More info about this blog

These stories are real, though some details may be fictionalized, to protect confidentiality and identities, but these are actual accounts of Qadishtu moments. Stories can be told from either the point of view of the priest or priestess or from the perspective of the client/seeker/supplicant. The point is - what do we actually DO? This blog seeks to help answer that through example. What we do is incredibly varied, depending on our individual experience, training, gifts, and inclinations, and that's why this is a group endeavor. We all have gems to contribute to the larger understanding of what it means to be Qadishtu and the significant need for this role in our society today.

Please be sure to see our Calendar of Sacred Sexuality & Qadishtu Events at the very bottom of this page!

Saturday, February 28, 2009

Qadishtu By Any Other Name

Earth Priestess
The moon was high upon the hill. Luscious in Her fullness. I felt ripe with her. My breasts swollen. I ran through the darkened trees. Howling. Feeling my blood pulse in the rhythms of Her sea. I returned to the Wooden Yurt hidden in the woods, lit the wood stove, and lay me down to stoke other fires. My passion. My vision.

I caressed my body slowly, lingeringly from head to toe. Thank you I said softly. Thank you for being my body, for caring my soul. Thank you for holding my beauty and desire. In waves, arousal built and as it did I called and breathed the energy up from my throbbing vulva through my belly up to my heart, my 3rd eye and cascading out of the fontinelle, the crown. I sent the radiant light of Eros out to all beings.

Invoking love, light, and the healing integration of heart, body, mind, spirit and Eros (again). Can you feel it?

Sex Counselor
I closed the door to the room paneled in dark wood. We had added a move-able fireplace, candles, artwork, couches, chocolate and water. I lit the candles. Brought out a bit of sage and smudged the room. Praying that I might be guided to bring healing to this couple who had lost the spark of desire between them.

Throughout the 2 hour session, I would breathe the energy down to the earth. The mother/father planet that carries us all. Throughout the session I would pray - help. From deep in my belly would arise wisdom, as a fish coming to the surface from a deep lake. I would invite them to look softly into one another's eyes, or breathe together, or hear compassionately, or encourage them to touch softly.

I saw the light return to their eyes. I saw the hope rise in their hearts. At one point they jokingly asked if we could leave the room. Divine Eros was present.

Sexual Healer
He had a lover from 4 to 8 years old. A best guy friend turned comrade in sensual exploration as well as sports. It was fun, innocent, and filled with pleasure. One day, out of no where it seemed, his friend came over to say "I don't want to be your friend anymore. Your penis is ugly."

He became my beloved when he was 48. For 40 years he had been driven by sex, tried it all, and cheated on every relationship. The first time we made love, I felt his lush soulful energy missing from his phallus. When I asked why, he told me the tale above.

Over the next 8 months, I would give him 2 hour sessions in our bed. I would clear my mind, open my heart, pray, invoke the Divine Feminine in me and invite the Divine Masculine in him. Most of this without words. Pure presence. Deep compassion. Full love.

I would put one hand on his heart chakra (in the center of the chest) and one hand gently cupping his wand of life (his phallus). I would envision the energy moving between them. I would gently caress and massage him from head to toe with my hands, my breasts, my lips, and all of me. Blessing. Blessing. Blessing. Blessing.

Over the months he began to dream. At first of a leper family. I offered it might be his disenfranchised inner Little Boy and Inner Nurturers. Later he would wake shouting "Do you hear them? The people in the shadows outside the house?" Still later outside the room.

I offered they might be his Inner Family coming closer.

One day, while making love, I invoked my Little Girl and asked "do you have a Little Boy?" He closed his eyes. Checked inside . . . and said yes. Then that part of me asked "Can he come out and play?" He closed his eyes. Checked inside. When he opened his eyes innocence was there looking out at me.

We began to rock. Bounce. Laugh. Nuzzle. All while our genitals were connected. Ahhh. Such joy.

I learned that day, that it is the Little One's inside us that carry our deepest pain and purest potential. It is in the bringing home and healing of the Natural Self, the Eros Self in innocence that full love can finally arise.

Qadishtu by any other name?

When I presence the Divine All That Is, when I invite myself to be guided by something beyond what I think I know, when I flow with spirit on behalf of the healing of the Erotic Nature, I am Qadishtu.

Wednesday, February 25, 2009

Scarlet Sanctuary and the abdl

I have many stories from the evening at Winter Wickedness and our time in the Scarlet Sanctuary, but the one that stands out for me is my session with the 'adult baby diaper lover'. I knew this was going to happen, as they had emailed me before hand to see if I'd be able to do it.

When I first received the email, my first reaction was that I wouldn't be able to do it. With my triggers, it was asking for trouble. Dan said he'd take care of writing them back to gently let them know that I wouldn't be able to do such a session. But, we both sat there and thought about it and I told him that it felt like I was supposed to do this. He said he had the same feeling. So, I looked within myself and decided to give it a try. I've been through a lot of work and healing over the last years and this would be a way that I could help someone else.

We talked more with the couple over the following weeks and I told them what my triggers were. But, that since he was a male, I was going to give it a try. They were very appreciative.

Saturday night rolls around and it's time for the session of sacred touch. I went to the altar and called on my Priestess side and then went out to greet them.

We put 2 tables together so that we could work on both members of the couple at the same time. Feeling the energy of the abdl, I could see that he needed to have her close by. He was in child mode. He called me 'Miss Dawn', like an obedient child and I proceeded to undress him. He helped out in the manner that a child would. We set his teddy bear off to the side in a safe place and I proceeded to walk him to the table. I had someone else helping me at the time with the girl, undressing her and such, so that I wouldn't have to leave the guy alone while dealing with the gal. He was in such a space that it wouldn't have been good for me to leave him alone during any point of this. He was very vulnerable and I considered him very brave to be doing this at all. That is what kept going through my brave he was. Though it was a kinky event that we were at, abdl's still get looked at funny. But, there really isnt' any other place for them to go and let that side of themselves out.

Well, I got him on the table after he whispered to me asking if I was going to be ok with him wearing a diaper. Oddly enough, I was perfectly fine with it. I thought it would be a shame for him to have to take it off just to make me feel better. My heart was telling me that he needed to be embraced completely while in this mode. He needed to be accepted and loved. It was no different than the trans persons that had come in through the night. It was someone that needed loving touch, while in their alternate persona. And that's what I gave him. I opened my heart and gave him love. His energy was so warm and gentle. Hers was caring and loving for him.

After about 20 - 25 minutes, me and my helper were both finished. We helped the couple up and helped them get re-dressed. Both of them had huge smiles on their faces.

When done with the session, I went to the statue and gave it all the icky stuff that I had pulled from his belly. More energy to be used later.

I thanked the Goddess for allowing me to experience such a moment.

They told me later that it had been more than what they had imagined. All through the night if they saw me taking a break out in the hall, they would stop me and say how much they had appreciated the experience.

No triggers for me. I was actually able to channel pretty well and got some messages from the Goddess. I'm still processing those.

It was a beautiful, loving experience.

--- dawn

getting it

Recently, we were at an event in Washington, DC, and someone requested we do a "scene". Now, a scene can range from anywhere to highly sexual to BDSM exploration to other kinds of intimate interaction.

This person, whom we'll call A, was a little vague on what she wanted. She had seen us present two classes, one on Sacred Sexuality, another an introduction to BDSM, so we were not sure which way she wanted to approach this. As we started to negotiate (very important, creating a clear understanding of what we were all looking for and what limits we wanted in place), it simply wasn't becoming clear.

Sometimes the heart knows it has a need, but we can have difficulty expressing it, either from a lack of being taught it was ok to ask, from being uncertain/fearing rejection, or simply not having the language.

What she needed was intimacy. Being connected. Being touched. Being valued. Being accepted as a member of the human family, cherished by each other.

We ended up settling on a scene that was based on simple touch. Stroking, carressing, connecting touch. It was intimate, mildly erotic, and a wonderful opprotunity for her to practice receiving and for us to practice giving.

Sunday, February 22, 2009

My Path As Qadishti

I tried very hard not to be a Qadishtu. I wanted to walk away from anything having to do with Sacred Sexuality, and hoped to never encounter the phrase again. I dropped off all of the e-mail groups, avoided all of the livejournal posts, and even unfriended people I knew who’d been involved. See, I’d been too close. I knew too much. I found myself in the same place I’d gotten to when I faced the crossroads of Christianity and Paganism – if the reality of Christianity couldn’t match the hype, and the people couldn’t really LIVE their beliefs on a day-to-day basis, what was the point? I wanted something real – something life changing, something that would make a difference in a person’s life and bring hope and joy and celebration to their every day experience, not just once a week on Sunday. If the reality I’d seen being that close to the inner-workings of the “Modern Qadishti Movement” was all there was, I didn’t want to have anything to do with it.

But one day I received a phone call from a fellow priestess who was troubled by my disappearance. Several tearful hours later I had to agree with her basic assessment – that being Qadishtu was more than someone’s “movement”, or a religious path. Being Qadishtu was an essential part of who I was, and I could walk away from the trappings, but not the calling.

I remembered how, as a high school student, I would intentionally make eye contact with teachers as they lectured, so they’d know at least someone was paying attention. Or how I would leave notes on co-workers cars, just to brighten their day (particularly if I knew they were having a rough time). I remembered the day I was waiting for a bus, and a construction worker passed by where I was waiting, and I smiled at him. A few minutes later he walked back the other way, and I smiled again. He stopped in front of me, smiled back and said, “You have such an incredible smile. Thank you!” and then went on down the road. Those little moments of connection, those times of reaching out to bring joy, or comfort, or a little touch of deity…those moments are as essential to my soul as breathing is to my body. I’ve spent my whole life dedicated to sharing love with people – connecting and soothing and chasing away the loneliness and isolation this modern world imposes so often on the people around us. I know that loneliness and isolation, and I can’t help but feel it in the people around me. And when I feel it, I have to reach out and try to do something about it. It’s just part of who I am, which is all tied up in how I love, and how I relate to the people closest to me as well as those who pass through my life briefly.

Still it was hard to risk staying involved. I knew too many people, there were too many expectations, and I had too much knowledge in my head of the reality that so starkly contrasted the “public image” of what I had been involved with before. I was very tentative with my involvement. But I saw something happening that I felt strongly drawn to be a part of, and so I volunteered to help with a “Red Tent” being offered at an event I was attending.

The transformation I experienced that night was overwhelming, and it took me a while to assimilate what I’d learned. I only worked with two seekers, but the peace and “rightness” and sense that this is what I was meant to do, and this is who I was meant to be, washed over me in a wave of heat and love and power. I received so much more than I gave that night, because I knew deep into the depths of my soul, in a way I’d never experienced before, that I’d been touched and affirmed by deity. My service was accepted, and what I was doing was “right” (even if I’m never quite sure of what I’m doing). I had a sense of “coming home” to what I was, when I hadn’t even realized I’d lost myself. From that moment, I’ve known I need to stay connected to this work and the people who are doing it. And I want to learn more – I want to get past the sense of “guessing my way through things” and be able to know when the power if flowing, and to “see” better what needs to be done. All of which means risking being open to what the gods choose to show me (and that isn’t always comfortable or easy).

For now, I hold on to the concept I encountered in a fiction book written by Spider Robinson. In his book Lady Slings The Booze, the main character Joe has been taking a tour of Lady Sally's bordello, which is designed for "equal opportunity enjoyment" (from the back cover). One of the "artists" who work there is explaining the ropes to him after he's been awed by how the operation works:

"...Really, to work here there's only one thing you have to learn."
Just one?" I said dubiously.
"Well, yeah. But I admit it's a little tough to really learn how."
"Okay, I'm ready."
"Pay attention," she said.
I waited to be sure that was it, and said "That's it?"
"That's it. Pay attention. You're being paid money; pay back attention. Real close attention. Everything else happens naturally."

That to me is the key component of being Qadishti – Paying Attention. Whether it’s the woman you see on the bus clutching her purse a little too tightly and surreptitiously wiping a tear from her cheek, or someone who asks you for relationship advice, or a client who’s come to a temple to experience sacred touch…Pay Attention. Listen. Watch. FEEL. And then reach out in love, and experience miracles.

Saturday, February 21, 2009

Qadishti Eyes

“Every closed eye is not sleeping, and every open eye is not seeing.” Bill Cosby

I usually try to watch where I am walking (yes, Grace is a nickname) but as I stand at an elevator waiting for the crowds to part, I begin to notice that I was the only person in site wearing a skirt, camisole and jacket in earth tones. To my left were suits in gray, black and navy. To my right were suits in navy, black and gray. I steal a quick glance over my shoulder and see a whole sea of blacks, navies and grays. I turn completely around and begin squinting my eyes, as if I am looking for someone, and as I squint, the sea of black, navy and gray blur into a vastness of muted dark with only miniscule specks of a lighter flesh color for faces.

Ughh! I need to see sunlight and the cerulean blue sky. Quickly.

The elevator dings its arrival and I turn and wait until the passengers exit before entering the cube myself. A smooth ride to the lobby and I am able to escape out the side door. Soon I am squinting for another reason even as I smile into the sunshine.

I share my smile with the other people around me. Another cluster of business suits all still pushing buttons on their blackberries, or gazing off into the parking lot with blank stares. A fascinating study of humans and how they can so disassociate with the living around them. I admit that it is easier to exclude yourself from intimacy especially when in public. But this is opposite to all the teachings that I learn in walking the Path of the Qadishti. As a Qadishti, I seek to make a connection with the stranger next to me just as much as I make a connection with any seeker.

My eyes drift shut as I think about how important my eyes are to my work. My eyes are the first link to seeing inside someone’s soul. My eyes are the windows to my heart, just as your eyes are the windows to your heart.

Previously on this very Blog, some of my colleagues have talked about the importance of eyes. We try to elucidate the significance of opening our eyes to truly see who is in front of us every waking moment. It is a labor of our love for this path in helping others open themselves as humans, as individuals, and as sexual beings. Our job is to help our seekers connect all the parts. This connection is our Qadishti labor of love.

Monday, February 16, 2009

Scarlet Sanctuary

During a recent alternative lifestyle event, I was priviledged to spend my Saturday evening serving others in the Scarlet Sanctuary hosted by the Path of the Qadishti group. On a few other occaisions I have done some one on one Qadishtu work within a BDSM setting. It is interesting how well the two work together. Although the energy is a little different with the activities going on around me, it doesn't seem to detract too much from the benefits received. For this round of the Scarlet Sanctuary, we had our own room and so the energy was not quite as chaotic as it has been in the past where we shared space with other dungeon activities.

I had several moments that were unique and special for me personally - but there was one particular thing that stood out to me.

Prior to this event, I have not had the opportunity to take a turn at the door welcoming seekers to the sanctuary - but this time I was blessed to be able to offer some help there. After I got through the routine questions, I would take a breath to center myself, blessed their foreheads with a symbol that taps into my inner Qadishtu (the snake), look them deeply and directly into the eyes and said "Welcome, you are loved." It was neat to have an opportunity to welcome seekers, but that isn't what stood out to me...what stood out was watching the reaction in their eyes at the simple statement - "welcome, you are loved." They would widen a bit in surprise, then soften with pleasure. No one looked away, they all met my gaze and acknowledged my greeting. In that moment I was fully connected with them. I can still see many of their faces and in particular the eyes and feel blessed with their presence.

I think the eyes have the theme for me this event - as it leads to my other strongest memory of the weekend which was simply seeing the look of bliss, relaxation and gratitude on the faces of those with whom I was priviledged to work on. I tried to be sure I was right there when their eyes opened, looking at them with the love I feel in my heart and doing my best to continue communicating that to them even after the session was over. One in particular deeply touched me - I can't even begin to describe the look that was in her (his - he was a cross dresser) eyes. She sought me out later to thank me again and to tell me that she would never forget my face - well, I have to say, I will never forget hers either.

And like I'm sure all of you experienced, getting random hugs throughout the remainder of the evening along with thanks you, reminded me that the experience stayed with our seekers long after their session was over.

There were several comments from the people waiting for their turn about how wonderful just sitting in the room felt. The peaceful and loving energy was palpable and it was generated by all of us who came together with a mutual purpose. Very cool stuff.

It was a pleasure to serve alongside my fellow Qadishti, and to feel the energetic presence of those of you who could not be with us in person.

In abundant love,

Friday, February 13, 2009

Qadishtu Lovin' on Freya's Day

Friday the 13th of February, 2009 – This is Freya’s sacred day of love and sexuality. I think it’s so magical that we have a Friday the 13th just before Valentine’s Day this year. On this sacred day, I celebrate my relationship with a Qadishtu ritual. Sometimes, Qadishti need some Qadishtu lovin’, too, and so I will be Qadishtu for my beloved, my Qadishtu partner and mentor, as he will be for me.

I am his Priestess. I welcome him into my sacred chamber and smudge him with the pungent, sensuous smoke of Sandalwood incense. I waft the smoke around his head, down the front of his body, across his arms, and then up the back of his body. As I finish, he turns back around and takes the incense from me, and smudges me in the same way. He is my Priest. The smoke purifies the space, cleanses our auras, and carries our prayers to the Divine.

I serve him tea from a clear teapot in which we can watch the blossoming of a flower tea ball, blessing us with its beauty and scent. We sip quietly, savoring the taste and warmth of the tea, and gaze into one another’s eyes, allowing our energies to gradually entwine and our bodily rhythms to match. We appreciate each other and convey our love to one another through this eye-gazing exercise.

As if on cue, we both set down our cups and stand. Still maintaining intimate eye contact, we slowly strip for one another, gradually revealing ourselves to the other, on multiple levels simultaneously. Our clothes fall to the ground in a roughly circular pattern, of their own accord creating our sacred circle. We then call the quarters:

I am his Goddess.

“With my breath,” I start, stepping into the circle of his arms and putting my mouth to his. I continue, “I bring you Air.” We begin the circular Breath of Fire, slowly increasing our speed, until our bodies begin to hum.

He is my God.

“With my passion,” he says, stepping in closer and gripping my hair at the base of my neck in just the way he knows that I like. “I bring you Fire,” he continues, and then plunges his tongue into my mouth, and I revel in the feel of our tongues dancing.

We are the Sacred Pair.

“With my juices,” I purr, staring deep into his eyes. I reach between my legs and coat my fingers, and finish: “I bring you Water.” I bring my moistened fingers up to his mouth and gently trace his lips. His tongue darts out to lap at my fingertips.

We are Divine.

“With my wood,” he growls, reaching down and gripping his fully erect lingam. He backs me into the edge of the bed, until I sit and then lay back, lifting and separating my legs in invitation. “I bring you Earth!” And I cry out as he enters me to the hilt in one smooth motion.

We are One.

We dance the intimate, sacred dance of the Goddess, reveling in the feel of each other’s skin, delighting in the sounds of joy and pleasure escaping each other’s throats, and pouring all of our love into this moment, wringing all the pleasure we possibly can from this sacred Gift. At the peak of my orgasm, I send a silent prayer to Freya, thanking her for bringing this man into my life, who has healed me, mentored me, partnered with me, loved me. It is through his love that I have blossomed into the Qadishtu priestess that I am, and I dedicate this to him.

Happy Valentine’s Day / Freya’s Day / Lovers’ Day. Happy Relationships Day – regardless of your partner status – this is a holiday to celebrate ALL your intimate relationships – including with yourself and with the Divine. May all the Goddess’ gifts of joy and pleasure and bliss be yours in abundance.


Wednesday, February 11, 2009

50 people

Over this past weekend, a group of us ran a Scarlet Sanctuary at an event in Ohio. During the 6 hour period we ran, we administered sacred touch to 50 people.

To say we were tired after it was over is an understatement.

It was really something to see so many people come through, with such interest, and need.

One person wept while another had an energetic orgasm. And we, as facilitators, did not 'cause' either of this reactions, but instead simply...assisted people to become vulnerable to sexuality, to intimacy, to whatever it is they needed to be.

I recall having one woman I was working on go from nervous, to relaxed, to meditative, and then to energized and erotically awake. It was an amazing transformation for her, and for me, to be part of that journey.

Saturday, February 7, 2009

Educating others about the Qadishti Path

Today is my scheduled turn to post. Instead of another true-life tale, I'd like to make a statement of purpose. We now have 13 blog contributors this Winter and a goal of averaging two sharings per week. I strongly believe The Qadishtu Experience is an important tool to educate others about What we do and Why we do this exciting and important work.

Some of us are at Winter Wickedness in Ohio as I write these words, doing Sacred Touch with Seekers in a carefully designed Scarlet Sanctuary environment. Other Qadishti are emotionally and sexually supporting a wide variety of Clients in diverse ways elsewhere. A select few are being compensated and most are exchanging energy for personal reasons and the appreciation of those we serve.

Regardless of Why we are drawn to this Path, the "What" is fascinating. We have many amazing stories to tell. Our challenges, triumphs, failures and specific How-To information is essential to understanding the modern Qadishtu movement. While I think the readership would benefit from a well done historically-oriented post, this blog is mostly concerned with 21st century practices.

Previously, I had sponsored a series of posts about a female Client's experience from her point-of-view. It was excellent, but Miss ~X~ requested that I delete her writing last week because the information could violate her privacy. Nothing is more important than Client confidentiality. However, this material was so powerful that I will try to do this again in the future.

Another aspiration of mine is to have a new Terra Incognita Qadishtu Priestess talk about her apprenticeship and training program here. I've had several sincere enquiries about this process recently and our lovely Honey Priestess's first-hand accounts should be extremely helpful to others.

Please feel free to comment and promote The Qadishtu Experience to other people in the Sacred Sexuality community. We need your active participation to let folks know what we are doing to expand this loving dialectic to those who need our services.