More info about this blog

These stories are real, though some details may be fictionalized, to protect confidentiality and identities, but these are actual accounts of Qadishtu moments. Stories can be told from either the point of view of the priest or priestess or from the perspective of the client/seeker/supplicant. The point is - what do we actually DO? This blog seeks to help answer that through example. What we do is incredibly varied, depending on our individual experience, training, gifts, and inclinations, and that's why this is a group endeavor. We all have gems to contribute to the larger understanding of what it means to be Qadishtu and the significant need for this role in our society today.

Please be sure to see our Calendar of Sacred Sexuality & Qadishtu Events at the very bottom of this page!

Saturday, December 27, 2008

Where it all began

The Qadishtu Path began for Amanda and I with Martine over twelve years ago.

Amanda went to our nearby Lake Michigan beach every morning to watch the sun come up at dawn and journal before going to work. One day a lovely 20-year-old redhead was there, naked inside her loosely wrapped blue terrycloth bathrobe. They made small talk together that summer day and after many similar morning meetings became friends.

Martine confided that she was a virgin in a strange relationship with her live-in boyfriend J. He had an aversion to touch ... no kissing and no "normal" sex was possible. J only liked bondage, whether it be with him bound, or Martine immobilized. He was in therapy to deal with a variety of psychosexual problems and she had been OK with their situation because two teenage traumas had induced vaginismus (technically colpismus) ... the fear of being sexually penetrated.

They were completing their undergraduate degrees and lived a block away from us with several other university students in a large apartment. It was a typical college environment where everyone was exploring their sexuality and new adult freedoms. Martine and J had been a couple for two years and she desparately needed to release her pent up sexual feelings with someone experienced who would go slowly and not violate her boyfriend's trust.

Summer turned to autumn and their mornings at the beach ended. One weekend day Martine showed up at our door with a rose for Amanda and I finally met her. My wife had broached the possibility of me being the one to assist her sexual awakening and while Martine really liked the idea, I had strong doubts. She was the same age as our youngest daughter and I was 21 years older. My wife and I had not yet opened up our marriage to outside partners and this was a very radical proposal to me. Another big concern was J and his feelings.

So, we had them both over as a couple to dine with us and discuss how everyone felt. At the end of dinner J came up to me and said he would be eternally grateful if I'd help Martine. He was wracked with guilt about his inadequacy to perform and the pressure was making it worse. In fact, J had become addicted to alcohol trying to obliterate his shame and self-loathing. These two young people really loved each other, but had some serious problems to work out.

I finally agreed to assist Martine with her sexual fears. This was not difficult duty as she was bright, attractive and very fit. Even still, I had not had a partner other than Amanda for the previous 13 years and was slow to initiate our first session. So slow, that one day when Martine was over, she said it was time and then led me into our guest bedroom. Our tryst was very unplanned and spontaneous, which was key to relaxing her PC muscles.

We had talked about what eroticized her. Martine was very turned on by older, professorial men. She also had a spoken foreign language and strong reading fetish. So I read a German novel to her for a while and we began a slowly building eight hour session with lots of foreplay that was not stopped by vaginismus or fear. By the end of our loveplay Martine was no longer a virgin and my Path as a Qadesh had begun.

Postscript: This exchange in late 1996 was the unofficial beginning of Terra Incognita and our attempts to integrate expansive sexuality with spirituality. Martine was present when we began the Symposium discussion group on this topic and went on to be an important part of the Temple after she graduated and studied for a year in Rome. Once M's fear of sex was gone, her appetite was insatiable and I had many memorable explorations of my own sexual boundaries with her (fodder for future posts). Martine became our most financially successful Qadishtu Priestess in her late 20's and eventually left Temple work to get married and raise a family.

Unfortunately, we were unable help her boyfriend J. He sank deeper and deeper into alcoholism and extremely self-abusive BDSM practices. Martine loves him to this day, but after they graduated and toured Europe together his unwillingness to face life and grow as a person, led to their eventual breaking up. I really wish we could have done more to help J, but one reality of Qadishtu work is that not everyone is a good fit for the paradigm.

You win some and you lose some.


Friday, December 19, 2008

Karuna Blessing #1 - Connecting to the Inner Feminine

Anoint the third eye:
May you truly see
The Goddess’ divine beauty
Within yourself
And in everyone you meet

Anoint the left palm:
May you deeply feel
Her divine love

Anoint the right palm:
May you share that love
With others

Anoint the heart area:
May your heart be free
Of all negativity

Anoint the genital area:
May your genitals be honored
As Her divine instruments

© Inara de Luna, 2008


Last spring, the Temple of the Red Lotus offered Karuna Sessions at the festivals we attended. Karuna is a Sanskrit word that roughly translates as “compassion.” These sessions were an opportunity for individuals to receive Sacred Touch in a formal, highly ritualized way from trained, compassionate, Qadishtu priests and priestesses. Each person went through the process individually, and received the full attention of all the Temple staff. When they first approached the entrance to the Temple, they were blessed and anointed (see above). They were then led into the Altar room, where they sat before the Altar and had their feet bathed by one of the priests or priestesses. At that time, boundaries and needs were discussed quietly, and then the seeker was led into the Inner Sanctum, where they were introduced to the other two or three priests or priestesses present. The seeker was invited to lie down on the mattress and then they were surrounded. Urged to relax and receive, the Seeker then enjoyed the ministrations of the priests and priestesses, within their stated boundaries. The Goddess often led us to say certain things and move the energy in certain ways, depending on what each individual seeker needed from Her.

Everyone who experienced this left that tent transformed. One young man told his Guide during the foot bathing that he desired to connect with his feminine side. During his session, I encouraged him to breathe into his internal feminine parts, to truly feel his inner Yoni as well as his outer Lingam. I moved the energy through his sacral chakra, until I felt him begin to loosen up. His breathing deepened, his muscles relaxed, and his receptivity widened broadly. He started being able to accept our ministrations without attempting to reciprocate, as he had been in the beginning. The Goddess spoke through me, honoring both his masculine and his inner feminine. By the end of his 15 minutes in our loving, healing, accepting, compassionate circle, he was smiling. I knew then that something had shifted deep within him, but it wasn’t until I saw him the following evening that I truly understood. This man who had been having trouble accessing and connecting to his inner feminine came prancing up to me in a short skirt and halter top. He practically squealed when he saw me and twirled to show off his new purchase! He said that his session so profoundly awakened his connection to his inner feminine that he just had to play with how it felt to dress like a woman. He was so excited and pleased, and grateful to the Temple and those of us who had helped him reach a place of feeling comfortable experimenting with his gender.

Monday, December 15, 2008

Touched by Love

I had recently gotten out of a relationship, and was looking for some new playmates. I put an ad on Craigslist Casual Encounters. B. was one of the guys who answered my ad. We agreed to meet for dinner.

B. was in town for a few months to film a movie. He was a bit shy and awkward, a classic "nice guy." He had mentioned before that he was the sort of guy who women always wanted to have as friends, but never as a boyfriend. He came across much more confidently online than he did in person - he was a comedian, and a very funny writer. We spent a pleasant evening talking, though it took some effort to draw him out.

When we finished dinner and were standing outside by the car, I decided to tell him a little bit about my priestess work, and asked him if he'd let me practice on him (I was fairly new to the path and wanting to further hone my skills). He thought it sounded intriguing, and we went to my house.

We went in the bedroom and I lit some candles. I explained that I would channel the goddess for him, and asked him if there was a particular goddess who interested him. He immediately said Aphrodite, because she is the goddess of love. While she is not a goddess I normally work with, I agreed, and allowed her to come into my body. She was lighter, more playful than I expected, sweetly sensual and joyous. Through me, she began to make love to B.

The sex was short, but sweet, and afterward, we lay in each others' arms and chatted. He looked into my eyes and told me that they were beautiful. I said it wasn't me, but Her that he was seeing. I was having a hard time focusing; my eyeballs jittered as if I were drugged. We caressed each other, and kissed and talked some more. He had an early day the next day, so I drove him back to the place he was staying. He kissed me goodnight, and thanked me for a very interesting evening.

A couple of months later, I got an email from him (he had put me on a mailing list announcing his upcoming appearances). He told me he was getting married. It turned out that a couple of weeks after we had seen each other, he was in his hometown, and had met someone. He was clearly smitten with her, and she had moved out to Los Angeles and moved in with him.

It was quite a turnaround from his previous experiences with women as he had described him. I believe that Aphrodite had put Her mark on him, or at least given him confidence to open his eyes and his heart to what the world had to offer him. It wasn't the first time it has happened after I have embodied the goddess for a man, and I'm sure it won't be the last.

Saturday, December 6, 2008

Mysticism and male virginity

Several years ago a young filipino man ("B") came to an impromptu Terra Incognita party after socializing with us at the monthly outdoor Pagan pot luck we co-hosted. As usual, things got a little wild and crazy upstairs in the house and this somewhat shy man took me aside so we could speak privately.

"B" was a nice looking, 24-year-old, who was concerned because he was still a virgin. He was thinking about "sacrificing" his virginity on my altar as an offering to the Temple. I asked him questions and learned that he had a job working with his mother while he went to school. She was a devout Catholic and despite his new interest in Paganism, had hopes he'd eventually join the seminary. "B" was questioning the post collegiate seminary plan and asked my opinion. There was more. Up to this point he'd avoided intimacy with girlfriends because he'd wanted to graduate without distractions. "B" also said as a child he could smell colors and even see spirits, but he stopped doing that long ago, because it was strongly discouraged by his family.

I told him I was not the person to give him advice about whether or not he should go the seminary. His virginity was a different matter. I felt he had three choices. I could physically take him through to orgasm on our altar which would consummate his union with the divine. "B" could find himself a girlfriend that he cared about who would enjoy sharing this moment with him. Or he could just find a random person to take his virginity. The third option is not as complicated as the other two and much preferred by the majority of people David and I come across.

He smiled and said "You should be a marriage counselor."

No, I'm practical and a Qadishtu Priestess.

The other part of "B's" concern had to do with tapping back into his "power." I led him to where he could stand over our Temple "vortex" -- the core of where our energy seems to be strongest. We stood facing each other and he closed his eyes. Mind you, David came in to change the party music and there was activity all around us in other rooms. We were surrounded by noise. I told him to put all the chaos into the "background" and see what happens. He closed his eyes and was GONE. He stood straight up for 25 minutes. I started getting scared. I saw he was experiencing rapid eye movements, he was peaceful, but I wanted him conscious. When he came to he said he felt someone holding him up by his armpits. One of his arms was rising during his trance and he said he felt someone lifting his arm.

Very cool.

Immediately after this mystical experience the young asian man decided to confide in me. The virginity issue had been impeded by fear. "B" showed me his penis which was bent at an extreme angle. He would need corrective surgery to function normally, but I showed him there were still things we could still do. We did them and he quickly felt much better about his sexual fears.

Next day he went on a local Pagan list and thanked me profusely for reconnecting him with his roots. I had very little to do with this. I only facilitated what he had actually decided to do for himself.


Wednesday, October 29, 2008

The Lesson of R

The below is an account of my personal experience during a local event.

My husband (C) and I decided that one of the things we could do to help contribute to our local event's fundraising efforts was to donate a certificate for the sacred touch/massage deal that we perform. We had one bid...for $100. I guess the person wanted to ensure they got it. We didn't know him and he didn't know us, but for whatever reason it must have been something that appealed to him.

I walked into the dungeon Saturday night after bids had closed and had two people approach me to tell me that the winning bidder was R - this "creepy old guy". One of these ladies had to stop a scene with him the night before because she was getting very uncomfortable with him.

I decided I would wait for C before trying to find him and talk about when to give him his session. I also now had in my mind "creepy old guy" and was apprehensive about it.

R was from our of state and therefore wanted to be able to have the session Saturday night of the event. Thankfully C had thought ahead about that possibility and had put our supplies in his bag. It was graciously suggested that we could use one of the tables in the scarlet sanctuary to work on him, which was a much better location than the medical room which was the only other room with massage tables in it.

We got R on the table and started working. I was very proud of C as this was his first time giving a massage to a male. I noticed that he was equally as attentive as he has been with everyone else we've worked on. He paid attention to the fact that R said his feet give him trouble and so he made sure he paid special attention to them. He didn't cut his time short. It was a very generous donation and he deserved the full time.

I realized shortly into the session that I still had "creepy old guy" in my head. I took moment to take a deep breath, reach deeper for the Shakti goddess energy and transformed my thought to "older gentleman in need of loving touch and attention". My focus switched, my touch became more energetically fueled and I let go of everything else.

R was so very appreciative. (mostly for C's most awesome massage...I think I was truly just an "add on" for him) Later that evening D came in and tapped me on the shoulder and told me that R was looking for me. When I walked out, he handed me a bottle of Michigan syrup that he had made himself and thanked me again for the time. I kissed his cheek and thanked him.

Older need of loving touch and attention. A very valuable lesson learned.

Saturday, October 25, 2008


Last night, at a "munch" (social gathering before an event), I had a seeker, brand new to any 'alternative' experience come sit with me. We talked, and she shared some issues that brought her out tonight - issues with the boyfriend, sexuality, fear of her own lack of interest. We talked some and we will talk some more later perhaps.

But the hostess came to me and expressed her appriciation that someone could do that with me. "Do what?" I asked. "Come to you, a near stranger, and express her reason for being here, her fears, her self doubts. You give off that sense of safety. That people can share intimate details with you without fear of you (taking advantage of them)".

For me, it is very important to both give off that energy as well as to be that person who can be trusted. For a person to be able to work with a Qadishti and although sacred sexuality can be part of our work together, they are always safe and don't have to worry about sex being anything more than a helpful tool we can share. Never something taken....

Beginning to cultivate this aspect of myself began when I read the below passage....

“A male Tantrist’s attitude toward women is very different from the ordinary male’s. Indeed for the former, all woman embody Shakti and they are not a sex object to be courted for their favors or game to be hunted. Tantric men are neither Casanovas nor Don Juans. Even if she is alone with a male Tantrist, she has nothing to fear; she is totally safe and free to act in any way she pleases.She is respected and will never be bothered or harassed.” (Andre Van Lysebeth, Tantra:The Cult of the Feminine, 1995, p. 84)

Friday, October 24, 2008

Notes from Client ~X~ ... Our first sexual exchange

This this the third post in a series that began on September 12th. Real feelings from a real person. (All names being used here are psuedonyms except for that of David and Amanda who are ~X~'s Qadishti Temple Providers)

A great deal of interpersonal work enabled ~X~ and I to directly address the idea of intimacy during the October Full Moon. It took approximately six weeks of information gathering and getting to know one another before this happened, a much shorter period than I had thought possible. I feel honored to be engaged with someone like ~X~ who has been extremely open to sudden shifts in tempo and trusted my judgement during the process. She definitely took some big risks to change her relationship with the Temple of Terra Incognita last summer. Enjoy ... ~X~ is a skilled writer and her notes on our first sexual exchange are amazing.

Postscript 2/2/09:

This series of posts have been deleted and/or altered at the request of our Client who felt exposed (even though completely anonymous) by having such personal information on the internet. I think her shared thoughts were very valuable contributions to the Qadishtu Experience blog and thank her for allowing them to educate others during the time they were available to be read. I feel Client privacy concerns are always paramount in any Qadishti relationship and must be honored above everything else.


Wednesday, October 15, 2008

Inanna's Embrace

Sometimes our job as Qadishti is to witness, to validate, to affirm another's sacred sexual experience. Xavier, a Qadishtu Blog reader, sent me the following description of just such an experience he had recently, and gave me permission to post we might all bear witness to the power of Inanna, Goddess of Sacred Prostitutes...

Thought I'd share with you an experience I had yesterday. I was sitting in a pew at the liberal and welcoming church I attend, and the minister led us into a "pastoral prayer" that involved his speaking and then a moment for meditation. As he started speaking, I closed my eyes and relaxed. I invited Inanna to hear this prayer being spoken and to "come unto me." Within just a moment, I felt Her presence behind me. I could picture Her there, her robes white and hanging perfectly from Her shoulders. The gown, however, was open and the garment exposed Her breasts, between which my head was cradled. She reached around and placed Her hands gently on my forehead, massaging my brow. It was just exquisite. Such peace.

My shoulders loosened and relaxed as She embraced me. Her hands then moved down, over my shoulders, across my chest, and I shivered as my body reacted to Her loving touch. Then, without a word, I felt Her push through me and She began to place Her Holy Presence inside of me. That is, She moved forward through the pew and sat down inside me. She moved Her arms to mimic where mine were; She nestled Her long legs to conform with mine and She seemed to be amused as Her feet slipped into my shoes. For a moment there, W/we were together in the same space. I felt Her breasts on my chest, I felt the warmth of Her vulva as it meshed with my stiffening cock. There was a flash of pleasure, intense and gratifying, in my head and then she kind of melted into every cell and was gone. The minister said, "Blessed be," and I opened my eyes, astonished at what had just happened. I stood, then, and a bit wobbly, sang with the rest of the church these words that seemed to fit the experience so well (and made me wonder how they had been chosen):

Return again, return again, return to the home of your soul

Return again, return again, return to the home of your soul

Return to who you are. Return to what you are. Return to where you are. Born and reborn again.


Tuesday, October 14, 2008

Wordless Gifts

When the Temple of the Red Lotus attends pagan festivals, we usually bring a large (10’ x 20’) tent that we decorate with beautiful wall hangings, carpets, pillows, and an elaborate altar. We offer workshops, rituals, and private sessions. Sometimes, we simply offer a new way of thinking or of viewing the world. Most of what we do is talking, but sometimes we communicate love, acceptance, safety, and comfort wordlessly. I remember one time when an older man (somewhere in his late 60’s or early 70’s) strolled by the Temple Tent while I was sitting outside it. I was taking a break from all the people and was quietly reading a book. I looked up as he passed, smiled, and nodded hello. He smiled and nodded in response, then continued on his way. A short time later, I looked up again as I heard someone approaching. It was the same older gentleman, coming back from the direction in which he’d gone earlier. He smiled as he approached and I smiled back. I was getting ready to turn my attention back to my book, when he stopped on the path beside my chair.

I raised my eyebrows at him and said “Hello,” out loud. He introduced himself, and then asked if he could sit with me for a few moments. He asked me about the Temple and my path, and we spent quite awhile talking about that and about his life. Turns out he had lost the ability to get and maintain an erection for quite some time. Although his wife claimed not to desire sex, he still missed the pleasure he used to find in sex and orgasm. We discussed various other ways he and his wife, or he alone, could enjoy sexual pleasure without needing an erection, and without needing to pursue orgasm. He thanked me for my time and my suggestions and went on his way once again.

Later that day, as I was walking down the path from the Temple Tent toward the Kitchen, this gentleman caught up to me and asked if I would walk with him for awhile. We wandered away from the more populated areas of the gathering, and found a fairly secluded spot on the Ritual Hill. He confessed that he had started to feel a stirring in his penis while he and I had talked earlier, and he was wondering if I’d be willing to let him caress my breasts while he lay in my arms. This man was a consummate gentleman and I felt utterly safe with him. I agreed to his request by laying down on the soft grass and gathering him into my arms. After holding him quietly for a few moments, I took his hand and slowly guided it up under my shirt. As his hand made contact with my breast, he gasped, then moaned in pleasure. It had, indeed, been a long time since he last allowed himself to explore another’s body.

After a sweet interval of gentle caressing, I moved my hand to the top of his waistband and looked at him questioningly. He nodded, and I gently reached into his pants. He was partially erect, and I began to stroke him, slowly. His eyes closed and he allowed himself to drift on the pleasure I was bringing him. I could tell that he was succumbing to the pleasure, without expectation of anything more. I, too, was not focused on trying to bring him to orgasm, but when I felt him begin to harden more, and his breathing became more ragged, I followed the energy. I sped up my strokes and started visualizing this man’s orgasm. I could feel the wave of pleasure surging up from his dormant root chakra, and I visualized drawing that energy up the shaft of his penis. A few more strokes and my palm was bathed in his sacred juices. The dam had broken, and when I looked back at his face, he was glowing, radiantly happy. He hugged me for a long time, a wordless expression of gratitude for a wordless gift of pleasure.

© Inara de Luna, Temple of the Red Lotus, October 2008

Monday, October 6, 2008

The Other End of the Sexual Spectrum

One of the qualities that best defines a modern qadishtu is a an openness and acceptance for people's sexuality. It's not unusual to hear about bizarre fetishes, disturbing fantasies and embarrassing secrets. We smile, explain to the person there's nothing wrong with them, and proceed to answer their questions or point them in the right direction. But just when you think you've heard it all, somebody will surprise you.

A couple of months back, a friend asked me if I did work with asexuals. It was a somewhat unusual request, but I knew she was starting to date again (a decidedly tricky situation), and agreed. We scheduled a time to get together to talk.

I first asked her to give me a bit of her history of relationships, and asked her about her asexuality. She said that she had felt that way her whole life, and had grown to accept herself, coming to realize that nothing was wrong with her - it was just the way it was. I needed to make sure that she wasn't avoiding sex due to incest or abuse, and this was clearly not the case. She had had one long-term relationship, but it had been about 20 years back. Since then, she had met a few people she liked, but when they found out, they were unwilling to date her. She had recently met someone she was interested in, and was trying to figure out how and when to tell her about her preferences.

We next talked about what sexual activities she did and didn't enjoy. She told me that she really enjoyed kissing and cuddling, but most things past that just didn't turn her on. They weren't unpleasant, but they weren't pleasurable. She had attended a couple of cuddle parties, and said that she really enjoyed that level of contact. She was definitely looking for a long-term, intimate relationship, and felt attracted to both men and women.

I then asked her if she was a monogamous asexual or if she was perhaps interested in non-mongamous relationships. (Non-monogamy is a great way for asexuals to get their needs met.) She hadn't considered this before, and said she would likely be willing to be non-monogamous if she had some level of friendship or relationship with her partner's partner as well. We also talked about personals websites for asexuals. She had perused them a bit, but found that most of the people there were much younger than her.

The conversation turned next to the person she had recently started spending time with. She agreed that she needed to inform her new interest soone rather than later so as to not lead the other person on. I said that while asexuality was definitely not a disease, it was similar to having an STD: it was important to be honest with people a few dates in if it felt like things were going places. It was true that some people would automatically say no, but others would not have a problem with her needs (though it would definitely narrow her pool of available candidates quite a bit). While this need probably seems strange to many, it's not too different than what other single people experience as they go through life and find that their tastes and preferences have become more refined and discerning.

When we ended our conversation, she finally decided that she was going to have a few more dates before having "the talk." A couple of weeks later, she told me that she had never actually broached the subject; she had determined somewhat naturally that there were other, more important incompatibilities.

It is likely that we will work together further and do some role-playing to give her an opportunity to practice "the talk" and perhaps strategize for how to find people to date. Regardless, though, she told me that it felt really good to be able to have an conversation about a part of her life she normally kept hidden from those around her.

This is the gift of the qadishtu: acceptance as complete, whole, worthy, lovable human beings, regardless of where our desires may fall on the sexual spectrum.

Friday, October 3, 2008

Is this love?

People tell me I'm not tender enough...but I can tell you, I feel deeply for everyone, especially the most vulnerable. The reason I've never really enjoyed BDSM is because to me it's an artificial enactment of reality. The way I see it, reality is far more intense ... and dealing with the REAL can be a far greater adventure. It's possible to be Qadishtu with people you don't know, when they least expect it.

For example the time David and I took a couple to a dungeon. Going there was an event for them in itself, however, my girlfriend also wanted an experience as a Dominant. I looked at the small crowd lingering in GD's expanded loft space, and saw three people standing by the juice bar. David will tell you the backstory about the man he was mentoring here, who was a survivor of sexual abuse, and his wife who wanted to help. To get him more in touch with his triggers we brought them to a dungeon where his wife would assist me with a scene. Once there, I noticed a couple by the bar who was with a middle-aged "dweeby" character standing somewhere around 5' 5' tall, weighing maybe 145 pounds.

The Dom trainee wife that came with us watched me as I approached the three to say hi. They returned my salutation and we established it was ok for me to join them. I turned to the little man and moved my face very close to his and asked him if he'd ever been here before. He was noticably breaking out in a sweat, probably because at that moment I was unbuckling his belt. I looked back at the couple that was with them and their eyes were turning into Big Round O's. Seeing nobody was disturbed by my aggressions, I turned my attention back to my little man, unsnapped his pants and undid his zipper. "Are you married?" I asked. He whispered "yes..." "My name is Mistress. Yes, what?" "Yes, Mistress," he said.

"Excellent." I glanced back at the couple as I put my hand down his pants to stroke his cock and seeing they were laughing I asked, "How long have you been married?" By now he was squeaking "25 years," he said. "25 years!" I responded. "How wonderful. Do you have children?" Again checking in with his friends who were happy they had front row seats I was encouraged. His cock was getting a little harder, but still weak. The topic of conversation wasn't the most erotic and it's difficult being exhibited in front of your friends for the first time. "Yes." "Yes? yes what?" I said smiling, my lips brushing his." Breathing hard, he said softly, "Yes, Mistress." The Mistress label needed to be incorporated to establish with both him and his friends that this was not violating his home and family. It was an adventure, nothing more.

"You are a nice man," I said. "I believe we can do something together that you will remember for a long, long time. Would you like that?" The couple was probably more engaged than he was as my hand was noticably and continuously stroking his member. "Yes, Mistress." He said.

The bar area was at the center of two other rooms. The flanking areas were full of equipment that could be used to hang, spank, cage, victims -- a virtual BDSM playground. To our left was a table with ropes clearly used for bondage. I took his hand, motioned my girlfriend to follow and led them through the door. He stood by the table as I pulled down his pants. By this time his cock was hard and standing perpendicular to his body even as he was feeling awkward while I was making our preparations. He thought he'd pull up his pants. "Are you sure you want to do that?" He looked at me. "I can stop this right now if it bothers you." Immediately pulling his pants back down he stood somewhat patiently while I finished stringing the ropes for him to lie down.

I blindfolded him and tied him to the table -- slowly -- laboriously. He was shaking as I sucked his cock. He didn't maintain a hardon. He didn't cum. He was scared. I motioned my friend to straddle his face, her leather covered pussy hovering inches from his face. I suddenly snapped off the blindfold. He turned sheet white as his eyes focusing upward -- "Oh my GOD!" he said.

She moved back, I kissed him, untied him, let him rise and pull up his pants. He had tears in his eyes, as he said "Thank you, Mistress" and handed me his business card. "Call me ok?" he asked.

It's not always about the cumming -- is it?


Monday, September 29, 2008

An experience at an alternative lifestyle event

I am very pleased by the responses we've had from both the people who participated in as both receivers and givers in the sacred touch ceremony at an event in Columbus, OH. Here is a post by one of those givers that points out the personal benefit of this work.

"Two weekends ago I took part in a very special event that those of you who are local to Ohio may hear referred to as "The Tent." To the best of my ability to determine it, I think that everyone who was involved was effected deeply.

First of all, what was "The Tent?" The formal name was actually "The Scarlet Sanctuary." It was a part of the COPE event that weekend in Columbus. It was orchestrated and created by a group known as the Path Of The Qadishti. The purpose was to create a sacred space where people of any gender or sexual orientation could come to receive "sacred touch." They were kind enough to allow my wife and I to join them.

What does it mean to receive "sacred touch?" It is dropping your defenses, only to the extent that you are comfortable, and allowing another person, or two or three to touch your body intimately. Some people choose to be fully clothed, others fully naked, the rest choose to keep some clothing on. Some choose to allow touching where there is clothing, others do not. The touching is not directly sexual, but it is very intimate. Western culture focuses so much on the breasts and the genitalia, but nothing is more intimate than allowing another person to caress your face, your lips, your eyelids.

Why do we need to be touched? In our modern world we are more connected than at any time in history. We can stay in touch with those we care about 24/7/365. The paradox is that we are in many ways also the most isolated that people have been in history. We depend so much on electronic communication that we often avoid actually talking. I once knew a couple who spent all evening, every evening, in adjacent rooms, on their computers; surfing, chatting, and emailing. If they needed to communicate with each other it was done by IM. It is not surprising to learn that their relationship lost its intimacy. This story is not unique. It is repeated in millions of ways in every city, every day. As a culture, we have lost our sense of, but not our need for, intimacy.

Afterward, those who came into the tent to receive sacred touch spoke of a sense of calmness and healing energy. Tears were often shed. Grief was released. Emotional scars healed. We touched over 40 people during the evening, and had to turn some away, as our time expired.

What about the "givers." What was in it for them? What would possess nine people to sacrifice an entire evening, the climax of an event that they paid to attend, to working in something like the tent? Some of them have posted (around). They spoke of receiving more than they gave, of growing through giving, of the pleasure of service, of ministering to the needs of others.

What was it about this event that has changed my life? Where to begin?

First there is the grief. I have had several major events recently that brought grief and grieving into my life. In some cases the grief was mine, in other cases the grief belonged to members of my family or my tribe. It got to the point where I was no longer able to process it all. The only way I was able to deal with it was to shut down. In a very real sense, I stopped feeling altogether. I went through the day, often expressing emotions, but I wasn't feeling them. Inside was just a cold, dark place. I am so thankful for my loving wife . She loved me through the dark time as best she could. I am blessed to have her.

In the tent, two of the first three people that I touched were dealing with grief; one with the recent loss of her spouse, the other with the yet ongoing effects of child abuse. After touching them, I needed to spend some time by the altar. I took in their grief, held it, cherished it, and then released it to the universe to be healed into positive energy that could be used for good. What I didn't realize at first was the side effect that I also released my grip on my own grief, and allowed myself to feel it, to process it, and begin to heal.

The other thing that I took from the tent was the great pleasure that I derive from coming together with a group of like-minded people for a common, sacred purpose. I used to be a preacher. I miss that, but I am no longer a christian. I have trained as a pagan priest, but I have not found a group of pagans that I find satisfying. For the most part I find pagans to be telling nearly the same stories as I told from the Bible, changed a bit. Their worship is often disturbingly similar to a christian service, but you must substitute "goddess" for "Jesus."

It is now becoming a priority to either find a place where we can gather with folks whose sense of Spirit and the Divine is a good match to ours. If we can't find one, we may need to start one. Perhaps the Scarlet Sanctuary, or something like it, will come to Akron"

Reposted with permission from an original post by Lucar, of Akron, Ohio

Friday, September 26, 2008

Qadesh to Client ~X~ ... 2nd post of series

Note: all names used in this ongoing series are psuedonyms, except that of David and Amanda

The Qadesh/Client relationship described on September 12th has had a minor setback and is finally about to progress. Twelve days ago ~X~'s friend Amy gave her opinion on our proposed relationship. It was not very supportive.

I feel ~X~ should blog her perspective on this, but basically Amy feels that ~X~ is not being honest with me about what she needs and that our Qadesh/Client relationship is doomed to fail. An emotionally detached birthday sexual experience would be fine, but Amy doesn't feel ~W~ could handle the deeper connection with a married Qadesh.

Amy knows her MUCH better than I do and this opinion resonates with what my intuition has told me. However, my go-slow approach to Qadesh/Client exchanges means that we are going to figure this out together. As I said to ~X~ in preliminary discussions ... our mutual goal is multi-faceted ... the sexual part is only one aspect and frankly not the most important part.

I have known ~X~ for quite some time. Her communication skills, intellectual curiosity and trustworthiness are exceptional. Our Q/Client dynamic is based upon attraction and respect, so a deep, slowly evolving relationship is what I think is the best approach. She is not some lonely human being that simply needs loving attention.

My assessment is that ~X~ wants a man who can sincerely enjoy what she has to offer as a person. A man who isn't possessive about her affections and time or attached to Amy (like Steve and Luke). Someone who is focused on her personal growth and is willing to be there long term as a friend, lover and mentor. A Qadesh.

The dangers in this negotiated relationship are many. She must risk love and even worse falling in love. I already like this woman and am excited about growing our feelings. I really doubt that our relationship could ever be as intense as what she shares with Amy and her husband Steve, but I can guarantee it will have it's own life. ~X~ knows that I am doing this in tandem with my wife Amanda and that the goal here is to expand her loving circle in a way that serves her needs in a sensitive way.

What do I get out of this? ~X~ is no sugar Mama who will fund the Temple or pay my bills. However, this does not mean that we won't be reciprocally rewarded. She has already given Terra Incognita a valuable down payment of her time, skills and loyalty. I also really enjoy her company and look forward to the time we spend together.

Next Tuesday 9/30: The First Session

Postscript 2/2/09:

This series of posts have been deleted and/or altered at the request of our Client who felt exposed (even though completely anonymous) by having such personal information on the internet. I think her shared thoughts were very valuable contributions to the Qadishtu Experience blog and thank her for allowing them to educate others during the time they were available to be read. I feel Client privacy concerns are always paramount in any Qadishti relationship and must be honored above everything else.


Friday, September 19, 2008

Under the Full Moon Light........

She moves gracefully upon the wind
She outshines the morning and the evening star
She calls me the Daughter of Making
She gives me the wisdom to listen
She takes me to the greatest heights of the world
She opens my heart and pours in Her love
She persuades me to accept all who seek…………….

I am a Spiritual Guide and Priestess who follows the call of the Goddess.
As a Her Priestess, I have been able to communicate Her ways to others
who seek. I answered Her call and posted to an invitation to the women in
my community. The idea was to have two rituals celebrate the full moon
and the dark moon. I create rituals to help others connect with the divinity.
The notice was a call out to those who felt a need to be surrounded by other
women and allow me to take them on a journey under the moonlight as
well as through total darkness.

A questionnaire was sent to each participant. It began with “Within
every woman, there lives a powerful force, filled with good instincts,
passionate creativity, and ageless knowing” We are the Maidens, the
Mothers, the Warrior Women, and the Crones. We are magickal, we are
the mysteries, we are the soul of the Earth, and we are Her Strength.
We are Goddess, Witches, Weavers…We are Women!’ I asked how they
would like to be addressed in circle, what is your sun sign, do you recognize a
patron Goddess, if so what is Her name, what element do you feel associated
with, and finally which Goddess phase are they in now. They indicated either
Maiden, Mother, Nymph, Temptress, Warrior Woman, or Crone. They were
asked to bring a candle that represented themselves and a Goddess
Representative (statue, flower, whatever they felt moved to bring).
And I asked the to complete an exercise and write down their maternal heritage
starting with I am so and so, daughter of…, granddaughter of... There were 34
participants who RSVP’ed with answers to my questions. I sent out a reminder
of what to bring as well as directions to a beautiful home nestled in the woods.

After a few days, the buzz of anticipation began to take root. The questions
about what to expect and what would we will do once we are together. I r
esponded that we would explore the could be your life as a Maiden
(which is a term used for anyone who is not married/ or married but without
children), Mother is anyone with children or who feels the resposibility as a Mother
in some fashion, Nymph/Temptress are really aspects of those who like to frolick in
the woods(figuratively and literally) flirty, self assured etc, The Warrior Women... is
a mother or someone of a certain age who is a protectress of her family and friends
and doesn't want to move into the Crone stage yet, and then there is the Crone...she
has embraced the wisdom of her life and gives it to others. I also told them we will
built the circle together...this will be more of an energy circle.....if that makes sense.
I will certainly explain it when we get there. Trust me. There is no prep work
needed just contemplation on your part...questions like why am I here, what do
I want to learn.

The day of the ritual arrived July 28, 2007 and I had a few lovely assistants
who helped me set up the house and the ritual space. Within the house, we
had fresh flowers, foodand wine. Outside, we created a ritual space. We had
two altars and torchesindicating the circle. Once the women began to arrive,
I wanted to be dialedinto each of their reactions and moods. I saw the delight
upon their face at seeing the ritual space and the house so close and inviting.
I asked eachof them to place their Goddess Representations and their candles
on the main altar. After placing the objects down, there were led into the house
where they were asked to wait patiently until all participants arrived. The last
carload arrived and the tally of women in attendance was 26.

I began the night with a small welcoming speech. I told the women present
that it is time to meet to the Goddess and commune with nature out in the
open and receive Her thoughts, blessing and gifts. I asked them be receptive
and allow themselves the opportunity to be guided into a space that honors
who they truly are. I gave them a sheet with a few chants like “We all come
from the Goddess”, “I am the Goddess” the Spiral Rhythm’s version, and “She
Changes Everything She touches” to sing to raise energy and prepare them
for their journey. I then asked them to follow me outside.

I asked three women to be the Maiden, Mother and Crone aspect to lay down
protections and blessings upon the circle and receive each woman as they
entered. The Crone gave them instructions to light their candle upon the
altar and then find a place around the circle to stand. Once everyone was
in the circle, I began the work to draw and cast the circle and place us all
between the worlds. We then honored the elements, the Goddess and the
God. Then all eyes were on me. I began to invoke the Goddess. I turned
to the women and now is the time to experience your true nature. You will
have a direct link to the Goddess. My voice was loud yet gentle and
commanding. I told them that I would lead them on a journey and I asked them
to be open and receptive once again. I asked them to turn a gaze upon the Moon.
There She is high in the dark sky. Her glowing faces looks down upon your
skin. See Her brilliance….Feel her caressing you as you raise your
hands to greet Her….. Can you hear her voice calling to you… Taste Her
energy and Now SPEAK her name…..The women spoke the name
of their Goddess. I then led the in a Drawing down the Moon within
Meditation and told them to speak to the Goddess. They begin
to sway and move in place. I walked behind each woman and spoke to them
and I said what they needed to hear. I remember words like let go, I hear
you, you are strong, you are beautiful….. and they spoke to the Goddess
through their tears and words of thanks. When I laid my hands upon their
backs, they began to speak loudly as if they felt Her touch.

When each women slowly stopped talking with the Goddess, it became quiet.
I could hear a few sobs then the women started to hug each other. They started to sing
“Circle around the fire” on their own. The song was just a perfect way to
send their requests out into the universe. The ritual continued with Cakes and wine.
As the wine goblet passed around the circle, each woman spoke of thanks to the
Goddess and the women gathered. They spoke of connections not normally made
amongst women and how the ritual had changed their lives. They spoke of love
and life as well as being in touch by the Goddess.

Once we finished the ritual, we returned to the home of J and I gave them each
a gift made by L. I commissioned earrings and bracelets made in representation
of their experience. They were put in bags that were colors of the elements. I
asked each woman to choose their gift. Once they opened the bag, I told them
that this is gift is a reminder of this experience. May you wear them and feel
the love of the Goddess and each woman here. May you begin a journey of
appreciation for yourself and others. May you always remember that you
are never alone and that She is always within you.

The ritual was crafted and designed to establish a connection with the Goddess. She
lead me to a vision of women who would embrace Her and realize that She is within
each of them. Showing someone the love, touch and embrace of the Goddess
is my greater work and I hope to have many opportunities to give of myself in this
way for all who seek Her within this body.

Some of the women wrote to me about their experience during the rituals. Here
are their own words.....

“......Then to reach out and feel Her presence above, below, and all around us.
To me it was like she sat me in Her lap and had a talk just with me even though
there were so many of us there. Everyone was talking to Her, either outloud or
to themselves, but you were so drawn to Her, that I couldn't hear anything but Her
and what She was saying to me. I felt Her all through my body and every woman
there, it was like we were all ONE. I drew Her into me. I drew everyone of those
beautiful women into me. Then we shared cakes and wine and went around and
took a moment to reflect and share”

“Finding the Goddess in the sky and reaching out to her....requesting, asking,
some of us (including me) begging for her to come to us....tears.....from within
and without.....and finally peace. Our gifts, L you're amazing, were our
reminder and our transport back into that time and place. Then the words from
each, our feelings, more tears....some walked to comfort and show love to their
sisters with the knowledge that the tears were now filled with joy. She took away
and gave us what we had asked for. We all knew it. She had given us another gift;
a gift of a new life, a new time, a new beginning. There were no longer strangers
only sisters, all were hugging each other, all declared love for each individual and
for the whole.”

“Gryn, I will repeat what I said last night. You have been my light, my beacon,
my lantern in the darkest of my days. I have longed for this since we first talked
about it right before Beltaine last year when you called me on the phone (the first
time we ever talked) while you were driving to Atlanta. (do you remember?) You
are my sister, my friend, my light.”

“I was sent up the road with firmness and a fierce seduction and confidence that's
(unknown to most) rare. I was walking on air. The power of that circle didnt have
nothing to do with the weather heat which I realised was actually chilly once I came
down. I was overflowing from every pore, power...mmmmm good. It was an addictive
exhuberance that I can get used to.”

Amazing and life changing experiences happens to those who seek the
Goddess. It was a beautiful night of memories I won't ever forget. The
Dark Moon ritual happened just a few weeks later and that was a totally
different experience. I hope to share it in the days to come......


Saturday, September 13, 2008

A Soldier's Sexual Healing Ritual

The following is the description of a ritual I performed with a veteran of the Iraq wars, four years after his return. These are his words and he has given me permission to share them here.


"The night began as I took a shower to cleanse myself and bring myself into my water spirit for the ritual of my life. I showered and cleaned until I felt fresh and good for the powers that would be. I dried and dressed myself in pants fit for a warrior in dress after returning from battle.

As I came into the living room, I could smell the perfumes in the air and the music dance within my thoughts. I began to meditate and as I did, I felt the music take over my senses and move my body. I was there in my mind, but something else took over my body. The music began to make me dance. I felt my body in a grace that mundane injuries and age would never allow me to perform. This dance seemed to be watched. As if proving myself worth to the Goddess to be seen in ritual. After some time, I took the apple of my offering and faced the temple entrance and began to meditate to calm my nerves and quiet my mind.

It was then I heard a chime. It awoke me from my quiet mind. A second chime, I arose from my position and as if in a transient state of mind, I moved toward a shadowed figure before me. A third chime came and I was welcomed into the temple to face an altar of beauty and strength. I took a seat and thought to myself and to quiet my mind. As I did this, a hum came to my ears. A dream like state coming to me as my mind quieted and began to sway to the hum of the sound made.

My eyes fluttered open as a chime rang and I was myself, but not. I saw with my eyes and spoke with my voice, but my body moved in a grace not of my own and words came from a time beyond my own. I placed my offering with a prayer and stood. The shadowed figure called upon a circle and Eriskagal, the Goddess of Death and the Underworld, to join us. I prayed and called upon Isis to join my side and give me the strength she has always laid upon me as her son.

As this came to a full circle, Eriskigal appeared before my eyes. Her eyes a clouded mist, as if death took over her eyes and gazed upon me. I fell to my knees and praised her. Questions spoke from her mouth that came with answer from mine of truth and experience. Wishing to understand why and what I must learn and to rid myself of the grief and guilt I have suffered from for so many years.

After this, a blade was placed upon my chest for a choice to make in my life. To receive the death I have given by my hand, or life and understanding of what has been placed before me. I chose life and from there, I began my third and final cord cutting, releasing a dear friend, taken by death from my arms, to leave me and him in peace. Gathering my strength to stand once the cords cut, I moved to my knees before the Dark Goddess. She spoke of my being her son, her warrior, dealing her death by my hand and carrying out her will by my body.

It was then; she offered her body, in maiden form, to offering healing to my body, mind, and soul. We carried, hand in hand, to the bed and love was spoken and made in healing that night. I knew the movement of my body, but could only see by actions and feel my breath. Her moans grew within my mind and a blissful wipe came to my soul and happiness filled my being in ways no words could explain. Pleasure rose from all aspects of my body and mind and it carried me own to give the Goddess pleasures a woman would enjoy. Once the peak and climax of spiritual and physical orgasm was reached, we lay there within one another's arms and welcomed this blessing and love shared upon both our bodies and minds.

We then closed the circle and gave thanks to our guardians and the strength and pleasures we embraced in."

Friday, September 12, 2008

Notes from a new Client and her Qadesh Priest

I'll keep my comments here brief because the thoughts graciously shared below from a *new* Temple of Terra Incognita Seeker (now accepted Client) are very articulate and filled with a wonderfully naked humanity that almost anyone reading should be able to relate to. I will refer to her as X and refrain from mentioning any personal background information that could be used to reveal her identity.

The concept: Instead of me simply describing a past Qadishtu experience, I felt it would be of even more interest to post an ongoing series of thoughts that document an actual in-progress Provider/Client relationship from both perspectives. Of course there is a great risk involved with this approach ... neither of us know how our carefully negotiated relationship will turn out yet. So far we have established primary goals and my Temple HPS/wife Amanda has been involved with the introductory process. In fact, Amanda was instrumential in facilitating the initial connection while I was away from home this summer, and will be a key support member as X and I explore that uncharted place of Monsters and Magick called Terra Incognita.

Postscript 2/2/09:

This series of posts have been deleted and/or altered at the request of our Client who felt exposed (even though completely anonymous) by having such personal information on the internet. I think her shared thoughts were very valuable contributions to the Qadishtu Experience blog and thank her for allowing them to educate others during the time they were available to be read. I feel Client privacy concerns are always paramount in any Qadishti relationship and must be honored above everything else.


Thursday, September 11, 2008

I am a Qadishtu

Each and everyone of us wear different hats throughout the day. Sometimes I wear the Soccer Mom hat, sometimes I wear the Organizer hat, several times during the day I wear the Mom of Teenagers hat, etc.
Every role that I take on can be both aggravating and wonderful and sometimes both at the same time!

One of the hats (hereafter referred to as a veil) that I really am growing to love is that of a Sacred Sensuality Facilitator also known by some as Qadishti. Even this hat can be both aggravating and wonderful at different times. But this is one hat that encourages me that Life can be rewarding and gives me hope that I can reach out and help people who ask for help.

I am a Qadishtu.

Sometimes I doubt myself in this. Sometimes I doubt more than other times.
But then I get a reminder from someone else.

There was a night, not too long ago, when I was involved in a ritual where I was learning, but not quite connecting as I felt that I should. Something didn’t feel just right. I was tempted to step aside and meditate.

The Goddess Aphrodite has been flitting around me all night. She doesn’t ever stay for long, she just stops by occasionally. It is actually rather annoying, but one thing I have learned is to not argue with a God, at least not to their face. So I try to reason with Goddess Aphrodite. Not so good either.

As the ritual circle passes around again, I find myself with one of my loves, and we begin the left-eye connection with our right hands over our partner’s heart. Ok, now this I can connect with!!

I am now thinking how glad I am that I did stay and didn’t leave to meditate, when, suddenly my body turns and walks away. I am leaving my partner without a word as I begin walking towards another dancer.

As I approach, I open my arms and enfold this young lady in my arms. She doesn’t hesitate. She lays her head on my shoulder and cries silently. I think that it almost would be better if she would wail and let out her anguish.

At this point, the Goddess Aphrodite is more me than I am me. Aphrodite speaks through me and tells me that I am there to comfort this young lady who is trying to hide her pain in regards to her significant other who is mocking her interest in this search for spiritual enlightenment.

I pull her back from my shoulder and Aphrodite raises my hand to brush back this young ladies hair and gently stroke her face. I find my hand wiping away her new tears and then I begin to speak Aphrodite’s words, “You are a beautiful and strong person. You are a Goddess. You must find and love the Goddess within you before you can expect another to love your Goddess”.

Throughout this time, I am gently caressing this young ladies face and she even turns her head into the cup of my palm seeking re-assurance.

Now I realize that my partner, one of my loves, is with us in the embrace. He is here listening and offering his support. He understands, even better than I do, that it is Aphrodite speaking and holding this young lady in pain. The three of us are swaying to music in harmony. I am starting to learn that dance is as much about touch as it is about rhythm.

The dancers continue to circle about us, but we three are in our own little bubble. Aphrodite continues to speak through me to encourage this young lady to love herself and that she is a Goddess herself. (I don’t even remember all the words that she spoke, but my dance partner/lover ensures me that it was quite lovely to hear.)

We do rejoin the other revelers and the dance again. I am now back completely in myself and Aphrodite is gone. I say a prayer of thanks that she chose my body to help heal. I am not at all familiar with having a Goddess or God or anyone in me, and this was the first time that I really could open myself up enough to let any of them inside me and yet feel every sensation. It was awesome and yet aggravating and wonderful as well. I found it was much like any of the other hats that I sometimes wear.

I am a Qadishtu.

Sacred Touch

This is something that happened to me a couple of months ago, and I thought I would share.

Dan (my husband) and I were at a Leather Event and I participated in the Dom/sub auction. This is where you can bid on a person for a certain service that they offer themselves up for, and then the money goes for charity. I had offered myself up for energy work and a submissive that we know, bid on and bought me.

j was very excited about having won the bid for me. I was excited too. I was bought to do something that I love to do……sacred touch.

We were supposed to do the scene that night at the event, but neither of us were in any shape to do so. We both had been through intense scenes with our partners and were still floating too high to do an energy scene. So, we decided to follow through with it at the pool party the next day.

I was actually a little nervous because I'm not used to topping. Though, I am a priestess and know how to do Reiki sessions and such, but Reiki (the way I do it so far), doesn't involve sexual energy. What i wanted to do with j, was going to involve sexual energy, because that is what she wanted. She had participated in a sacred touch tent that my husband and I had facilitated last year, and wanted to go further. So, I made sure to watch another energy worker Saturday night. That gave me some ideas. Plus, I've watched my husband, Dan with many women over the last decade and decided to copy a little of His style as well. He is a Qadesh and it shows when he’s with someone.

We get to the pool party and j is very excited about this. I'm still a little nervous, but very much looking forward to giving this a try. I plan on doing Reiki and sacred touch and see where it goes from there. j and i head for the basement play area. We are the only ones there and j turns down the music. I asked them what they have in mind. j says they want to experience more of the sacred touch. I did some negotiation with j...asked how comfortable they were with getting naked, etc. Since this person is a gender bender (meant in a very loving way), i wanted to make sure i didn't cross any gender boundaries. They were very honest and open with me and negotiation went well. This was a first for me. I've never negotiated as a 'top'.

This person was ok with getting naked and asked if they should strip. I told them that we would get to that, but that I would help them. Again, a trick I got from Dan. Slowly, I charged up my energy field and started touching their body, kissing and licking their skin. I whispered to them how not only the hands are a gateway to energy, but so is the tongue. The noises they made were delightful. I made love to this persons body with my touch through their clothes. I made love to them without touching them at all. I charged my intent with love and passion and played in their energy field.

I spent a lot of time undressing this person. Slow and sensual. At the first sacred touch tent event, they had kept on their underclothes. Not this time. They were more sure of their body. They were trusting with what I had in mind for them. It was so amazing. And the light kisses....*sigh* I loved this person. I could tell by the look in their eyes that they were feeling the love that I was touching them with.

I finally asked them to get up onto the massage table and then spent a lot of time giving Reiki, sacred touch, balancing chakras and clearing their energy. I could feel their walls completely crumble. They became totally relaxed and just allowed me to be intuitive and let my hands touch, stroke and caress.

j allowed theirself to be vulnerable and open. We talked later and this was very healing for them.

To have someone so trusting and receptive under my hands....what a joy. I was so honored.

Wednesday, September 10, 2008

Kink Magic

I have many experiences that I'd like to share.....but this one is already written up, so it gets posted first. :)

We were asked to write up one of our experiences for a book by Taylor Ellwood, titled Kink Magic.

Here is a copy of that:

We mentored a woman who was dealing with traumatizing memories of her past.
She had repressed them for a long time, and they were starting to come back to
her in her dreams. She had symptoms of Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. She was
tired of the memories emerging at random, and wanted more control over this
process. We had worked with her for a few years, using Sacred Sexuality as one
method to aid in her healing. Feeling comfortable with this work, she came to
us and asked if we would help her use BDSM to dig deeper. We agreed, and
planned a ritual involving BDSM, ritual and Reiki.

We prepared her for the ritual by hugging her and undressing her, and then we
strapped her to a frame. Next, we took deep breaths, focused on her healing,
and invoked the directions (quarters) and the God and Goddess to watch over
the ritual. We worked on connecting to her energetically, pulling in Reiki to
help strengthen the connection and help us achieve the highest good with this
process. We then proceeded to flog her. We took turns flogging her, telling
her it was okay to drop her walls. We asked her to trust the Goddess to give
her the memories she was ready for. We told her it was okay to have walled
them up for survival of the trauma, but that she was now in a safe place with
a support network and it was okay to remember so that she could lay the
memories to rest. Between flogging sessions, we stroked her skin, giving her
more Reiki and whispering to her that it was okay to remember.

Her walls finally dropped and she became a crying mess. We took her down from
the frame so that her body could relax and she could lose herself in the
crying. We draped her over a footstool, made sure she was comfortable, and
paddled her. She cried and cried, releasing mental toxins from her system.
After a short time reassuring her that we were okay with her crying, and that
we cared enough to make her comfortable, we proceeded with the ritual. In her
case, crying was good. We finished by helping her rise from the spanking
position, wrapping her in a blanket, and releasing the directions.

Then, the three of us cuddled on the couch while she cried on our shoulders.
We gave her major aftercare, including Reiki sessions. The aftercare lasted a
couple of days while she processed the memories with her therapist. (Dan &
Dawn, Sacred Sexuality & BDSM Presenters – Personal Communication 1-9-2007)

Monday, September 8, 2008

Qadishtu Outer Court

Qadishtu Outer Court from Saturday night
Over the weekend, I was fortunate enough to be attending a lovely Tantra event. (I feel that I can never seem to learn enough and I find that there are so many 'coincidental similarities' between so many of the Sacred Paths, that the overlap lessons are always beneficial)While there I was able to assist with some limited Qadishtu work in what many of the Qadishtu movement refer to as the Outer Court.

Prior to the Ritual, there is always a briefing class to cover the guidelines for anyone who is new to the art. The layout of the ritual area is shown, in this case, we had a twin size air mattress in the Center that the Seeker would be able to lay upon and then some blankets and pillows for the High Priest and High Priestess, and all the givers, some of whom are Qadishtu trained.

Limitations are explained as any activity that you, as a seeker, do not feel comfortable with having done while you are in the Center. Some limitations might include only being touched where there is no clothing, i.e., only on bare skin, or only a firm touch and not a lighter touch that might tickle, or a light touch and not a firm touch that will hurt sore muscles, or not being kissed on the mouth by anyone other than a fluid-bonded partner, and someone might explain that they have recently had gall bladder surgery and so to not touch their stomach area at all. These are just some of the many limitations that people can mention.

Also, a safe word can be used at any point and ALL activity is stopped. This safe word is for the seeker, or the person in the middle, when perhaps the emotions get to intense or the touch is more than they can deal with at this time. The safe word is in place for each person’s protection. Sometimes the touch can be joyful and arousing. Sometimes, if not frequently, the touch of others can bring issues to the forefront. Perhaps, a loving touch is a reminder that a seeker does not get enough loving touch in their personal lives. Perhaps, a loving touch is a reminder of a past love whose chapter is not resolved. Perhaps, the loving touch is a remembrance of a Mother’s touch who recently passed. There is no shame in calling out the safe word. It is just a word of protection. Any issues brought up should be further examined. If appropriate, the examination can take place at the end of the ceremony with any of the Priests or Priestess with whom a seeker has a connection. If not at the end of the ceremony, then a seeker needs to do some self-evaluation in the hopes of working on this issue to gain enlightenment.

Preferences are explained as any activity that you, when a seeker, would like to have done to you that you enjoy. Some of the preferences sited, were that they liked their hair played with, or their feet handled in a loving manner, or kisses on their neck, or nipple play is ok but just not too rough, or that they were a dessert plate – defined as pretty much anything and everything is wonderful. This is just a short list of preferences.

The group settles around the mattress and the High Priestess begins with a prayer to close and bless the area and then an invocation of her Deity whom she prefers to work with. Then each of us was invited to pray or invoke any of our own Deities. Some people just prayed for guidance, some asked for the Goddess Inanna or Gaia or Pan among others to join us in this Sacred Space.

A moment of silence is shared.

Then the High Priestess asks for a volunteer for the center. In this case, the seeker was just biding her time until the offer was given. She gave her name and her limitations and her preferences as only someone experienced can list that quickly. She lay back on the cushions and each of us (healers) placed a hand on her body in a gentle and loving manner so as to acclimate her body for continued touch.

Many of the healers followed a pattern of touch where their hands flowed over the seeker’s body in a rhythmic manner. Some healers just used a more random stroke all over the permitted area. One healer worked with the energy given off from the head. Personally, I tend to close my eyes and let my hands see the colors inside and that guides me to an area that needs a positive energy gift. But the work for this particular seeker progressed for about 15 minutes.

A side note here: not all healers need touch all seekers. There are times when healers need to center or ground themselves. Sometimes a healer will not feel comfortable with a particular seeker, and this is an ok feeling and must be respected.

The next seeker is up and lists off several limitations and a request for a much lighter touch. He only wishes to be touched by women and prefers not to have a man touch him. This is a perfectly fine request. It is much better to be honest than it is to feel uncomfortable. The time in the center of the circle is meant to be loving and comforting allowing the mind to float in a relaxed state. If this man had not mentioned that he didn’t want another’s man touch, than he would have not allowed himself to fully relax and to continue to fret over who was touching him.
This particular man called out his safe word after only about 7 – 8 minutes. He was relaxed but then a sudden noise from outside the circle interrupted his peace and he wanted to re-group before continuing.

Much of this night’s Outer Court was very fluid and laughter filled. This is rather unusual as generally this time is more somber but tonight there was a certain playfulness in the air. Many of the seekers found a joyful and positive space in which to reflect. Many of the healers, although serious in their work, also were able to thrive off the joy in the seeker’s response. More than once, there was laughter heard around the circle at the end of the seeker’s time in the center. One man couldn’t even speak because he couldn’t stop smiling. He would start and the words were gibberish and then he would giggle which of course made all of us giggle.

This levity is unusual, but it was the right mood at the right time for this particular Outer Court. One person who had invoked Pan, even commented that maybe Pan was present and being his usual mischievous self. Whatever the reason, all involved had their moods lightened.

The group went through 9 seekers on this particular evening. Each seeker built on the sacred energy that the previous seeker left. There were plenty of healers so that no one healer over-worked themselves. The air was alive with divine love and energy.

At the conclusion, our High Priestess, asked us all to gather together in a prayer of conclusion and to re-open the circle. As is customary, the energy gathered with the group is sent out into the world to help wherever such energy is best utilized.

Tonight, the High Priestess cast our Sacred Energy into the bonfire and WHOOOSHHH, the fire grew brighter and taller as it accepted our energy. If I had not seen the fire grow so intensely, I would not have believed it possible, but the fire did swell. It was a site that caused many of the revelers who were outside the Outer Court to stop and take notice. Some of them just nodded sagely and some others just looked at us like we had two heads. Well, in a way, some of us did have two heads: we had our human form, and then we also wore the head of whatever God-form whom we invoked.

There is a power when we allow a God to work thru our human hands and allow the energy from the God to help with Sacred Touch. It was present for all to see that night.

After the fire went WHOOOOSHHH (just like that word!), the drummers began their rhythmic, intoxicating drumming. Most of our group stayed up at the fire for several more hours just soaking up the sexual energy that had been raised. Even I, with my leg in a brace and generally in too much pain to generally move much by evening, danced with many of the other revelers. And one thing that I found interesting was, that even though I danced and talked and walked all over, I had very little pain. My gait was even improved. Now, that was some impressive energy!!

Most of the people at the fire, and not just those in our group, but many of the people who came up after we finished our ritual, commented that there ‘was something different in the air’ that night. There was a difference: it was called Love and Acceptance and a Release of Tensions caused by our normal, societal stigmas that inhibit us from being Free.