Why people seek Qadishti

Over the years the Temple of Terra Incognita (TI) has been approached by all sorts of people. The healthy, wealthly, middle class, poor, male, female, gender fluid, kinky, poly, swinging, celibate, skilled, neophytic, spiritually exploring and broken/disconnected.

Most seekers can't articulate what they are looking for or why they are interested in our services. They often are attracted simply because we are not about any one thing. Results-oriented Chaos Magick and Flow is very important to TI. Being open to whatever happens.

My wife Amanda wrote a post here on 10/3/08 about a married couple (Vi and Leo) we took to a local BDSM playspace. While she and Vi interacted with a submissive stranger, Leo watched from the sidelines, wishing he was the one tied down and being done. Yet something was stopping him. We explored this a month later in the privacy of Elmslie Manor's Temple space.

This couple had come to us wanting to expand their sexual horizon's and their married relationship. Yet there is almost always a hidden agenda. Fortunately, in this case it wasn't marital boredom, infidelity or lies. Vi was already sexually expansive ... Leo however was consumed by fear. We negotiated a BDSM-ish session on the Temple altar were Leo would be done by Amanda and Vi with my creative input.

Everything emotionally imploded with the blindfold and bondage scenario I concocted. Leo confessed that he had been anally gang raped as a teen and his desire for a submissive scene involving a power exchange was being thwarted by the painful memories. I knew he needed to feel safe, loved and realize he had control. We took off the blindfold and restraints and told Leo to relax. This is your fantasy, what do you want?

He told us his fantasy and we did it very carefully, always checking in to see how Leo felt. It wasn't long before blindfolds and bondage were no big deal for him and Vi was able to enjoy her husband without Qadishtu help.

David

Scarlet Sanctuary and the abdl

I have many stories from the evening at Winter Wickedness and our time in the Scarlet Sanctuary, but the one that stands out for me is my session with the 'adult baby diaper lover'. I knew this was going to happen, as they had emailed me before hand to see if I'd be able to do it.

When I first received the email, my first reaction was that I wouldn't be able to do it. With my triggers, it was asking for trouble. Dan said he'd take care of writing them back to gently let them know that I wouldn't be able to do such a session. But, we both sat there and thought about it and I told him that it felt like I was supposed to do this. He said he had the same feeling. So, I looked within myself and decided to give it a try. I've been through a lot of work and healing over the last years and this would be a way that I could help someone else.

We talked more with the couple over the following weeks and I told them what my triggers were. But, that since he was a male, I was going to give it a try. They were very appreciative.

Saturday night rolls around and it's time for the session of sacred touch. I went to the altar and called on my Priestess side and then went out to greet them.

We put 2 tables together so that we could work on both members of the couple at the same time. Feeling the energy of the abdl, I could see that he needed to have her close by. He was in child mode. He called me 'Miss Dawn', like an obedient child and I proceeded to undress him. He helped out in the manner that a child would. We set his teddy bear off to the side in a safe place and I proceeded to walk him to the table. I had someone else helping me at the time with the girl, undressing her and such, so that I wouldn't have to leave the guy alone while dealing with the gal. He was in such a space that it wouldn't have been good for me to leave him alone during any point of this. He was very vulnerable and I considered him very brave to be doing this at all. That is what kept going through my head...how brave he was. Though it was a kinky event that we were at, abdl's still get looked at funny. But, there really isnt' any other place for them to go and let that side of themselves out.

Well, I got him on the table after he whispered to me asking if I was going to be ok with him wearing a diaper. Oddly enough, I was perfectly fine with it. I thought it would be a shame for him to have to take it off just to make me feel better. My heart was telling me that he needed to be embraced completely while in this mode. He needed to be accepted and loved. It was no different than the trans persons that had come in through the night. It was someone that needed loving touch, while in their alternate persona. And that's what I gave him. I opened my heart and gave him love. His energy was so warm and gentle. Hers was caring and loving for him.

After about 20 - 25 minutes, me and my helper were both finished. We helped the couple up and helped them get re-dressed. Both of them had huge smiles on their faces.

When done with the session, I went to the statue and gave it all the icky stuff that I had pulled from his belly. More energy to be used later.

I thanked the Goddess for allowing me to experience such a moment.

They told me later that it had been more than what they had imagined. All through the night if they saw me taking a break out in the hall, they would stop me and say how much they had appreciated the experience.

No triggers for me. I was actually able to channel pretty well and got some messages from the Goddess. I'm still processing those.

It was a beautiful, loving experience.

--- dawn

Qadishti Eyes

“Every closed eye is not sleeping, and every open eye is not seeing.” Bill Cosby

I usually try to watch where I am walking (yes, Grace is a nickname) but as I stand at an elevator waiting for the crowds to part, I begin to notice that I was the only person in site wearing a skirt, camisole and jacket in earth tones. To my left were suits in gray, black and navy. To my right were suits in navy, black and gray. I steal a quick glance over my shoulder and see a whole sea of blacks, navies and grays. I turn completely around and begin squinting my eyes, as if I am looking for someone, and as I squint, the sea of black, navy and gray blur into a vastness of muted dark with only miniscule specks of a lighter flesh color for faces.

Ughh! I need to see sunlight and the cerulean blue sky. Quickly.

The elevator dings its arrival and I turn and wait until the passengers exit before entering the cube myself. A smooth ride to the lobby and I am able to escape out the side door. Soon I am squinting for another reason even as I smile into the sunshine.

I share my smile with the other people around me. Another cluster of business suits all still pushing buttons on their blackberries, or gazing off into the parking lot with blank stares. A fascinating study of humans and how they can so disassociate with the living around them. I admit that it is easier to exclude yourself from intimacy especially when in public. But this is opposite to all the teachings that I learn in walking the Path of the Qadishti. As a Qadishti, I seek to make a connection with the stranger next to me just as much as I make a connection with any seeker.

My eyes drift shut as I think about how important my eyes are to my work. My eyes are the first link to seeing inside someone’s soul. My eyes are the windows to my heart, just as your eyes are the windows to your heart.

Previously on this very Blog, some of my colleagues have talked about the importance of eyes. We try to elucidate the significance of opening our eyes to truly see who is in front of us every waking moment. It is a labor of our love for this path in helping others open themselves as humans, as individuals, and as sexual beings. Our job is to help our seekers connect all the parts. This connection is our Qadishti labor of love.

Qadishtu Lovin' on Freya's Day

Friday the 13th of February, 2009 – This is Freya’s sacred day of love and sexuality. I think it’s so magical that we have a Friday the 13th just before Valentine’s Day this year. On this sacred day, I celebrate my relationship with a Qadishtu ritual. Sometimes, Qadishti need some Qadishtu lovin’, too, and so I will be Qadishtu for my beloved, my Qadishtu partner and mentor, as he will be for me.

I am his Priestess. I welcome him into my sacred chamber and smudge him with the pungent, sensuous smoke of Sandalwood incense. I waft the smoke around his head, down the front of his body, across his arms, and then up the back of his body. As I finish, he turns back around and takes the incense from me, and smudges me in the same way. He is my Priest. The smoke purifies the space, cleanses our auras, and carries our prayers to the Divine.

I serve him tea from a clear teapot in which we can watch the blossoming of a flower tea ball, blessing us with its beauty and scent. We sip quietly, savoring the taste and warmth of the tea, and gaze into one another’s eyes, allowing our energies to gradually entwine and our bodily rhythms to match. We appreciate each other and convey our love to one another through this eye-gazing exercise.

As if on cue, we both set down our cups and stand. Still maintaining intimate eye contact, we slowly strip for one another, gradually revealing ourselves to the other, on multiple levels simultaneously. Our clothes fall to the ground in a roughly circular pattern, of their own accord creating our sacred circle. We then call the quarters:

I am his Goddess.

“With my breath,” I start, stepping into the circle of his arms and putting my mouth to his. I continue, “I bring you Air.” We begin the circular Breath of Fire, slowly increasing our speed, until our bodies begin to hum.

He is my God.

“With my passion,” he says, stepping in closer and gripping my hair at the base of my neck in just the way he knows that I like. “I bring you Fire,” he continues, and then plunges his tongue into my mouth, and I revel in the feel of our tongues dancing.

We are the Sacred Pair.

“With my juices,” I purr, staring deep into his eyes. I reach between my legs and coat my fingers, and finish: “I bring you Water.” I bring my moistened fingers up to his mouth and gently trace his lips. His tongue darts out to lap at my fingertips.

We are Divine.

“With my wood,” he growls, reaching down and gripping his fully erect lingam. He backs me into the edge of the bed, until I sit and then lay back, lifting and separating my legs in invitation. “I bring you Earth!” And I cry out as he enters me to the hilt in one smooth motion.

We are One.

We dance the intimate, sacred dance of the Goddess, reveling in the feel of each other’s skin, delighting in the sounds of joy and pleasure escaping each other’s throats, and pouring all of our love into this moment, wringing all the pleasure we possibly can from this sacred Gift. At the peak of my orgasm, I send a silent prayer to Freya, thanking her for bringing this man into my life, who has healed me, mentored me, partnered with me, loved me. It is through his love that I have blossomed into the Qadishtu priestess that I am, and I dedicate this to him.

Happy Valentine’s Day / Freya’s Day / Lovers’ Day. Happy Relationships Day – regardless of your partner status – this is a holiday to celebrate ALL your intimate relationships – including with yourself and with the Divine. May all the Goddess’ gifts of joy and pleasure and bliss be yours in abundance.

Lovingly,
Inara

50 people

Over this past weekend, a group of us ran a Scarlet Sanctuary at an event in Ohio. During the 6 hour period we ran, we administered sacred touch to 50 people.

To say we were tired after it was over is an understatement.

It was really something to see so many people come through, with such interest, and need.

One person wept while another had an energetic orgasm. And we, as facilitators, did not 'cause' either of this reactions, but instead simply...assisted people to become vulnerable to sexuality, to intimacy, to whatever it is they needed to be.

I recall having one woman I was working on go from nervous, to relaxed, to meditative, and then to energized and erotically awake. It was an amazing transformation for her, and for me, to be part of that journey.

Qadishti moment

Sometimes we have people that come to us for Qadishti work, and sometimes we have ‘Qadishti moments’. Moments where we become Qadishti with the person we are with, though that wasn’t the intention to begin with.

These ‘moments’ seem to happen to me when I’m with someone new. My walls drop and I become vulnerable, soft, loving. I embrace the Divine within me and share that with the person I’m with.

One person that comes to mine is R. My husband and I decided that we wanted to find a guy for me to play with. We do odd things like this sometimes, so that we can attempt to grow into the people we want to be. Well, R came to the house and Dan let him know the rules and boundaries that we wanted to stick to. R was ok with them all.

I know he had to be nervous. He was an overweight guy and said that he was too shy to try and find dates the normal way, so he decided to answer our ad. I could feel my heart swelling. I wanted this to be an experience that he wouldn’t forget. I wanted him to feel loved and cherished.

Dan left the room but wasn’t far away. I held R’s hands and looked him in the eye. I cherished him with my look and my energy. Then, I kissed him. I fell into the kiss and blocked everything else out. It was about him and me. Once he started breathing heavy, I leaned back and slowly started to strip. I looked him in the eye, whenever he glanced up at my face. He saw that I was turned on by stripping for him. He allowed himself to reach out to touch me and felt me melt under his hand.

He moaned and pulled me toward him, kissing me more. Slowly, I undressed him. I touched him and moaned into his lips.

Soft, gentle, loving. He was lapping up everything I gave him. He was starved for loving touch.

He knew that intercourse wasn’t going to be part of the ‘scene’, but he was ok with that. I lovingly made love to his cock with my lips. He was flying high when I was done.

I felt like I was glowing with light and love for this person and he could see it and feel it.

When it was time for him to leave, he was shaking my husbands hand and giving him heartfelt thanks. All of us were smiling and hugging.

As it turned out, I was not to see R again in this capacity. He wrote my husband and I and said that he was afraid that he was falling in love with me, and that wasn’t the route he wanted to take with his life.

It was a couple of weeks later when we saw him again at a local dance for large men and women. He came up to us and thanked us. Being with me had brought him out of his shell enough for him to come out and try the dance. He was having a great time. I couldn’t ask for anything more from a Qadishti moment.

Mom or Qadishti?

Qadishtu is something that I do for others to help them with their lives, to help them with their pain, to help them with their self-image, and to help them with their sexuality. I help seekers: any kind and all kinds of seekers. I help individuals and couples and groups who come to me, or to my co-priest(ess) and myself, wanting help. I help acquaintances or friends or strangers. Sometimes I help dear friends and loved ones.

But something changed the other night. That night I was wearing my ‘Mom’ hat. I was helping my kids with homework and fixing dinner – doing the normal home/Mom stuff. Things were going smoothly all night long. About 10:PM my son says goodnight and heads up for bed. I was sitting at my computer enjoying the unusual quiet and getting some work done.

I hear a whimper and my head jerks up and around. My daughter was standing in the doorway. It was clear that she had cried as her was face wet from tears. I noticed that she was trembling. So I practically dropped my laptop down to the ground and asked her what was wrong.

She moved much faster than I thought possible. She fell into my lap and curled into me as she broke out in full sobs. Since I had been in Mom mode, I continued to quiz her. I asked, ‘what happened?’ I asked, ‘had she heard a strange noise?’ I asked, ‘ had she seen something strange on the computer’? Each question she answered with a shrug. Since I had no idea what she had been doing before she came rushing into see me, I had no idea what direction my questions should follow.

I remember feeling so helpless: I mean what kind of Mom was I when I was unable to get the to speak to anything? I was unable to comfort her. At that point, I just rocked her while I racked my thoughts as to what had possibly caused this melt down.

Then I realized that I had been slowly stroking her from her shoulder, down her arm and across her hip and leg until I was no longer able to reach. It dawned on me that when I reached the end of her leg; my hand would automatically brush off the negativity.

‘Duh!’ I had to remind myself that while I am Mom first, I was also a priestess of Qadishtu. At this point all I needed to change was the ‘hat’ that I wore from the ‘Mom hat’ to my ‘Qadishtu hat’. I realized that my hands and my soul had been telling me what my mind had not heard: different tools were needed. It struck me that my ‘Mom hat’ was getting in the way of my helping my daughter.

So I then took several deep, cleansing breathes. I re-focused my mind. I opened my soul and began pulling out the pain. The wailing strengthened. I hesitated and pulled back. She calmed down a bit. I started pulling pain again and the wailing worsened again. Again I hesitated. Again she calmed. I decided then to just push on again and so I did. After another 10 minutes of wailing her breathing had begun to fluctuate. I continued to pull out the pain. After 20 minutes, she started to blow her nose quietly, but she was still curled in my lap. It became time to heal. I began to push in warmth.

After some time, she sat up and pushed off my lap. I waited to see what she would do next. I watched as she gave herself a whole body shake and rolled her neck as if to shake out the rest of the hurt.

I sat and studied her. I was tempted to say or ask something. Anything. But I let her be alone in her head and pull herself together. It was probably only 5 minutes even though it felt longer in Mom years. Suddenly she turned and began to walk into the other room without saying a word. Startled, I asked, “So can you tell me what just happened?” She said she ‘just needed me.’ With that she just turned and left the room.

Sometimes it is easier to be a Qadishti priestess than a Mom.

Receiving

Yesterday, my wife and I were joined by our Path of the Qadishti peers to share some teachings on sacred touch as a connection tool to each other.

Sometimes I lead these, but yesterday I was struck by the need to be person receiving.

It is amazing what we accomplish by working together. Our group yesterday created sacred space, a magical space, that allowed each of us to receive or give as needed. I needed to receive, and that need was met.

All without ego, without hierarchy. Although there are styles and teaching, the true depth of this comes from within. Allowing yourself to breath out, relax, drop your shields and receive. Breath out, relax, and allow yourself to give.

Michael Mirdad mentions "The sexual healing process involves learning the difference between healthy (spiritually-centered) and unhealthy (ego-centered) sexual encounters"(1) and this was very apparent and felt yesterday in our small space. We were a group of people who were acting as one to heal all; acting as all to share in the one.





1 - Sacred Sexuality--A Manual for Living Bliss by: Michael Mirdad)

Karuna Blessing #1 - Connecting to the Inner Feminine

Anoint the third eye:
May you truly see
The Goddess’ divine beauty
Within yourself
And in everyone you meet

Anoint the left palm:
May you deeply feel
Her divine love

Anoint the right palm:
May you share that love
With others

Anoint the heart area:
May your heart be free
Of all negativity

Anoint the genital area:
May your genitals be honored
As Her divine instruments

© Inara de Luna, 2008

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Last spring, the Temple of the Red Lotus offered Karuna Sessions at the festivals we attended. Karuna is a Sanskrit word that roughly translates as “compassion.” These sessions were an opportunity for individuals to receive Sacred Touch in a formal, highly ritualized way from trained, compassionate, Qadishtu priests and priestesses. Each person went through the process individually, and received the full attention of all the Temple staff. When they first approached the entrance to the Temple, they were blessed and anointed (see above). They were then led into the Altar room, where they sat before the Altar and had their feet bathed by one of the priests or priestesses. At that time, boundaries and needs were discussed quietly, and then the seeker was led into the Inner Sanctum, where they were introduced to the other two or three priests or priestesses present. The seeker was invited to lie down on the mattress and then they were surrounded. Urged to relax and receive, the Seeker then enjoyed the ministrations of the priests and priestesses, within their stated boundaries. The Goddess often led us to say certain things and move the energy in certain ways, depending on what each individual seeker needed from Her.

Everyone who experienced this left that tent transformed. One young man told his Guide during the foot bathing that he desired to connect with his feminine side. During his session, I encouraged him to breathe into his internal feminine parts, to truly feel his inner Yoni as well as his outer Lingam. I moved the energy through his sacral chakra, until I felt him begin to loosen up. His breathing deepened, his muscles relaxed, and his receptivity widened broadly. He started being able to accept our ministrations without attempting to reciprocate, as he had been in the beginning. The Goddess spoke through me, honoring both his masculine and his inner feminine. By the end of his 15 minutes in our loving, healing, accepting, compassionate circle, he was smiling. I knew then that something had shifted deep within him, but it wasn’t until I saw him the following evening that I truly understood. This man who had been having trouble accessing and connecting to his inner feminine came prancing up to me in a short skirt and halter top. He practically squealed when he saw me and twirled to show off his new purchase! He said that his session so profoundly awakened his connection to his inner feminine that he just had to play with how it felt to dress like a woman. He was so excited and pleased, and grateful to the Temple and those of us who had helped him reach a place of feeling comfortable experimenting with his gender.

safe

Last night, at a "munch" (social gathering before an event), I had a seeker, brand new to any 'alternative' experience come sit with me. We talked, and she shared some issues that brought her out tonight - issues with the boyfriend, sexuality, fear of her own lack of interest. We talked some and we will talk some more later perhaps.

But the hostess came to me and expressed her appriciation that someone could do that with me. "Do what?" I asked. "Come to you, a near stranger, and express her reason for being here, her fears, her self doubts. You give off that sense of safety. That people can share intimate details with you without fear of you (taking advantage of them)".

For me, it is very important to both give off that energy as well as to be that person who can be trusted. For a person to be able to work with a Qadishti and although sacred sexuality can be part of our work together, they are always safe and don't have to worry about sex being anything more than a helpful tool we can share. Never something taken....

Beginning to cultivate this aspect of myself began when I read the below passage....

“A male Tantrist’s attitude toward women is very different from the ordinary male’s. Indeed for the former, all woman embody Shakti and they are not a sex object to be courted for their favors or game to be hunted. Tantric men are neither Casanovas nor Don Juans. Even if she is alone with a male Tantrist, she has nothing to fear; she is totally safe and free to act in any way she pleases.She is respected and will never be bothered or harassed.” (Andre Van Lysebeth, Tantra:The Cult of the Feminine, 1995, p. 84)

Inanna's Embrace

Sometimes our job as Qadishti is to witness, to validate, to affirm another's sacred sexual experience. Xavier, a Qadishtu Blog reader, sent me the following description of just such an experience he had recently, and gave me permission to post here...so we might all bear witness to the power of Inanna, Goddess of Sacred Prostitutes...

Thought I'd share with you an experience I had yesterday. I was sitting in a pew at the liberal and welcoming church I attend, and the minister led us into a "pastoral prayer" that involved his speaking and then a moment for meditation. As he started speaking, I closed my eyes and relaxed. I invited Inanna to hear this prayer being spoken and to "come unto me." Within just a moment, I felt Her presence behind me. I could picture Her there, her robes white and hanging perfectly from Her shoulders. The gown, however, was open and the garment exposed Her breasts, between which my head was cradled. She reached around and placed Her hands gently on my forehead, massaging my brow. It was just exquisite. Such peace.

My shoulders loosened and relaxed as She embraced me. Her hands then moved down, over my shoulders, across my chest, and I shivered as my body reacted to Her loving touch. Then, without a word, I felt Her push through me and She began to place Her Holy Presence inside of me. That is, She moved forward through the pew and sat down inside me. She moved Her arms to mimic where mine were; She nestled Her long legs to conform with mine and She seemed to be amused as Her feet slipped into my shoes. For a moment there, W/we were together in the same space. I felt Her breasts on my chest, I felt the warmth of Her vulva as it meshed with my stiffening cock. There was a flash of pleasure, intense and gratifying, in my head and then she kind of melted into every cell and was gone. The minister said, "Blessed be," and I opened my eyes, astonished at what had just happened. I stood, then, and a bit wobbly, sang with the rest of the church these words that seemed to fit the experience so well (and made me wonder how they had been chosen):

Return again, return again, return to the home of your soul

Return again, return again, return to the home of your soul

Return to who you are. Return to what you are. Return to where you are. Born and reborn again.

Xavier

Kink Magic

I have many experiences that I'd like to share.....but this one is already written up, so it gets posted first. :)

We were asked to write up one of our experiences for a book by Taylor Ellwood, titled Kink Magic.

Here is a copy of that:

We mentored a woman who was dealing with traumatizing memories of her past.
She had repressed them for a long time, and they were starting to come back to
her in her dreams. She had symptoms of Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. She was
tired of the memories emerging at random, and wanted more control over this
process. We had worked with her for a few years, using Sacred Sexuality as one
method to aid in her healing. Feeling comfortable with this work, she came to
us and asked if we would help her use BDSM to dig deeper. We agreed, and
planned a ritual involving BDSM, ritual and Reiki.

We prepared her for the ritual by hugging her and undressing her, and then we
strapped her to a frame. Next, we took deep breaths, focused on her healing,
and invoked the directions (quarters) and the God and Goddess to watch over
the ritual. We worked on connecting to her energetically, pulling in Reiki to
help strengthen the connection and help us achieve the highest good with this
process. We then proceeded to flog her. We took turns flogging her, telling
her it was okay to drop her walls. We asked her to trust the Goddess to give
her the memories she was ready for. We told her it was okay to have walled
them up for survival of the trauma, but that she was now in a safe place with
a support network and it was okay to remember so that she could lay the
memories to rest. Between flogging sessions, we stroked her skin, giving her
more Reiki and whispering to her that it was okay to remember.

Her walls finally dropped and she became a crying mess. We took her down from
the frame so that her body could relax and she could lose herself in the
crying. We draped her over a footstool, made sure she was comfortable, and
paddled her. She cried and cried, releasing mental toxins from her system.
After a short time reassuring her that we were okay with her crying, and that
we cared enough to make her comfortable, we proceeded with the ritual. In her
case, crying was good. We finished by helping her rise from the spanking
position, wrapping her in a blanket, and releasing the directions.

Then, the three of us cuddled on the couch while she cried on our shoulders.
We gave her major aftercare, including Reiki sessions. The aftercare lasted a
couple of days while she processed the memories with her therapist. (Dan &
Dawn, Sacred Sexuality & BDSM Presenters – Personal Communication 1-9-2007)