would invite her to join in the fun.
The invitation never came.
I pulled up a chair next to Z and introduced myself. It turned out that she knew who I was, via a mutual friend, who referred us both to a group online. Small world but we had 'met' before,

even if it was only online.
I noticed that she hadn't eaten and so I offered to get her a plate of food from the kitchen downstairs. After I delivered the food, I got sidetracked in other Hostess duries. When I returned Z had cleaned her plate but was looking even more forlorn than before. So I sat with her again.
Although I was in my Hostess mode and wanted to keep the talk light, she began to talk.

Z opened with the beginning of her infirmity, which tragically began when an automobile hit her as a pedestrian, leaving her physically impaired. The subsequent lack of mobility resulted in weight gain and loss of self-esteem. Each of us is allowed to choose our reactions to our life situations and unfortunately this became her reality. To further compound matters, Z's husband of 26 years died just eight months ago. She viewed this as a final nail in the coffin of her previous identity. Her pain was palpable.
The story continued through most of the night even into the final cleanup when the discussion ensued about sleeping arrangements. My host admitted to me that Z had mentioned that she would be more than happy to bunk with me in my bed. I realized how lonely she was but I still didn't feel that sharing my bed was a viable option in this situation. Our host reminded me that this was fine as it was my choice and there were other options available.
Z seemed at a loss as to which direction to go. Almost instantly the Goddess had me offering my hand and asking to join me in sharing comfort. I lay down beside her and laughed with her about..... about, well nothing of import.
Sitting up next to her, I leaned into her and covered her in my embrace. The Goddess flowed through me into her belly and heart. Aligning her chakras, the Goddess allowed me to feel her pain centers. There were many. The Goddess guided my hands and empowered me to caress her entire body. Z began to touch me and I still her hand and whispered that this was the time she needed to release her desires to me. Z needed open and let me comfort her.
As her body opened I let the Goddess and the Goddess' innate sensual nature drive my hand into her yoni. I suckled at her breast. My head feel to her belly and she grabbed my hair and pulled me into her orgasmic release. I had a tiny ripple of pleasure that warmed my blood and soothed my soul with my acknowledgement of fulfilling what the Goddess wanted of me. That was my reward from the Goddess.
I held my lady.
My Goddess held me.

River Goddess

The South Fork of the Yuba River is probably my favorite place on earth. The clear water tumbles over granite worn smooth over hundreds of years of spring run-off from the snow packs in the Sierra Nevada Mountains. Aspens and pine trees tower on either bank, and in the late afternoon, when it's hot, their branches are rustled by gentle breezes. I've spent countless hours floating in the placid pools and shooting through the rapids on the Yuba.

After the short, hot hike, I threw off my clothes and hopped into the cool water. It was mid-July, and the water temperature was perfect, cool but not cold. I spent some time swimming from rock to rock, getting reacquainted with the river. After a while, my beloved joined me.

It was a Monday, and there were few people around. We swam a bit upstream to a secluded spot, and found a large, partially submerged rock. He leaned against it to anchor himself against the current. I put my arms and legs around him, and we began to kiss. The feel of the warm sun on my face and the cool water rushing around us was intoxicating. As we continued to kiss, I felt his phallus getting erect. I guided him into me

As we bobbed gently together, buoyed by the water, I called to the river's spirit to come into me. I felt a boundary within me dissolve and became part of the great flow. I felt the power of the water, sometimes a gentle trickle, sometimes an angry, destructive torrent, welling within me, ebbing and flowing like my emotions. The sun, the water, the rock and our bodies were tangled together, separate yet all part of each other. When I finally climaxed, the world began to regain some of its solidity.

We continued leaning against the rock, kissing and looking into each other's eyes. Suddenly, I felt something brush against my cheek. I looked down, expecting to see a broken branch bobbing through the water. Instead, it was a small river snake. Startled, I screamed, and she swam off. When I calmed down a bit, I realized she was saying hello and recognizing me as a kindred spirit. A blessing, indeed.

The Lady of the Dark Fire

I saw a client yesterday who was in crisis. She had been fighting with her boyfriend, and her neck was hurting badly. As I laid my hands upon her neck, I told her that it was all right to cry. Soon she was sobbing loudly.

She moved around the floor into different positions, crying and then screaming. She remembered being molested at age seven, in the dark. I stayed with her, following her energy.

Then she sat up. Her body softened, and she started saying “OK” over and over. I asked her permission, then held her yoni with one hand. My other hand touched her spine lightly as she rocked her body. I didn’t know exactly what was happening, but I knew that it was important.

She got to a place where she could talk again, and told me what had happened. A goddess had spoken to her, one who is of the dark fire. The goddess told her that it was time to dedicate her life to the dark fire, that she could make no more plans of her own. It was time to serve the dark fire. My client surrendered to this, and was at peace with it, even though she didn’t know what it meant.

Today she called me and told me that the session yesterday had changed her life. She was more relaxed at work than she had ever been. She is willing and even excited to do this service.

It is such a privilege to be a midwife for such an opening. I am honored to do this work.

Inanna's Embrace

Sometimes our job as Qadishti is to witness, to validate, to affirm another's sacred sexual experience. Xavier, a Qadishtu Blog reader, sent me the following description of just such an experience he had recently, and gave me permission to post here...so we might all bear witness to the power of Inanna, Goddess of Sacred Prostitutes...

Thought I'd share with you an experience I had yesterday. I was sitting in a pew at the liberal and welcoming church I attend, and the minister led us into a "pastoral prayer" that involved his speaking and then a moment for meditation. As he started speaking, I closed my eyes and relaxed. I invited Inanna to hear this prayer being spoken and to "come unto me." Within just a moment, I felt Her presence behind me. I could picture Her there, her robes white and hanging perfectly from Her shoulders. The gown, however, was open and the garment exposed Her breasts, between which my head was cradled. She reached around and placed Her hands gently on my forehead, massaging my brow. It was just exquisite. Such peace.

My shoulders loosened and relaxed as She embraced me. Her hands then moved down, over my shoulders, across my chest, and I shivered as my body reacted to Her loving touch. Then, without a word, I felt Her push through me and She began to place Her Holy Presence inside of me. That is, She moved forward through the pew and sat down inside me. She moved Her arms to mimic where mine were; She nestled Her long legs to conform with mine and She seemed to be amused as Her feet slipped into my shoes. For a moment there, W/we were together in the same space. I felt Her breasts on my chest, I felt the warmth of Her vulva as it meshed with my stiffening cock. There was a flash of pleasure, intense and gratifying, in my head and then she kind of melted into every cell and was gone. The minister said, "Blessed be," and I opened my eyes, astonished at what had just happened. I stood, then, and a bit wobbly, sang with the rest of the church these words that seemed to fit the experience so well (and made me wonder how they had been chosen):

Return again, return again, return to the home of your soul

Return again, return again, return to the home of your soul

Return to who you are. Return to what you are. Return to where you are. Born and reborn again.

Xavier

Under the Full Moon Light........

She moves gracefully upon the wind
She outshines the morning and the evening star
She calls me the Daughter of Making
She gives me the wisdom to listen
She takes me to the greatest heights of the world
She opens my heart and pours in Her love
She persuades me to accept all who seek…………….

I am a Spiritual Guide and Priestess who follows the call of the Goddess.
As a Her Priestess, I have been able to communicate Her ways to others
who seek. I answered Her call and posted to an invitation to the women in
my community. The idea was to have two rituals celebrate the full moon
and the dark moon. I create rituals to help others connect with the divinity.
The notice was a call out to those who felt a need to be surrounded by other
women and allow me to take them on a journey under the moonlight as
well as through total darkness.

A questionnaire was sent to each participant. It began with “Within
every woman, there lives a powerful force, filled with good instincts,
passionate creativity, and ageless knowing” We are the Maidens, the
Mothers, the Warrior Women, and the Crones. We are magickal, we are
the mysteries, we are the soul of the Earth, and we are Her Strength.
We are Goddess, Witches, Weavers…We are Women!’ I asked how they
would like to be addressed in circle, what is your sun sign, do you recognize a
patron Goddess, if so what is Her name, what element do you feel associated
with, and finally which Goddess phase are they in now. They indicated either
Maiden, Mother, Nymph, Temptress, Warrior Woman, or Crone. They were
asked to bring a candle that represented themselves and a Goddess
Representative (statue, flower, whatever they felt moved to bring).
And I asked the to complete an exercise and write down their maternal heritage
starting with I am so and so, daughter of…, granddaughter of... There were 34
participants who RSVP’ed with answers to my questions. I sent out a reminder
of what to bring as well as directions to a beautiful home nestled in the woods.

After a few days, the buzz of anticipation began to take root. The questions
about what to expect and what would we will do once we are together. I r
esponded that we would explore the mysteries......it could be your life as a Maiden
(which is a term used for anyone who is not married/ or married but without
children), Mother is anyone with children or who feels the resposibility as a Mother
in some fashion, Nymph/Temptress are really aspects of those who like to frolick in
the woods(figuratively and literally) flirty, self assured etc, The Warrior Women... is
a mother or someone of a certain age who is a protectress of her family and friends
and doesn't want to move into the Crone stage yet, and then there is the Crone...she
has embraced the wisdom of her life and gives it to others. I also told them we will
built the circle together...this will be more of an energy circle.....if that makes sense.
I will certainly explain it when we get there. Trust me. There is no prep work
needed just contemplation on your part...questions like why am I here, what do
I want to learn.


The day of the ritual arrived July 28, 2007 and I had a few lovely assistants
who helped me set up the house and the ritual space. Within the house, we
had fresh flowers, foodand wine. Outside, we created a ritual space. We had
two altars and torchesindicating the circle. Once the women began to arrive,
I wanted to be dialedinto each of their reactions and moods. I saw the delight
upon their face at seeing the ritual space and the house so close and inviting.
I asked eachof them to place their Goddess Representations and their candles
on the main altar. After placing the objects down, there were led into the house
where they were asked to wait patiently until all participants arrived. The last
carload arrived and the tally of women in attendance was 26.

I began the night with a small welcoming speech. I told the women present
that it is time to meet to the Goddess and commune with nature out in the
open and receive Her thoughts, blessing and gifts. I asked them be receptive
and allow themselves the opportunity to be guided into a space that honors
who they truly are. I gave them a sheet with a few chants like “We all come
from the Goddess”, “I am the Goddess” the Spiral Rhythm’s version, and “She
Changes Everything She touches” to sing to raise energy and prepare them
for their journey. I then asked them to follow me outside.

I asked three women to be the Maiden, Mother and Crone aspect to lay down
protections and blessings upon the circle and receive each woman as they
entered. The Crone gave them instructions to light their candle upon the
altar and then find a place around the circle to stand. Once everyone was
in the circle, I began the work to draw and cast the circle and place us all
between the worlds. We then honored the elements, the Goddess and the
God. Then all eyes were on me. I began to invoke the Goddess. I turned
to the women and now is the time to experience your true nature. You will
have a direct link to the Goddess. My voice was loud yet gentle and
commanding. I told them that I would lead them on a journey and I asked them
to be open and receptive once again. I asked them to turn a gaze upon the Moon.
There She is high in the dark sky. Her glowing faces looks down upon your
skin. See Her brilliance….Feel her caressing you as you raise your
hands to greet Her….. Can you hear her voice calling to you… Taste Her
energy and Now SPEAK her name…..The women spoke the name
of their Goddess. I then led the in a Drawing down the Moon within
Meditation and told them to speak to the Goddess. They begin
to sway and move in place. I walked behind each woman and spoke to them
and I said what they needed to hear. I remember words like let go, I hear
you, you are strong, you are beautiful….. and they spoke to the Goddess
through their tears and words of thanks. When I laid my hands upon their
backs, they began to speak loudly as if they felt Her touch.

When each women slowly stopped talking with the Goddess, it became quiet.
I could hear a few sobs then the women started to hug each other. They started to sing
“Circle around the fire” on their own. The song was just a perfect way to
send their requests out into the universe. The ritual continued with Cakes and wine.
As the wine goblet passed around the circle, each woman spoke of thanks to the
Goddess and the women gathered. They spoke of connections not normally made
amongst women and how the ritual had changed their lives. They spoke of love
and life as well as being in touch by the Goddess.

Once we finished the ritual, we returned to the home of J and I gave them each
a gift made by L. I commissioned earrings and bracelets made in representation
of their experience. They were put in bags that were colors of the elements. I
asked each woman to choose their gift. Once they opened the bag, I told them
that this is gift is a reminder of this experience. May you wear them and feel
the love of the Goddess and each woman here. May you begin a journey of
appreciation for yourself and others. May you always remember that you
are never alone and that She is always within you.

The ritual was crafted and designed to establish a connection with the Goddess. She
lead me to a vision of women who would embrace Her and realize that She is within
each of them. Showing someone the love, touch and embrace of the Goddess
is my greater work and I hope to have many opportunities to give of myself in this
way for all who seek Her within this body.


Some of the women wrote to me about their experience during the rituals. Here
are their own words.....

“......Then to reach out and feel Her presence above, below, and all around us.
To me it was like she sat me in Her lap and had a talk just with me even though
there were so many of us there. Everyone was talking to Her, either outloud or
to themselves, but you were so drawn to Her, that I couldn't hear anything but Her
and what She was saying to me. I felt Her all through my body and every woman
there, it was like we were all ONE. I drew Her into me. I drew everyone of those
beautiful women into me. Then we shared cakes and wine and went around and
took a moment to reflect and share”

“Finding the Goddess in the sky and reaching out to her....requesting, asking,
some of us (including me) begging for her to come to us....tears.....from within
and without.....and finally peace. Our gifts, L you're amazing, were our
reminder and our transport back into that time and place. Then the words from
each, our feelings, more tears....some walked to comfort and show love to their
sisters with the knowledge that the tears were now filled with joy. She took away
and gave us what we had asked for. We all knew it. She had given us another gift;
a gift of a new life, a new time, a new beginning. There were no longer strangers
only sisters, all were hugging each other, all declared love for each individual and
for the whole.”

“Gryn, I will repeat what I said last night. You have been my light, my beacon,
my lantern in the darkest of my days. I have longed for this since we first talked
about it right before Beltaine last year when you called me on the phone (the first
time we ever talked) while you were driving to Atlanta. (do you remember?) You
are my sister, my friend, my light.”

“I was sent up the road with firmness and a fierce seduction and confidence that's
(unknown to most) rare. I was walking on air. The power of that circle didnt have
nothing to do with the weather heat which I realised was actually chilly once I came
down. I was overflowing from every pore, power...mmmmm good. It was an addictive
exhuberance that I can get used to.”

Amazing and life changing experiences happens to those who seek the
Goddess. It was a beautiful night of memories I won't ever forget. The
Dark Moon ritual happened just a few weeks later and that was a totally
different experience. I hope to share it in the days to come......

Namaste'

I am a Qadishtu

Each and everyone of us wear different hats throughout the day. Sometimes I wear the Soccer Mom hat, sometimes I wear the Organizer hat, several times during the day I wear the Mom of Teenagers hat, etc.
Every role that I take on can be both aggravating and wonderful and sometimes both at the same time!

One of the hats (hereafter referred to as a veil) that I really am growing to love is that of a Sacred Sensuality Facilitator also known by some as Qadishti. Even this hat can be both aggravating and wonderful at different times. But this is one hat that encourages me that Life can be rewarding and gives me hope that I can reach out and help people who ask for help.

I am a Qadishtu.

Sometimes I doubt myself in this. Sometimes I doubt more than other times.
But then I get a reminder from someone else.

There was a night, not too long ago, when I was involved in a ritual where I was learning, but not quite connecting as I felt that I should. Something didn’t feel just right. I was tempted to step aside and meditate.

The Goddess Aphrodite has been flitting around me all night. She doesn’t ever stay for long, she just stops by occasionally. It is actually rather annoying, but one thing I have learned is to not argue with a God, at least not to their face. So I try to reason with Goddess Aphrodite. Not so good either.

As the ritual circle passes around again, I find myself with one of my loves, and we begin the left-eye connection with our right hands over our partner’s heart. Ok, now this I can connect with!!

I am now thinking how glad I am that I did stay and didn’t leave to meditate, when, suddenly my body turns and walks away. I am leaving my partner without a word as I begin walking towards another dancer.

As I approach, I open my arms and enfold this young lady in my arms. She doesn’t hesitate. She lays her head on my shoulder and cries silently. I think that it almost would be better if she would wail and let out her anguish.

At this point, the Goddess Aphrodite is more me than I am me. Aphrodite speaks through me and tells me that I am there to comfort this young lady who is trying to hide her pain in regards to her significant other who is mocking her interest in this search for spiritual enlightenment.

I pull her back from my shoulder and Aphrodite raises my hand to brush back this young ladies hair and gently stroke her face. I find my hand wiping away her new tears and then I begin to speak Aphrodite’s words, “You are a beautiful and strong person. You are a Goddess. You must find and love the Goddess within you before you can expect another to love your Goddess”.

Throughout this time, I am gently caressing this young ladies face and she even turns her head into the cup of my palm seeking re-assurance.

Now I realize that my partner, one of my loves, is with us in the embrace. He is here listening and offering his support. He understands, even better than I do, that it is Aphrodite speaking and holding this young lady in pain. The three of us are swaying to music in harmony. I am starting to learn that dance is as much about touch as it is about rhythm.

The dancers continue to circle about us, but we three are in our own little bubble. Aphrodite continues to speak through me to encourage this young lady to love herself and that she is a Goddess herself. (I don’t even remember all the words that she spoke, but my dance partner/lover ensures me that it was quite lovely to hear.)



We do rejoin the other revelers and the dance again. I am now back completely in myself and Aphrodite is gone. I say a prayer of thanks that she chose my body to help heal. I am not at all familiar with having a Goddess or God or anyone in me, and this was the first time that I really could open myself up enough to let any of them inside me and yet feel every sensation. It was awesome and yet aggravating and wonderful as well. I found it was much like any of the other hats that I sometimes wear.

I am a Qadishtu.

Qadishtu Ritual - Embracing Life & Death

Embracing Life & Death

A ritual of rehumanization

8/15/06

Inara de Luna

Temple of the Red Lotus

He entered the Temple and was welcomed by a silent, beautiful and graceful priestess who directed him to deposit his personal belongings in a niche set aside for that purpose. She helped him undress and wrapped a robe around his shoulders. After sitting him on a couch, she then knelt before him and lovingly washed his feet with warm, scented water. He relaxed under her ministrations and allowed his mental processes to shift to a more meditative state. He inhaled the incense wafting through the room and felt himself begin to let go of the tension that had become a constant part of his life for the last week or so.

The priestess dried his feet with a soft towel and then held out her hand to help him stand. She indicated he should follow her, and she led him up the stairs to the altar room. She left him kneeling before the altar, with instructions to make his offering to the Goddess and to meditate on why he was here.

Unwrapping the bundle that he’d brought with him, he picked up and gently held the two specialty tea balls he had bought especially for this occasion. Cupping them in his hand, he raised them in front of his face and proffered them to the statue of Aphrodite, praying that she help him heal and thanking her for the forces of Eros and Love in his life. He placed the tea balls in the offering dish at Aphrodite’s feet and bowed his head in silent contemplation.

He wasn’t sure how long he would have to wait for the Goddess to appear in the form of the Priestess, and he wasn’t sure what he was expected to do. He knew that she was going to perform a re-humanization ritual of some sort with him, to cleanse him of the experience of the hunt he’d just returned from, but he had no idea what form this ritual would take. As he sat before the altar, he struggled to achieve a state of acceptance and wrestled with his feelings of impatience. He was unused to inactivity and uncertainty. In the field, even though he never knew what sorts of animals he would encounter, he always knew what was expected and he knew how to handle himself. There was always an element of danger and risk, but he maintained a large measure of control. Here he felt he had very little and had to trust in the process.

Finally, there was a movement behind the curtain that led to the inner sanctum. Someone was emerging, someone clothed all in black robes, completely concealing all features and body type. She entered the altar room and stood before him, with bowed head and slightly outstretched arms. As the figure inhaled deeply, her head and arms both raised and he could feel the Goddess descending into the body of her Priestess. And then she spoke:

“I am the Dark Face of the Goddess. I am She who rules over Death and Transformation.”

He bowed his head in supplication and acknowledgment. She continued:

“You have just emerged from your own place of Darkness. Will you offer me your story?”

He looked up at her and nodded. “Yes, Lady, I will.”

She nodded and brought her hands together in front of her body, palms up forming a cup, as if She would physically hold the story he shared. He began:

“I don’t normally hunt or have any desire to hunt, but my brother asked me if I would join him on this adventure with our father. It seemed like a great opportunity for a bonding experience with my brother and father and so I agreed. It wasn’t until later that I found out just what kind of hunt this would be……

As he finished his story, She closed her hands and bowed her head. Then she brought the palms of her hands to her chest and pressed them into her heart, as if absorbing the story into her being. “Thank you for sharing your story. I will cherish it.” She was silent for another couple moments and then began speaking again.

“Death is a natural part of life. Destruction is a necessary step on the cycle. Some people feel tainted by death. But death is sacred. As sacred as life. The balance must be maintained.

“By seeing death, you stand witness to that divine transformation. By inflicting death, you become my sacred instrument. You wear my face and perform one of my sacred duties.

“You have been transformed. I honor you as you must honor yourself for this sacred role you have played.

“But now, life calls to you once again. And you must value that life and embrace it with all the vigor and enthusiasm it demands.

“As the wheel turns, the cycle progresses, and I become, once again, the Maiden.” She removed her black garments and revealed the lithe body of a young woman. “Through me, you are healed and renewed.” She kneeled before him and spread her legs, framing her yoni with her hands.

“Come, embrace me! And partake of the joyous gifts of life and love that I offer you!”

She then led him to the sacred bower and lovingly sponge-bathed his entire body with warm rose-scented water. Once cleansed, she covered his body with warm kisses, her lips soft and inviting on his sensitive flesh. His lingam stirred and she took him in her mouth until he was fully erect. Then she took his hand and helped him to sit up, while she laid back and arranged her legs to either side of him. “Partake,” she whispered with a smile. He lowered his head to her yoni and began gently licking her lower lips, lapping at her moisture. He worshipped her until she cried out in bliss, then he raised himself up and entered her with a long thrust.

Enveloped by her body, he felt himself energized. His soul merged with his mind and his body, and as a more integrated being than he was when he entered the Temple, he repeatedly joined his flesh with hers. As their bodies rocked together, their energy fields merged and became one, and they became a perfectly balanced, unified whole.

He continued thrusting, while she lifted her hips to meet his thrusts. In his mind’s eye, visions of life, death and rebirth played out, over and over, in rapid sucession. He lowered his head to catch her mouth with his own, and let their tongues mimic the dance their lower bodies were enacting. The energy built and swirled around them until finally, he felt her begin to pulse around him. Her inner flesh spasmed and milked him until he couldn’t contain it any longer, and with a shout, he orgasmed. The boundaries of their skin ceased to exist for that moment; he couldn’t tell where he ended and she began; and his vision was filled with stars. All thought stopped and even physical sensation ceased for a terrifying moment. Had he just died? But then, the sound of her satisfied moans and slowing breathing filled his ears, he could feel his lingam still spasming, and her hands felt like silk on his back. The scent of their pleasure wafted up to his nose in a wave and he knew, without a doubt, that while a piece of him had died, it had been a transformation, and he was yet very much alive.

As the orgasm subsided, and he floated down to the bed, to rest with her head pillowed on his shoulder, he fancied he could hear every individual cricket outside, he could detect the beating wings of each bird, he could almost feel the beating hearts of all the people in the houses around him. He was filled with a sense of awe and an overwhelming feeling of compassion for all the creatures he could detect. And with that, he gave thanks to the God and Goddess for this gift of love, pleasure, ecstasy and connection.