Just Having Fun

“Can Tantra help me with erectile dysfunction?” Robert asked, as he clasped his hands and leaned forward.

This was our first session. He was an older man, with white hair and saggy muscles. His blue eyes looked at me hopefully.

“Well, there are a lot of reasons for that, so it can be complicated. Let’s start with the easiest ones first – the physical causes. Have you seen a doctor about this?”

“Yes, he didn’t find anything wrong.”

“Do you smoke?”

“No,” he answered.

“Good. Smoking will constrict the blood flow to the penis and make it harder to have an erection. How much exercise do you get?”

“Well, I don’t do very much.”

“You might try adding some aerobic exercise to your daily routine. If you have good circulation, then you’re more likely to get good blow flow.”

I continued to ask him questions about his physical health – diabetes, antidepressants, and his general health condition. Nothing seemed to be out of the ordinary, so I moved into another area.

“Sometimes when you focus upon trying to get an erection too much, it actually gets in the way. You give yourself performance pressure. When you think to yourself, ‘I wonder if I’ll stay soft this time,’ your brain hears ‘stay soft’ and it cooperates.”

He chuckled a little. “Yes, I can see that.”

“One thing that Tantra teaches is to just stay in the moment, without an agenda of what should happen. You can enjoy the sensations of sexual touch whether you have an erection or not. If you’re working hard to have an erection, then sex becomes work, not fun. And isn’t is supposed to be fun?”

“Yes, I guess it is.”

“So let’s try a little experiment. Let me pleasure you, and instead of trying to make something happen, let yourself just have fun.”

“Ok,” he agreed. “Sounds good to me.”

As I touched him, I made sure to include his whole body, with only incidental touches to his lingam. I made my pace leisurely, reminding him from time to time to focus just upon the touch in the moment without needing it to go anywhere next. His body responded to my touch with relaxation, and he began to drift.

Soon, his penis began to enlarge. I began to focus more upon it, adding lubricant to make a sensuous slippery feel. His mouth opened in arousal and his lingam got harder.

“Oh, that feels good,” he breathed.

“Good, I’m glad you’re enjoying it. Just continue to pay attention to each touch, as if you have never been touched before. Notice how it is different one moment to the next.”

I encircled the base of his penis with my thumb and fingers, trapping the blood and creating a full erection. My other hand continued to glide over his lingam.

“Oh! I’m going to come!” he exclaimed.

“Good, let yourself do that,” I purred.

His body stiffened and his face reddened as he ejaculated. Soon, he collapsed into a complete relaxation. Moments passed in silence as I continued to cup his genitals in my hands.

“Thank you so much.” He slowly opened his eyes and looked at me. “It’s been a really long time since that happened.”

“See what happens when you drop the goal and stay in the moment?” I smiled at him. “Did you have fun?”

“Yes, it was great fun! Much better than working at it,” he laughed.

“Now you know what is possible. You can do this again.”


(This is an excerpt from my book, Tales of a Sacred Prostitute.)

Recently, I learned that Craigslist in the US closed down its Erotic Services Category. I didn’t even know that Craigslist had an Erotic Services Category (and yes, I probably should surface from my computer every once in a while and visit the ‘real’ world). For more info you may want to check out the following:
http://latimesblogs.latimes.com/technology/2009/05/craigslist-attorneys-general-erotic-services-prostitution.html
While I am not surprised by a privately owned company shutting down anything erotic, I am pleasantly surprised at some of the support that this action has generated.
I have read several letters written by former clients of the service stating why they felt that had legitimate reasons for utilizing such a service. Some of their reasons were shyness, feelings of inadequacy with the opposite sex, adventure, and simple exploration. However, one article in particular would elicit sympathy from even a member of the Moral Majority (or perhaps it SHOULD elicit feelings). This client spoke of his medical condition resulting in facial ticks and tremors and handicapped social skills. To this client, ‘hiring’ a partner relieved the burden of trying to impress a prospective partner. This is turn, removed some of the stressors that, let’s be honest, can affect any sort of interaction for anyone much less someone who feels less than adequate socially due to a medical condition.
Craigslist was bowing to pressure from law enforcement agencies to remove the ease of finding illegal services. But as pointed out by Illinois Atty. Gen. Lisa Madigan, “Prostitution will not disappear” (LAT, May 13, 2009, Business Section). And erotic providers have already begun utilizing alternate advertising sources according to The Washington City Paper, that states that newspaper “sales of adult ads was up 38 percent in the first week of May”, (WIRED, June 2, 2009, Threat Level Online) This statistic is repeated all across the country.
So if the law enforcement officials are saying that prostitution will always be around, and this is supported in part by the proof that sex providers who are just going about their business in a different matter – why, oh why, does the government seek to impose their moral beliefs upon all of society?
I do not apologize for having my own moral compass to which I adhere. This censorship of morals is a major cause of the exaggerated inhibitions that most of our society suffers from. Which is turn, is why there is such an incredible, under-reported need for human touch.
As a Qadishtu, I offer a service: a service of human touch; a service of acceptance; a service that allows me to be a funnel from the Goddess representing her love; and a service that helps heal me as I work to help heal others.

I am proudly a Qadishtu priestess.

Making Love To Yourself

He was a tow truck driver, sloppy fat with greasy hair and black under his fingernails. His shirttail hung out on one side, and his khaki pants were baggy.

Gulping inwardly, I welcomed him in. Remembering my ethic of finding something lovable about each person, I softened as I gazed at him.

“How may I serve you?”

“I’ve heard that tantra will help me slow down. I could use that.”

“Yes, I can teach you a way to breathe that will help you with that.”

I began to explain the mechanics of drawing energy up the spine away from the pelvis. I asked him to tell me when he needed to slow down, so I could help him redistribute the energy.

Once he was familiar with the process of delay, I encouraged him to just lie back and enjoy the touch. Caressing him lightly on his legs and thighs stimulated an erection almost immediately. I stroked around his lingam, not touching it, and moved up his belly and chest with my hands. After a few minutes of teasing him, I took his penis in my hands and held it gently.

“Remember, tell me when you want to slow down.”

“All right. It feels really good.”

I poured some lubricant into my hands and enjoyed the slippery feel as my hands slid all over his lingam. Suddenly his body tensed and his eyes grew wide.

“Whoa! Slow down!” Instantly I stopped, but it was too late. His cock twitched and semen began to flow.

“Just let go and enjoy,” I encouraged. “Don’t try to stop it now.” I knew that if he did, he would still have the ejaculation, but no orgasm or pleasure.

As his orgasm subsided, I glanced at the clock. It had been five minutes since I had begun touching him. “Wow, he really does need some help,” I thought to myself. “I had no idea how trigger-happy he was.”

“This is just part of the learning process,” I told him once he was able to hear me again. “You have to learn your body to be able to do this technique. That’s the tricky part. It takes practice. The more you practice, the more you will begin to know when you are getting close, and you can slow down sooner. Practice makes perfect!”

“Should I come to see you again?” he asked.

“Yes, I’d be happy to help you practice,” I answered. “And you can also practice with yourself. Make love to yourself, and practice delaying. You’ll learn a lot.”

“Make love to myself? You mean masturbate?”

“Yes, I like to call it making love to myself. It has a whole different feel than the word masturbation. Masturbation sounds like something furtive and dirty, something you do as quickly as possible so you won’t get caught. That’s why a lot of men have trouble with premature ejaculation. As teenagers they trained themselves to come as fast as they could, hiding in the bathroom.”

“Yes, I did that.”

“So now you can train yourself differently. Set it up as a ritual. Light candles, be in front of a mirror. Pleasure yourself while looking into your own eyes. Tell yourself ‘I love you.’ Celebrate yourself.”

“That’s really different than anything I’ve ever done.”

“Yes, I’m sure it is. Does it sound like fun?”

“Yes, it does,” he said, his eyes wandering off in contemplation.

“The Buddha said that you can travel the world over and never find another person more deserving of love than you. This is a way to express that.”



One of the things that I loved about doing sensual massage was that I reached people who would never have come to see me if I had called it “spiritual” or “healing”. Yet often they were the ones most in need of healing. The promise of an exotic sexual experience lured them in, and once they were there, they often received much more than just a hand job. Like with this man, I used the opening that happened with orgasm as a way in, to plant seeds of self-loving, heart-healing, and a glimpse of a broader reality.

(This is an excerpt from my book, Tales of a Sacred Prostitute.)

Inanna's Embrace

Sometimes our job as Qadishti is to witness, to validate, to affirm another's sacred sexual experience. Xavier, a Qadishtu Blog reader, sent me the following description of just such an experience he had recently, and gave me permission to post here...so we might all bear witness to the power of Inanna, Goddess of Sacred Prostitutes...

Thought I'd share with you an experience I had yesterday. I was sitting in a pew at the liberal and welcoming church I attend, and the minister led us into a "pastoral prayer" that involved his speaking and then a moment for meditation. As he started speaking, I closed my eyes and relaxed. I invited Inanna to hear this prayer being spoken and to "come unto me." Within just a moment, I felt Her presence behind me. I could picture Her there, her robes white and hanging perfectly from Her shoulders. The gown, however, was open and the garment exposed Her breasts, between which my head was cradled. She reached around and placed Her hands gently on my forehead, massaging my brow. It was just exquisite. Such peace.

My shoulders loosened and relaxed as She embraced me. Her hands then moved down, over my shoulders, across my chest, and I shivered as my body reacted to Her loving touch. Then, without a word, I felt Her push through me and She began to place Her Holy Presence inside of me. That is, She moved forward through the pew and sat down inside me. She moved Her arms to mimic where mine were; She nestled Her long legs to conform with mine and She seemed to be amused as Her feet slipped into my shoes. For a moment there, W/we were together in the same space. I felt Her breasts on my chest, I felt the warmth of Her vulva as it meshed with my stiffening cock. There was a flash of pleasure, intense and gratifying, in my head and then she kind of melted into every cell and was gone. The minister said, "Blessed be," and I opened my eyes, astonished at what had just happened. I stood, then, and a bit wobbly, sang with the rest of the church these words that seemed to fit the experience so well (and made me wonder how they had been chosen):

Return again, return again, return to the home of your soul

Return again, return again, return to the home of your soul

Return to who you are. Return to what you are. Return to where you are. Born and reborn again.

Xavier