More info about this blog

These stories are real, though some details may be fictionalized, to protect confidentiality and identities, but these are actual accounts of Qadishtu moments. Stories can be told from either the point of view of the priest or priestess or from the perspective of the client/seeker/supplicant. The point is - what do we actually DO? This blog seeks to help answer that through example. What we do is incredibly varied, depending on our individual experience, training, gifts, and inclinations, and that's why this is a group endeavor. We all have gems to contribute to the larger understanding of what it means to be Qadishtu and the significant need for this role in our society today.

Please be sure to see our Calendar of Sacred Sexuality & Qadishtu Events at the very bottom of this page!

Monday, September 29, 2008

An experience at an alternative lifestyle event

I am very pleased by the responses we've had from both the people who participated in as both receivers and givers in the sacred touch ceremony at an event in Columbus, OH. Here is a post by one of those givers that points out the personal benefit of this work.

"Two weekends ago I took part in a very special event that those of you who are local to Ohio may hear referred to as "The Tent." To the best of my ability to determine it, I think that everyone who was involved was effected deeply.

First of all, what was "The Tent?" The formal name was actually "The Scarlet Sanctuary." It was a part of the COPE event that weekend in Columbus. It was orchestrated and created by a group known as the Path Of The Qadishti. The purpose was to create a sacred space where people of any gender or sexual orientation could come to receive "sacred touch." They were kind enough to allow my wife and I to join them.

What does it mean to receive "sacred touch?" It is dropping your defenses, only to the extent that you are comfortable, and allowing another person, or two or three to touch your body intimately. Some people choose to be fully clothed, others fully naked, the rest choose to keep some clothing on. Some choose to allow touching where there is clothing, others do not. The touching is not directly sexual, but it is very intimate. Western culture focuses so much on the breasts and the genitalia, but nothing is more intimate than allowing another person to caress your face, your lips, your eyelids.

Why do we need to be touched? In our modern world we are more connected than at any time in history. We can stay in touch with those we care about 24/7/365. The paradox is that we are in many ways also the most isolated that people have been in history. We depend so much on electronic communication that we often avoid actually talking. I once knew a couple who spent all evening, every evening, in adjacent rooms, on their computers; surfing, chatting, and emailing. If they needed to communicate with each other it was done by IM. It is not surprising to learn that their relationship lost its intimacy. This story is not unique. It is repeated in millions of ways in every city, every day. As a culture, we have lost our sense of, but not our need for, intimacy.

Afterward, those who came into the tent to receive sacred touch spoke of a sense of calmness and healing energy. Tears were often shed. Grief was released. Emotional scars healed. We touched over 40 people during the evening, and had to turn some away, as our time expired.

What about the "givers." What was in it for them? What would possess nine people to sacrifice an entire evening, the climax of an event that they paid to attend, to working in something like the tent? Some of them have posted (around). They spoke of receiving more than they gave, of growing through giving, of the pleasure of service, of ministering to the needs of others.

What was it about this event that has changed my life? Where to begin?

First there is the grief. I have had several major events recently that brought grief and grieving into my life. In some cases the grief was mine, in other cases the grief belonged to members of my family or my tribe. It got to the point where I was no longer able to process it all. The only way I was able to deal with it was to shut down. In a very real sense, I stopped feeling altogether. I went through the day, often expressing emotions, but I wasn't feeling them. Inside was just a cold, dark place. I am so thankful for my loving wife . She loved me through the dark time as best she could. I am blessed to have her.

In the tent, two of the first three people that I touched were dealing with grief; one with the recent loss of her spouse, the other with the yet ongoing effects of child abuse. After touching them, I needed to spend some time by the altar. I took in their grief, held it, cherished it, and then released it to the universe to be healed into positive energy that could be used for good. What I didn't realize at first was the side effect that I also released my grip on my own grief, and allowed myself to feel it, to process it, and begin to heal.

The other thing that I took from the tent was the great pleasure that I derive from coming together with a group of like-minded people for a common, sacred purpose. I used to be a preacher. I miss that, but I am no longer a christian. I have trained as a pagan priest, but I have not found a group of pagans that I find satisfying. For the most part I find pagans to be telling nearly the same stories as I told from the Bible, changed a bit. Their worship is often disturbingly similar to a christian service, but you must substitute "goddess" for "Jesus."

It is now becoming a priority to either find a place where we can gather with folks whose sense of Spirit and the Divine is a good match to ours. If we can't find one, we may need to start one. Perhaps the Scarlet Sanctuary, or something like it, will come to Akron"

Reposted with permission from an original post by Lucar, of Akron, Ohio

Friday, September 26, 2008

Qadesh to Client ~X~ ... 2nd post of series

Note: all names used in this ongoing series are psuedonyms, except that of David and Amanda

The Qadesh/Client relationship described on September 12th has had a minor setback and is finally about to progress. Twelve days ago ~X~'s friend Amy gave her opinion on our proposed relationship. It was not very supportive.

I feel ~X~ should blog her perspective on this, but basically Amy feels that ~X~ is not being honest with me about what she needs and that our Qadesh/Client relationship is doomed to fail. An emotionally detached birthday sexual experience would be fine, but Amy doesn't feel ~W~ could handle the deeper connection with a married Qadesh.

Amy knows her MUCH better than I do and this opinion resonates with what my intuition has told me. However, my go-slow approach to Qadesh/Client exchanges means that we are going to figure this out together. As I said to ~X~ in preliminary discussions ... our mutual goal is multi-faceted ... the sexual part is only one aspect and frankly not the most important part.

I have known ~X~ for quite some time. Her communication skills, intellectual curiosity and trustworthiness are exceptional. Our Q/Client dynamic is based upon attraction and respect, so a deep, slowly evolving relationship is what I think is the best approach. She is not some lonely human being that simply needs loving attention.

My assessment is that ~X~ wants a man who can sincerely enjoy what she has to offer as a person. A man who isn't possessive about her affections and time or attached to Amy (like Steve and Luke). Someone who is focused on her personal growth and is willing to be there long term as a friend, lover and mentor. A Qadesh.

The dangers in this negotiated relationship are many. She must risk love and even worse falling in love. I already like this woman and am excited about growing our feelings. I really doubt that our relationship could ever be as intense as what she shares with Amy and her husband Steve, but I can guarantee it will have it's own life. ~X~ knows that I am doing this in tandem with my wife Amanda and that the goal here is to expand her loving circle in a way that serves her needs in a sensitive way.

What do I get out of this? ~X~ is no sugar Mama who will fund the Temple or pay my bills. However, this does not mean that we won't be reciprocally rewarded. She has already given Terra Incognita a valuable down payment of her time, skills and loyalty. I also really enjoy her company and look forward to the time we spend together.

Next Tuesday 9/30: The First Session

Postscript 2/2/09:

This series of posts have been deleted and/or altered at the request of our Client who felt exposed (even though completely anonymous) by having such personal information on the internet. I think her shared thoughts were very valuable contributions to the Qadishtu Experience blog and thank her for allowing them to educate others during the time they were available to be read. I feel Client privacy concerns are always paramount in any Qadishti relationship and must be honored above everything else.


Friday, September 19, 2008

Under the Full Moon Light........

She moves gracefully upon the wind
She outshines the morning and the evening star
She calls me the Daughter of Making
She gives me the wisdom to listen
She takes me to the greatest heights of the world
She opens my heart and pours in Her love
She persuades me to accept all who seek…………….

I am a Spiritual Guide and Priestess who follows the call of the Goddess.
As a Her Priestess, I have been able to communicate Her ways to others
who seek. I answered Her call and posted to an invitation to the women in
my community. The idea was to have two rituals celebrate the full moon
and the dark moon. I create rituals to help others connect with the divinity.
The notice was a call out to those who felt a need to be surrounded by other
women and allow me to take them on a journey under the moonlight as
well as through total darkness.

A questionnaire was sent to each participant. It began with “Within
every woman, there lives a powerful force, filled with good instincts,
passionate creativity, and ageless knowing” We are the Maidens, the
Mothers, the Warrior Women, and the Crones. We are magickal, we are
the mysteries, we are the soul of the Earth, and we are Her Strength.
We are Goddess, Witches, Weavers…We are Women!’ I asked how they
would like to be addressed in circle, what is your sun sign, do you recognize a
patron Goddess, if so what is Her name, what element do you feel associated
with, and finally which Goddess phase are they in now. They indicated either
Maiden, Mother, Nymph, Temptress, Warrior Woman, or Crone. They were
asked to bring a candle that represented themselves and a Goddess
Representative (statue, flower, whatever they felt moved to bring).
And I asked the to complete an exercise and write down their maternal heritage
starting with I am so and so, daughter of…, granddaughter of... There were 34
participants who RSVP’ed with answers to my questions. I sent out a reminder
of what to bring as well as directions to a beautiful home nestled in the woods.

After a few days, the buzz of anticipation began to take root. The questions
about what to expect and what would we will do once we are together. I r
esponded that we would explore the could be your life as a Maiden
(which is a term used for anyone who is not married/ or married but without
children), Mother is anyone with children or who feels the resposibility as a Mother
in some fashion, Nymph/Temptress are really aspects of those who like to frolick in
the woods(figuratively and literally) flirty, self assured etc, The Warrior Women... is
a mother or someone of a certain age who is a protectress of her family and friends
and doesn't want to move into the Crone stage yet, and then there is the Crone...she
has embraced the wisdom of her life and gives it to others. I also told them we will
built the circle together...this will be more of an energy circle.....if that makes sense.
I will certainly explain it when we get there. Trust me. There is no prep work
needed just contemplation on your part...questions like why am I here, what do
I want to learn.

The day of the ritual arrived July 28, 2007 and I had a few lovely assistants
who helped me set up the house and the ritual space. Within the house, we
had fresh flowers, foodand wine. Outside, we created a ritual space. We had
two altars and torchesindicating the circle. Once the women began to arrive,
I wanted to be dialedinto each of their reactions and moods. I saw the delight
upon their face at seeing the ritual space and the house so close and inviting.
I asked eachof them to place their Goddess Representations and their candles
on the main altar. After placing the objects down, there were led into the house
where they were asked to wait patiently until all participants arrived. The last
carload arrived and the tally of women in attendance was 26.

I began the night with a small welcoming speech. I told the women present
that it is time to meet to the Goddess and commune with nature out in the
open and receive Her thoughts, blessing and gifts. I asked them be receptive
and allow themselves the opportunity to be guided into a space that honors
who they truly are. I gave them a sheet with a few chants like “We all come
from the Goddess”, “I am the Goddess” the Spiral Rhythm’s version, and “She
Changes Everything She touches” to sing to raise energy and prepare them
for their journey. I then asked them to follow me outside.

I asked three women to be the Maiden, Mother and Crone aspect to lay down
protections and blessings upon the circle and receive each woman as they
entered. The Crone gave them instructions to light their candle upon the
altar and then find a place around the circle to stand. Once everyone was
in the circle, I began the work to draw and cast the circle and place us all
between the worlds. We then honored the elements, the Goddess and the
God. Then all eyes were on me. I began to invoke the Goddess. I turned
to the women and now is the time to experience your true nature. You will
have a direct link to the Goddess. My voice was loud yet gentle and
commanding. I told them that I would lead them on a journey and I asked them
to be open and receptive once again. I asked them to turn a gaze upon the Moon.
There She is high in the dark sky. Her glowing faces looks down upon your
skin. See Her brilliance….Feel her caressing you as you raise your
hands to greet Her….. Can you hear her voice calling to you… Taste Her
energy and Now SPEAK her name…..The women spoke the name
of their Goddess. I then led the in a Drawing down the Moon within
Meditation and told them to speak to the Goddess. They begin
to sway and move in place. I walked behind each woman and spoke to them
and I said what they needed to hear. I remember words like let go, I hear
you, you are strong, you are beautiful….. and they spoke to the Goddess
through their tears and words of thanks. When I laid my hands upon their
backs, they began to speak loudly as if they felt Her touch.

When each women slowly stopped talking with the Goddess, it became quiet.
I could hear a few sobs then the women started to hug each other. They started to sing
“Circle around the fire” on their own. The song was just a perfect way to
send their requests out into the universe. The ritual continued with Cakes and wine.
As the wine goblet passed around the circle, each woman spoke of thanks to the
Goddess and the women gathered. They spoke of connections not normally made
amongst women and how the ritual had changed their lives. They spoke of love
and life as well as being in touch by the Goddess.

Once we finished the ritual, we returned to the home of J and I gave them each
a gift made by L. I commissioned earrings and bracelets made in representation
of their experience. They were put in bags that were colors of the elements. I
asked each woman to choose their gift. Once they opened the bag, I told them
that this is gift is a reminder of this experience. May you wear them and feel
the love of the Goddess and each woman here. May you begin a journey of
appreciation for yourself and others. May you always remember that you
are never alone and that She is always within you.

The ritual was crafted and designed to establish a connection with the Goddess. She
lead me to a vision of women who would embrace Her and realize that She is within
each of them. Showing someone the love, touch and embrace of the Goddess
is my greater work and I hope to have many opportunities to give of myself in this
way for all who seek Her within this body.

Some of the women wrote to me about their experience during the rituals. Here
are their own words.....

“......Then to reach out and feel Her presence above, below, and all around us.
To me it was like she sat me in Her lap and had a talk just with me even though
there were so many of us there. Everyone was talking to Her, either outloud or
to themselves, but you were so drawn to Her, that I couldn't hear anything but Her
and what She was saying to me. I felt Her all through my body and every woman
there, it was like we were all ONE. I drew Her into me. I drew everyone of those
beautiful women into me. Then we shared cakes and wine and went around and
took a moment to reflect and share”

“Finding the Goddess in the sky and reaching out to her....requesting, asking,
some of us (including me) begging for her to come to us....tears.....from within
and without.....and finally peace. Our gifts, L you're amazing, were our
reminder and our transport back into that time and place. Then the words from
each, our feelings, more tears....some walked to comfort and show love to their
sisters with the knowledge that the tears were now filled with joy. She took away
and gave us what we had asked for. We all knew it. She had given us another gift;
a gift of a new life, a new time, a new beginning. There were no longer strangers
only sisters, all were hugging each other, all declared love for each individual and
for the whole.”

“Gryn, I will repeat what I said last night. You have been my light, my beacon,
my lantern in the darkest of my days. I have longed for this since we first talked
about it right before Beltaine last year when you called me on the phone (the first
time we ever talked) while you were driving to Atlanta. (do you remember?) You
are my sister, my friend, my light.”

“I was sent up the road with firmness and a fierce seduction and confidence that's
(unknown to most) rare. I was walking on air. The power of that circle didnt have
nothing to do with the weather heat which I realised was actually chilly once I came
down. I was overflowing from every pore, power...mmmmm good. It was an addictive
exhuberance that I can get used to.”

Amazing and life changing experiences happens to those who seek the
Goddess. It was a beautiful night of memories I won't ever forget. The
Dark Moon ritual happened just a few weeks later and that was a totally
different experience. I hope to share it in the days to come......


Saturday, September 13, 2008

A Soldier's Sexual Healing Ritual

The following is the description of a ritual I performed with a veteran of the Iraq wars, four years after his return. These are his words and he has given me permission to share them here.


"The night began as I took a shower to cleanse myself and bring myself into my water spirit for the ritual of my life. I showered and cleaned until I felt fresh and good for the powers that would be. I dried and dressed myself in pants fit for a warrior in dress after returning from battle.

As I came into the living room, I could smell the perfumes in the air and the music dance within my thoughts. I began to meditate and as I did, I felt the music take over my senses and move my body. I was there in my mind, but something else took over my body. The music began to make me dance. I felt my body in a grace that mundane injuries and age would never allow me to perform. This dance seemed to be watched. As if proving myself worth to the Goddess to be seen in ritual. After some time, I took the apple of my offering and faced the temple entrance and began to meditate to calm my nerves and quiet my mind.

It was then I heard a chime. It awoke me from my quiet mind. A second chime, I arose from my position and as if in a transient state of mind, I moved toward a shadowed figure before me. A third chime came and I was welcomed into the temple to face an altar of beauty and strength. I took a seat and thought to myself and to quiet my mind. As I did this, a hum came to my ears. A dream like state coming to me as my mind quieted and began to sway to the hum of the sound made.

My eyes fluttered open as a chime rang and I was myself, but not. I saw with my eyes and spoke with my voice, but my body moved in a grace not of my own and words came from a time beyond my own. I placed my offering with a prayer and stood. The shadowed figure called upon a circle and Eriskagal, the Goddess of Death and the Underworld, to join us. I prayed and called upon Isis to join my side and give me the strength she has always laid upon me as her son.

As this came to a full circle, Eriskigal appeared before my eyes. Her eyes a clouded mist, as if death took over her eyes and gazed upon me. I fell to my knees and praised her. Questions spoke from her mouth that came with answer from mine of truth and experience. Wishing to understand why and what I must learn and to rid myself of the grief and guilt I have suffered from for so many years.

After this, a blade was placed upon my chest for a choice to make in my life. To receive the death I have given by my hand, or life and understanding of what has been placed before me. I chose life and from there, I began my third and final cord cutting, releasing a dear friend, taken by death from my arms, to leave me and him in peace. Gathering my strength to stand once the cords cut, I moved to my knees before the Dark Goddess. She spoke of my being her son, her warrior, dealing her death by my hand and carrying out her will by my body.

It was then; she offered her body, in maiden form, to offering healing to my body, mind, and soul. We carried, hand in hand, to the bed and love was spoken and made in healing that night. I knew the movement of my body, but could only see by actions and feel my breath. Her moans grew within my mind and a blissful wipe came to my soul and happiness filled my being in ways no words could explain. Pleasure rose from all aspects of my body and mind and it carried me own to give the Goddess pleasures a woman would enjoy. Once the peak and climax of spiritual and physical orgasm was reached, we lay there within one another's arms and welcomed this blessing and love shared upon both our bodies and minds.

We then closed the circle and gave thanks to our guardians and the strength and pleasures we embraced in."

Friday, September 12, 2008

Notes from a new Client and her Qadesh Priest

I'll keep my comments here brief because the thoughts graciously shared below from a *new* Temple of Terra Incognita Seeker (now accepted Client) are very articulate and filled with a wonderfully naked humanity that almost anyone reading should be able to relate to. I will refer to her as X and refrain from mentioning any personal background information that could be used to reveal her identity.

The concept: Instead of me simply describing a past Qadishtu experience, I felt it would be of even more interest to post an ongoing series of thoughts that document an actual in-progress Provider/Client relationship from both perspectives. Of course there is a great risk involved with this approach ... neither of us know how our carefully negotiated relationship will turn out yet. So far we have established primary goals and my Temple HPS/wife Amanda has been involved with the introductory process. In fact, Amanda was instrumential in facilitating the initial connection while I was away from home this summer, and will be a key support member as X and I explore that uncharted place of Monsters and Magick called Terra Incognita.

Postscript 2/2/09:

This series of posts have been deleted and/or altered at the request of our Client who felt exposed (even though completely anonymous) by having such personal information on the internet. I think her shared thoughts were very valuable contributions to the Qadishtu Experience blog and thank her for allowing them to educate others during the time they were available to be read. I feel Client privacy concerns are always paramount in any Qadishti relationship and must be honored above everything else.


Thursday, September 11, 2008

I am a Qadishtu

Each and everyone of us wear different hats throughout the day. Sometimes I wear the Soccer Mom hat, sometimes I wear the Organizer hat, several times during the day I wear the Mom of Teenagers hat, etc.
Every role that I take on can be both aggravating and wonderful and sometimes both at the same time!

One of the hats (hereafter referred to as a veil) that I really am growing to love is that of a Sacred Sensuality Facilitator also known by some as Qadishti. Even this hat can be both aggravating and wonderful at different times. But this is one hat that encourages me that Life can be rewarding and gives me hope that I can reach out and help people who ask for help.

I am a Qadishtu.

Sometimes I doubt myself in this. Sometimes I doubt more than other times.
But then I get a reminder from someone else.

There was a night, not too long ago, when I was involved in a ritual where I was learning, but not quite connecting as I felt that I should. Something didn’t feel just right. I was tempted to step aside and meditate.

The Goddess Aphrodite has been flitting around me all night. She doesn’t ever stay for long, she just stops by occasionally. It is actually rather annoying, but one thing I have learned is to not argue with a God, at least not to their face. So I try to reason with Goddess Aphrodite. Not so good either.

As the ritual circle passes around again, I find myself with one of my loves, and we begin the left-eye connection with our right hands over our partner’s heart. Ok, now this I can connect with!!

I am now thinking how glad I am that I did stay and didn’t leave to meditate, when, suddenly my body turns and walks away. I am leaving my partner without a word as I begin walking towards another dancer.

As I approach, I open my arms and enfold this young lady in my arms. She doesn’t hesitate. She lays her head on my shoulder and cries silently. I think that it almost would be better if she would wail and let out her anguish.

At this point, the Goddess Aphrodite is more me than I am me. Aphrodite speaks through me and tells me that I am there to comfort this young lady who is trying to hide her pain in regards to her significant other who is mocking her interest in this search for spiritual enlightenment.

I pull her back from my shoulder and Aphrodite raises my hand to brush back this young ladies hair and gently stroke her face. I find my hand wiping away her new tears and then I begin to speak Aphrodite’s words, “You are a beautiful and strong person. You are a Goddess. You must find and love the Goddess within you before you can expect another to love your Goddess”.

Throughout this time, I am gently caressing this young ladies face and she even turns her head into the cup of my palm seeking re-assurance.

Now I realize that my partner, one of my loves, is with us in the embrace. He is here listening and offering his support. He understands, even better than I do, that it is Aphrodite speaking and holding this young lady in pain. The three of us are swaying to music in harmony. I am starting to learn that dance is as much about touch as it is about rhythm.

The dancers continue to circle about us, but we three are in our own little bubble. Aphrodite continues to speak through me to encourage this young lady to love herself and that she is a Goddess herself. (I don’t even remember all the words that she spoke, but my dance partner/lover ensures me that it was quite lovely to hear.)

We do rejoin the other revelers and the dance again. I am now back completely in myself and Aphrodite is gone. I say a prayer of thanks that she chose my body to help heal. I am not at all familiar with having a Goddess or God or anyone in me, and this was the first time that I really could open myself up enough to let any of them inside me and yet feel every sensation. It was awesome and yet aggravating and wonderful as well. I found it was much like any of the other hats that I sometimes wear.

I am a Qadishtu.

Sacred Touch

This is something that happened to me a couple of months ago, and I thought I would share.

Dan (my husband) and I were at a Leather Event and I participated in the Dom/sub auction. This is where you can bid on a person for a certain service that they offer themselves up for, and then the money goes for charity. I had offered myself up for energy work and a submissive that we know, bid on and bought me.

j was very excited about having won the bid for me. I was excited too. I was bought to do something that I love to do……sacred touch.

We were supposed to do the scene that night at the event, but neither of us were in any shape to do so. We both had been through intense scenes with our partners and were still floating too high to do an energy scene. So, we decided to follow through with it at the pool party the next day.

I was actually a little nervous because I'm not used to topping. Though, I am a priestess and know how to do Reiki sessions and such, but Reiki (the way I do it so far), doesn't involve sexual energy. What i wanted to do with j, was going to involve sexual energy, because that is what she wanted. She had participated in a sacred touch tent that my husband and I had facilitated last year, and wanted to go further. So, I made sure to watch another energy worker Saturday night. That gave me some ideas. Plus, I've watched my husband, Dan with many women over the last decade and decided to copy a little of His style as well. He is a Qadesh and it shows when he’s with someone.

We get to the pool party and j is very excited about this. I'm still a little nervous, but very much looking forward to giving this a try. I plan on doing Reiki and sacred touch and see where it goes from there. j and i head for the basement play area. We are the only ones there and j turns down the music. I asked them what they have in mind. j says they want to experience more of the sacred touch. I did some negotiation with j...asked how comfortable they were with getting naked, etc. Since this person is a gender bender (meant in a very loving way), i wanted to make sure i didn't cross any gender boundaries. They were very honest and open with me and negotiation went well. This was a first for me. I've never negotiated as a 'top'.

This person was ok with getting naked and asked if they should strip. I told them that we would get to that, but that I would help them. Again, a trick I got from Dan. Slowly, I charged up my energy field and started touching their body, kissing and licking their skin. I whispered to them how not only the hands are a gateway to energy, but so is the tongue. The noises they made were delightful. I made love to this persons body with my touch through their clothes. I made love to them without touching them at all. I charged my intent with love and passion and played in their energy field.

I spent a lot of time undressing this person. Slow and sensual. At the first sacred touch tent event, they had kept on their underclothes. Not this time. They were more sure of their body. They were trusting with what I had in mind for them. It was so amazing. And the light kisses....*sigh* I loved this person. I could tell by the look in their eyes that they were feeling the love that I was touching them with.

I finally asked them to get up onto the massage table and then spent a lot of time giving Reiki, sacred touch, balancing chakras and clearing their energy. I could feel their walls completely crumble. They became totally relaxed and just allowed me to be intuitive and let my hands touch, stroke and caress.

j allowed theirself to be vulnerable and open. We talked later and this was very healing for them.

To have someone so trusting and receptive under my hands....what a joy. I was so honored.

Wednesday, September 10, 2008

Kink Magic

I have many experiences that I'd like to share.....but this one is already written up, so it gets posted first. :)

We were asked to write up one of our experiences for a book by Taylor Ellwood, titled Kink Magic.

Here is a copy of that:

We mentored a woman who was dealing with traumatizing memories of her past.
She had repressed them for a long time, and they were starting to come back to
her in her dreams. She had symptoms of Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. She was
tired of the memories emerging at random, and wanted more control over this
process. We had worked with her for a few years, using Sacred Sexuality as one
method to aid in her healing. Feeling comfortable with this work, she came to
us and asked if we would help her use BDSM to dig deeper. We agreed, and
planned a ritual involving BDSM, ritual and Reiki.

We prepared her for the ritual by hugging her and undressing her, and then we
strapped her to a frame. Next, we took deep breaths, focused on her healing,
and invoked the directions (quarters) and the God and Goddess to watch over
the ritual. We worked on connecting to her energetically, pulling in Reiki to
help strengthen the connection and help us achieve the highest good with this
process. We then proceeded to flog her. We took turns flogging her, telling
her it was okay to drop her walls. We asked her to trust the Goddess to give
her the memories she was ready for. We told her it was okay to have walled
them up for survival of the trauma, but that she was now in a safe place with
a support network and it was okay to remember so that she could lay the
memories to rest. Between flogging sessions, we stroked her skin, giving her
more Reiki and whispering to her that it was okay to remember.

Her walls finally dropped and she became a crying mess. We took her down from
the frame so that her body could relax and she could lose herself in the
crying. We draped her over a footstool, made sure she was comfortable, and
paddled her. She cried and cried, releasing mental toxins from her system.
After a short time reassuring her that we were okay with her crying, and that
we cared enough to make her comfortable, we proceeded with the ritual. In her
case, crying was good. We finished by helping her rise from the spanking
position, wrapping her in a blanket, and releasing the directions.

Then, the three of us cuddled on the couch while she cried on our shoulders.
We gave her major aftercare, including Reiki sessions. The aftercare lasted a
couple of days while she processed the memories with her therapist. (Dan &
Dawn, Sacred Sexuality & BDSM Presenters – Personal Communication 1-9-2007)

Monday, September 8, 2008

Qadishtu Outer Court

Qadishtu Outer Court from Saturday night
Over the weekend, I was fortunate enough to be attending a lovely Tantra event. (I feel that I can never seem to learn enough and I find that there are so many 'coincidental similarities' between so many of the Sacred Paths, that the overlap lessons are always beneficial)While there I was able to assist with some limited Qadishtu work in what many of the Qadishtu movement refer to as the Outer Court.

Prior to the Ritual, there is always a briefing class to cover the guidelines for anyone who is new to the art. The layout of the ritual area is shown, in this case, we had a twin size air mattress in the Center that the Seeker would be able to lay upon and then some blankets and pillows for the High Priest and High Priestess, and all the givers, some of whom are Qadishtu trained.

Limitations are explained as any activity that you, as a seeker, do not feel comfortable with having done while you are in the Center. Some limitations might include only being touched where there is no clothing, i.e., only on bare skin, or only a firm touch and not a lighter touch that might tickle, or a light touch and not a firm touch that will hurt sore muscles, or not being kissed on the mouth by anyone other than a fluid-bonded partner, and someone might explain that they have recently had gall bladder surgery and so to not touch their stomach area at all. These are just some of the many limitations that people can mention.

Also, a safe word can be used at any point and ALL activity is stopped. This safe word is for the seeker, or the person in the middle, when perhaps the emotions get to intense or the touch is more than they can deal with at this time. The safe word is in place for each person’s protection. Sometimes the touch can be joyful and arousing. Sometimes, if not frequently, the touch of others can bring issues to the forefront. Perhaps, a loving touch is a reminder that a seeker does not get enough loving touch in their personal lives. Perhaps, a loving touch is a reminder of a past love whose chapter is not resolved. Perhaps, the loving touch is a remembrance of a Mother’s touch who recently passed. There is no shame in calling out the safe word. It is just a word of protection. Any issues brought up should be further examined. If appropriate, the examination can take place at the end of the ceremony with any of the Priests or Priestess with whom a seeker has a connection. If not at the end of the ceremony, then a seeker needs to do some self-evaluation in the hopes of working on this issue to gain enlightenment.

Preferences are explained as any activity that you, when a seeker, would like to have done to you that you enjoy. Some of the preferences sited, were that they liked their hair played with, or their feet handled in a loving manner, or kisses on their neck, or nipple play is ok but just not too rough, or that they were a dessert plate – defined as pretty much anything and everything is wonderful. This is just a short list of preferences.

The group settles around the mattress and the High Priestess begins with a prayer to close and bless the area and then an invocation of her Deity whom she prefers to work with. Then each of us was invited to pray or invoke any of our own Deities. Some people just prayed for guidance, some asked for the Goddess Inanna or Gaia or Pan among others to join us in this Sacred Space.

A moment of silence is shared.

Then the High Priestess asks for a volunteer for the center. In this case, the seeker was just biding her time until the offer was given. She gave her name and her limitations and her preferences as only someone experienced can list that quickly. She lay back on the cushions and each of us (healers) placed a hand on her body in a gentle and loving manner so as to acclimate her body for continued touch.

Many of the healers followed a pattern of touch where their hands flowed over the seeker’s body in a rhythmic manner. Some healers just used a more random stroke all over the permitted area. One healer worked with the energy given off from the head. Personally, I tend to close my eyes and let my hands see the colors inside and that guides me to an area that needs a positive energy gift. But the work for this particular seeker progressed for about 15 minutes.

A side note here: not all healers need touch all seekers. There are times when healers need to center or ground themselves. Sometimes a healer will not feel comfortable with a particular seeker, and this is an ok feeling and must be respected.

The next seeker is up and lists off several limitations and a request for a much lighter touch. He only wishes to be touched by women and prefers not to have a man touch him. This is a perfectly fine request. It is much better to be honest than it is to feel uncomfortable. The time in the center of the circle is meant to be loving and comforting allowing the mind to float in a relaxed state. If this man had not mentioned that he didn’t want another’s man touch, than he would have not allowed himself to fully relax and to continue to fret over who was touching him.
This particular man called out his safe word after only about 7 – 8 minutes. He was relaxed but then a sudden noise from outside the circle interrupted his peace and he wanted to re-group before continuing.

Much of this night’s Outer Court was very fluid and laughter filled. This is rather unusual as generally this time is more somber but tonight there was a certain playfulness in the air. Many of the seekers found a joyful and positive space in which to reflect. Many of the healers, although serious in their work, also were able to thrive off the joy in the seeker’s response. More than once, there was laughter heard around the circle at the end of the seeker’s time in the center. One man couldn’t even speak because he couldn’t stop smiling. He would start and the words were gibberish and then he would giggle which of course made all of us giggle.

This levity is unusual, but it was the right mood at the right time for this particular Outer Court. One person who had invoked Pan, even commented that maybe Pan was present and being his usual mischievous self. Whatever the reason, all involved had their moods lightened.

The group went through 9 seekers on this particular evening. Each seeker built on the sacred energy that the previous seeker left. There were plenty of healers so that no one healer over-worked themselves. The air was alive with divine love and energy.

At the conclusion, our High Priestess, asked us all to gather together in a prayer of conclusion and to re-open the circle. As is customary, the energy gathered with the group is sent out into the world to help wherever such energy is best utilized.

Tonight, the High Priestess cast our Sacred Energy into the bonfire and WHOOOSHHH, the fire grew brighter and taller as it accepted our energy. If I had not seen the fire grow so intensely, I would not have believed it possible, but the fire did swell. It was a site that caused many of the revelers who were outside the Outer Court to stop and take notice. Some of them just nodded sagely and some others just looked at us like we had two heads. Well, in a way, some of us did have two heads: we had our human form, and then we also wore the head of whatever God-form whom we invoked.

There is a power when we allow a God to work thru our human hands and allow the energy from the God to help with Sacred Touch. It was present for all to see that night.

After the fire went WHOOOOSHHH (just like that word!), the drummers began their rhythmic, intoxicating drumming. Most of our group stayed up at the fire for several more hours just soaking up the sexual energy that had been raised. Even I, with my leg in a brace and generally in too much pain to generally move much by evening, danced with many of the other revelers. And one thing that I found interesting was, that even though I danced and talked and walked all over, I had very little pain. My gait was even improved. Now, that was some impressive energy!!

Most of the people at the fire, and not just those in our group, but many of the people who came up after we finished our ritual, commented that there ‘was something different in the air’ that night. There was a difference: it was called Love and Acceptance and a Release of Tensions caused by our normal, societal stigmas that inhibit us from being Free.


Monday, September 1, 2008

I have the touch

At times, being a Qadishtu is simply about touch. Touch. We don't get enough of it in our society and it can a very clear or a very confusing message. A gentle touch can convey deep compassion. And not always does a touch imply more. Sometimes contact can be a reminder to be in the now, in the moment, here and present.