Star power

A few weeks back, we set up our Scarlet Sanctuary at an event and opened the door. The idea of the Scarlet Sanctuary, the way we do it, is simple - we provide loving, compassionate, non threatening sensual touch to anyone that wants to experience it. Everyone, regardless of race or age or size or style, is greeted with Qadishti Eyes of acceptance and that Heinlein sense of "Thou Art God/dess". They are brought inside and intimately led to receive.

(Receiving, we discovered, is very hard for some people. For lots of people. Just to lay there and allow yourself to just be, just receive erotic touch, and not feel like you are supposed to do anything).

As it happened, "Everyone, regardless of..." was tested for me personally at this event, as I found myself working on a 'Star'. Now, I do not mean TV Star or a Hollywood Star (although she may be in movies). But in this case, she is a star of the erotic circles. Would you have heard of her? Well, if you run in my circles, then yes, but the fact that I knew who she was, and she was one of the first people I ever saw lecture, was threatening to throw me off balance. Both my own sense of awe at working with her and my own ego (look who I am working on) were observed as possibly causing this to be less than sacred.

Until we got started. Once we got started, it was no longer about her as The Star, nor was it about Me the Qadesh Working with the Star, it was just two people. It just a receiver and a giver. She simply was another human, another person, full of sensual love. I was just a giver, allowing my ego to sleep while I ministered to another of the beutiful beings that inhabit the world.

Beyond that, her response and mine, become a matter like many other sessions, but one too private feeling to post here.

The important thing I took away from this experience is not that everyone is just another person. But instead, something that I was told at the very first sacred sexuality event I ever went to was brought to mind - "Everyone is a star"

The Lady of the Dark Fire

I saw a client yesterday who was in crisis. She had been fighting with her boyfriend, and her neck was hurting badly. As I laid my hands upon her neck, I told her that it was all right to cry. Soon she was sobbing loudly.

She moved around the floor into different positions, crying and then screaming. She remembered being molested at age seven, in the dark. I stayed with her, following her energy.

Then she sat up. Her body softened, and she started saying “OK” over and over. I asked her permission, then held her yoni with one hand. My other hand touched her spine lightly as she rocked her body. I didn’t know exactly what was happening, but I knew that it was important.

She got to a place where she could talk again, and told me what had happened. A goddess had spoken to her, one who is of the dark fire. The goddess told her that it was time to dedicate her life to the dark fire, that she could make no more plans of her own. It was time to serve the dark fire. My client surrendered to this, and was at peace with it, even though she didn’t know what it meant.

Today she called me and told me that the session yesterday had changed her life. She was more relaxed at work than she had ever been. She is willing and even excited to do this service.

It is such a privilege to be a midwife for such an opening. I am honored to do this work.

D the Music Man

Do you remember when you were a kid and you got all excited on Easter morning looking in your Easter basket for all of those goodies? Ahh, there it is. That grand prize of a foil wrapped confection. You would close your eyes and reverently embrace that rabbit in both hands and slowly unwrap the foil, careful not to break the fine covering. Mmmmm. Chocolate. Ok, enough of this torture. You would quickly go to nibble on the ears. Crush. Crumbles would fall into your lap at that same moment that you realized that the bunny was hollow. Sigh.
My memories of the hollow Easter chocolate bunny became my frame of reference for a man called D.
I met D thru on a BDSM website. I had been replying to a thread on Sacred Healing and Sacred Trust and he contacted me with further questions. From there we chatted numerous times. D was a student at a local university and so after several months we met for coffee.
D was from a strict Jewish family and his upbringing was crammed with numerous protocols stymieing his sexual exploration. He spoke of a fear of being in close proximity to any human, especially in an intimate setting. He wanted to work with me, in particular, because I had agreed to his decree for no sexual intercourse. D was saving that intimacy for marriage. D wanted to overcome some of his biases, but still he wanted to learn to be a ‘stud lover’ as he termed as this was his interpretation of a 'perfect man'. He wasn’t sure what he needed, just felt that his awkward advances would be a deterrent to a potential mate.
D doubted that there was much I could help him with, while I felt that we had plenty of material on which to work. We started with simple breathing and non-sexual touch. We did sensual, not sexual, touch. We worked on concentration and meditation. I did healing touch work on him. I felt that I was making the tiniest dent in his armor and strived to work harder. Suddenly, he got frustrated and said that I had wasted his time and asked me to leave.
I was angry with myself for not reading his needs correctly. I castigated myself and conferred with some friends. Then D called me and groveled. So we met again. He brought me flowers and explained his confusion. So we started over.
Until D got panicky, that is and I left once more.
I tried multiple times to include a cohort or to refer him to another priestess. D was always insistent that he had made progress with me as his guide.
When we began, D was working on his Master’s degree in Music Methodology. Over the years, he has studied abroad twice, finished his Masters, and now, has almost finished his PhD.
I have worked with D intermittently over this period. Even when he was out of the country, we would communicate by Internet. But, each time that I felt I was making some small, miniscule, almost-to-be-hoped-for progress, D would retreat. I vowed to not work with him again. Yet, D would return pleading, sometimes even with the sound of music, for my help.
That man could sure make some beautiful music. That man had a smile that made your toes tingle. That man seemed to be one to ‘take home to Mama’.
That man was just as empty as my chocolate Easter bunny when it came to being cozy and intimate and comfortable in his own skin and just as yummy on the inside as the outside.
Have I helped D at all?

Have I given him any tools to guide him with intimacy?
I don’t rightly know at this point. D is not speaking with me again.

Making Love To Yourself

He was a tow truck driver, sloppy fat with greasy hair and black under his fingernails. His shirttail hung out on one side, and his khaki pants were baggy.

Gulping inwardly, I welcomed him in. Remembering my ethic of finding something lovable about each person, I softened as I gazed at him.

“How may I serve you?”

“I’ve heard that tantra will help me slow down. I could use that.”

“Yes, I can teach you a way to breathe that will help you with that.”

I began to explain the mechanics of drawing energy up the spine away from the pelvis. I asked him to tell me when he needed to slow down, so I could help him redistribute the energy.

Once he was familiar with the process of delay, I encouraged him to just lie back and enjoy the touch. Caressing him lightly on his legs and thighs stimulated an erection almost immediately. I stroked around his lingam, not touching it, and moved up his belly and chest with my hands. After a few minutes of teasing him, I took his penis in my hands and held it gently.

“Remember, tell me when you want to slow down.”

“All right. It feels really good.”

I poured some lubricant into my hands and enjoyed the slippery feel as my hands slid all over his lingam. Suddenly his body tensed and his eyes grew wide.

“Whoa! Slow down!” Instantly I stopped, but it was too late. His cock twitched and semen began to flow.

“Just let go and enjoy,” I encouraged. “Don’t try to stop it now.” I knew that if he did, he would still have the ejaculation, but no orgasm or pleasure.

As his orgasm subsided, I glanced at the clock. It had been five minutes since I had begun touching him. “Wow, he really does need some help,” I thought to myself. “I had no idea how trigger-happy he was.”

“This is just part of the learning process,” I told him once he was able to hear me again. “You have to learn your body to be able to do this technique. That’s the tricky part. It takes practice. The more you practice, the more you will begin to know when you are getting close, and you can slow down sooner. Practice makes perfect!”

“Should I come to see you again?” he asked.

“Yes, I’d be happy to help you practice,” I answered. “And you can also practice with yourself. Make love to yourself, and practice delaying. You’ll learn a lot.”

“Make love to myself? You mean masturbate?”

“Yes, I like to call it making love to myself. It has a whole different feel than the word masturbation. Masturbation sounds like something furtive and dirty, something you do as quickly as possible so you won’t get caught. That’s why a lot of men have trouble with premature ejaculation. As teenagers they trained themselves to come as fast as they could, hiding in the bathroom.”

“Yes, I did that.”

“So now you can train yourself differently. Set it up as a ritual. Light candles, be in front of a mirror. Pleasure yourself while looking into your own eyes. Tell yourself ‘I love you.’ Celebrate yourself.”

“That’s really different than anything I’ve ever done.”

“Yes, I’m sure it is. Does it sound like fun?”

“Yes, it does,” he said, his eyes wandering off in contemplation.

“The Buddha said that you can travel the world over and never find another person more deserving of love than you. This is a way to express that.”



One of the things that I loved about doing sensual massage was that I reached people who would never have come to see me if I had called it “spiritual” or “healing”. Yet often they were the ones most in need of healing. The promise of an exotic sexual experience lured them in, and once they were there, they often received much more than just a hand job. Like with this man, I used the opening that happened with orgasm as a way in, to plant seeds of self-loving, heart-healing, and a glimpse of a broader reality.

(This is an excerpt from my book, Tales of a Sacred Prostitute.)

Unplanned Qadishtu Inspired Moments

One aspect of my Qadishtu path involves energy of a most special kind, the creation of rituals. My friends lovingly call me The Ritual Whore. Not only do I love to plan them, I love to attend and feel the energy of being in circle. I love creating rituals for my community. They are usually your Witchy, Pagan type rituals. As a Sacred Sexuality Priestess, I really enjoy the possibility of working with couples or an individual through sharing circle space in the most intimate way. Our work focuses on the union between the participants, deepening the soul, creating a link with the divine within, and establishing the connection from the Shadow to the inner self/being, exploring ceremonial magic and so much more.

Here is an experience I would like to share…

She was beautiful like a midsummer’s fae fluttering about The House of Pleasure and Pain. Let’s call her Fae. I was amazed that she and I knew some of the same people. We were attending a ceremony of a mutual friend. The ceremony joined the Master and Sub wedded bliss. The reception turned from Cakes and refreshments to “Hey, since we are here”. The Mistress of the house said “Sure”! It was a small trusted gathering of friends and each was prepared with their play bags. The Beautiful Fae caught the eye of one of our Pan-Pan men. I watched his attraction grow and swell through out the night as he found the opportunity to find ways to chat with her. I began to see visions of a late night tryst that was sure to happen. Pan whispered in my ear… My God, she is beautiful. I replied, I know! We all flirted shamelessly. Fae approached me with her beguiling eyes and her fluttery beauty. She kissed my face and hugged me a lot throughout our time at the house. I looked at our character Pan who was visibly panting for her totally kept his desire in check. He began his own negotiation with her and offered to tie her up so that she can feel the rope. She expressed certain boundaries to myself and Pan so immediately I offered advice on how to approach any fears she had. I negotiated with the Handsome J so that we could do a little rope work. Pan and I worked in tandem on our two victims I mean bottoms. It was a lovely psychic trip…the headspace was exactly what we all needed. After cooling down with J, I was able to talk to our little Fae. She was sitting there watching me in her corset rope, her flesh colored bra and rosy flushed cheeks. She said that she had much to learn from me and I was surprised at her open wide childlike eyes pleading with me to teach. I told her that I am available. As the night began to wind down at the house, Fae, Pan and I decided to go somewhere else. The energy of the night did not wane. Fae and Pan rode together and they obviously cooked up a plan!

I led them to a beautiful home with a balcony. Upon that balcony, the dance of ritual began to take shape. We sat upon the floorboards, looked out upon the city, and talked about our experiences. They shared an interest in knowing what I do as a Priestess. I looked them into their eyes because I knew this moment would come and I told them about my passion. The journey of exploring sensuality, pleasures through ritualistic acts. I told them that these rituals can be used for a variety of things and if they would like to share an experience, all they had to do was ask. I paused looking at them as they looked at each other…. they immediately said right now? I said sure. The Fae after answering was a bit nervous about what was to be expected of her. The three of us began to cuddle upon a blanket that was conveniently in Pan’s truck. Fae leaned up to me as I cradled her within my bosom, to ground out her fears of the unknown. Pan looked very sincere and lay down upon her belly and we shared a quiet moment. Then we discussed and agreed upon several aspects of the ritual. They were very eager to embark upon the journey. With a candle, a blanket, and our bodies, we discovered sensuality, pleasures, and connections of the most intimate. We spoke words of meaning and reflection. They both stretched their abilities and reached a depth of communication beyond words.

In this blog, I have purposefully left out the mechanics of the ritual because I don’t think it is necessarily important..for the event.. I wanted to focus upon a wonderful moment that was created in a safe environment between those who took time to explore a different side of life. It was indeed a great experience for all involved.

May the Blessings of the Goddess Inanna be with you always.

Namaste',

Gryn

Scarlet Sanctuary and the abdl

I have many stories from the evening at Winter Wickedness and our time in the Scarlet Sanctuary, but the one that stands out for me is my session with the 'adult baby diaper lover'. I knew this was going to happen, as they had emailed me before hand to see if I'd be able to do it.

When I first received the email, my first reaction was that I wouldn't be able to do it. With my triggers, it was asking for trouble. Dan said he'd take care of writing them back to gently let them know that I wouldn't be able to do such a session. But, we both sat there and thought about it and I told him that it felt like I was supposed to do this. He said he had the same feeling. So, I looked within myself and decided to give it a try. I've been through a lot of work and healing over the last years and this would be a way that I could help someone else.

We talked more with the couple over the following weeks and I told them what my triggers were. But, that since he was a male, I was going to give it a try. They were very appreciative.

Saturday night rolls around and it's time for the session of sacred touch. I went to the altar and called on my Priestess side and then went out to greet them.

We put 2 tables together so that we could work on both members of the couple at the same time. Feeling the energy of the abdl, I could see that he needed to have her close by. He was in child mode. He called me 'Miss Dawn', like an obedient child and I proceeded to undress him. He helped out in the manner that a child would. We set his teddy bear off to the side in a safe place and I proceeded to walk him to the table. I had someone else helping me at the time with the girl, undressing her and such, so that I wouldn't have to leave the guy alone while dealing with the gal. He was in such a space that it wouldn't have been good for me to leave him alone during any point of this. He was very vulnerable and I considered him very brave to be doing this at all. That is what kept going through my head...how brave he was. Though it was a kinky event that we were at, abdl's still get looked at funny. But, there really isnt' any other place for them to go and let that side of themselves out.

Well, I got him on the table after he whispered to me asking if I was going to be ok with him wearing a diaper. Oddly enough, I was perfectly fine with it. I thought it would be a shame for him to have to take it off just to make me feel better. My heart was telling me that he needed to be embraced completely while in this mode. He needed to be accepted and loved. It was no different than the trans persons that had come in through the night. It was someone that needed loving touch, while in their alternate persona. And that's what I gave him. I opened my heart and gave him love. His energy was so warm and gentle. Hers was caring and loving for him.

After about 20 - 25 minutes, me and my helper were both finished. We helped the couple up and helped them get re-dressed. Both of them had huge smiles on their faces.

When done with the session, I went to the statue and gave it all the icky stuff that I had pulled from his belly. More energy to be used later.

I thanked the Goddess for allowing me to experience such a moment.

They told me later that it had been more than what they had imagined. All through the night if they saw me taking a break out in the hall, they would stop me and say how much they had appreciated the experience.

No triggers for me. I was actually able to channel pretty well and got some messages from the Goddess. I'm still processing those.

It was a beautiful, loving experience.

--- dawn

50 people

Over this past weekend, a group of us ran a Scarlet Sanctuary at an event in Ohio. During the 6 hour period we ran, we administered sacred touch to 50 people.

To say we were tired after it was over is an understatement.

It was really something to see so many people come through, with such interest, and need.

One person wept while another had an energetic orgasm. And we, as facilitators, did not 'cause' either of this reactions, but instead simply...assisted people to become vulnerable to sexuality, to intimacy, to whatever it is they needed to be.

I recall having one woman I was working on go from nervous, to relaxed, to meditative, and then to energized and erotically awake. It was an amazing transformation for her, and for me, to be part of that journey.

Qadishti moment

Sometimes we have people that come to us for Qadishti work, and sometimes we have ‘Qadishti moments’. Moments where we become Qadishti with the person we are with, though that wasn’t the intention to begin with.

These ‘moments’ seem to happen to me when I’m with someone new. My walls drop and I become vulnerable, soft, loving. I embrace the Divine within me and share that with the person I’m with.

One person that comes to mine is R. My husband and I decided that we wanted to find a guy for me to play with. We do odd things like this sometimes, so that we can attempt to grow into the people we want to be. Well, R came to the house and Dan let him know the rules and boundaries that we wanted to stick to. R was ok with them all.

I know he had to be nervous. He was an overweight guy and said that he was too shy to try and find dates the normal way, so he decided to answer our ad. I could feel my heart swelling. I wanted this to be an experience that he wouldn’t forget. I wanted him to feel loved and cherished.

Dan left the room but wasn’t far away. I held R’s hands and looked him in the eye. I cherished him with my look and my energy. Then, I kissed him. I fell into the kiss and blocked everything else out. It was about him and me. Once he started breathing heavy, I leaned back and slowly started to strip. I looked him in the eye, whenever he glanced up at my face. He saw that I was turned on by stripping for him. He allowed himself to reach out to touch me and felt me melt under his hand.

He moaned and pulled me toward him, kissing me more. Slowly, I undressed him. I touched him and moaned into his lips.

Soft, gentle, loving. He was lapping up everything I gave him. He was starved for loving touch.

He knew that intercourse wasn’t going to be part of the ‘scene’, but he was ok with that. I lovingly made love to his cock with my lips. He was flying high when I was done.

I felt like I was glowing with light and love for this person and he could see it and feel it.

When it was time for him to leave, he was shaking my husbands hand and giving him heartfelt thanks. All of us were smiling and hugging.

As it turned out, I was not to see R again in this capacity. He wrote my husband and I and said that he was afraid that he was falling in love with me, and that wasn’t the route he wanted to take with his life.

It was a couple of weeks later when we saw him again at a local dance for large men and women. He came up to us and thanked us. Being with me had brought him out of his shell enough for him to come out and try the dance. He was having a great time. I couldn’t ask for anything more from a Qadishti moment.

Mom or Qadishti?

Qadishtu is something that I do for others to help them with their lives, to help them with their pain, to help them with their self-image, and to help them with their sexuality. I help seekers: any kind and all kinds of seekers. I help individuals and couples and groups who come to me, or to my co-priest(ess) and myself, wanting help. I help acquaintances or friends or strangers. Sometimes I help dear friends and loved ones.

But something changed the other night. That night I was wearing my ‘Mom’ hat. I was helping my kids with homework and fixing dinner – doing the normal home/Mom stuff. Things were going smoothly all night long. About 10:PM my son says goodnight and heads up for bed. I was sitting at my computer enjoying the unusual quiet and getting some work done.

I hear a whimper and my head jerks up and around. My daughter was standing in the doorway. It was clear that she had cried as her was face wet from tears. I noticed that she was trembling. So I practically dropped my laptop down to the ground and asked her what was wrong.

She moved much faster than I thought possible. She fell into my lap and curled into me as she broke out in full sobs. Since I had been in Mom mode, I continued to quiz her. I asked, ‘what happened?’ I asked, ‘had she heard a strange noise?’ I asked, ‘ had she seen something strange on the computer’? Each question she answered with a shrug. Since I had no idea what she had been doing before she came rushing into see me, I had no idea what direction my questions should follow.

I remember feeling so helpless: I mean what kind of Mom was I when I was unable to get the to speak to anything? I was unable to comfort her. At that point, I just rocked her while I racked my thoughts as to what had possibly caused this melt down.

Then I realized that I had been slowly stroking her from her shoulder, down her arm and across her hip and leg until I was no longer able to reach. It dawned on me that when I reached the end of her leg; my hand would automatically brush off the negativity.

‘Duh!’ I had to remind myself that while I am Mom first, I was also a priestess of Qadishtu. At this point all I needed to change was the ‘hat’ that I wore from the ‘Mom hat’ to my ‘Qadishtu hat’. I realized that my hands and my soul had been telling me what my mind had not heard: different tools were needed. It struck me that my ‘Mom hat’ was getting in the way of my helping my daughter.

So I then took several deep, cleansing breathes. I re-focused my mind. I opened my soul and began pulling out the pain. The wailing strengthened. I hesitated and pulled back. She calmed down a bit. I started pulling pain again and the wailing worsened again. Again I hesitated. Again she calmed. I decided then to just push on again and so I did. After another 10 minutes of wailing her breathing had begun to fluctuate. I continued to pull out the pain. After 20 minutes, she started to blow her nose quietly, but she was still curled in my lap. It became time to heal. I began to push in warmth.

After some time, she sat up and pushed off my lap. I waited to see what she would do next. I watched as she gave herself a whole body shake and rolled her neck as if to shake out the rest of the hurt.

I sat and studied her. I was tempted to say or ask something. Anything. But I let her be alone in her head and pull herself together. It was probably only 5 minutes even though it felt longer in Mom years. Suddenly she turned and began to walk into the other room without saying a word. Startled, I asked, “So can you tell me what just happened?” She said she ‘just needed me.’ With that she just turned and left the room.

Sometimes it is easier to be a Qadishti priestess than a Mom.

Receiving

Yesterday, my wife and I were joined by our Path of the Qadishti peers to share some teachings on sacred touch as a connection tool to each other.

Sometimes I lead these, but yesterday I was struck by the need to be person receiving.

It is amazing what we accomplish by working together. Our group yesterday created sacred space, a magical space, that allowed each of us to receive or give as needed. I needed to receive, and that need was met.

All without ego, without hierarchy. Although there are styles and teaching, the true depth of this comes from within. Allowing yourself to breath out, relax, drop your shields and receive. Breath out, relax, and allow yourself to give.

Michael Mirdad mentions "The sexual healing process involves learning the difference between healthy (spiritually-centered) and unhealthy (ego-centered) sexual encounters"(1) and this was very apparent and felt yesterday in our small space. We were a group of people who were acting as one to heal all; acting as all to share in the one.





1 - Sacred Sexuality--A Manual for Living Bliss by: Michael Mirdad)

Karuna Blessing #1 - Connecting to the Inner Feminine

Anoint the third eye:
May you truly see
The Goddess’ divine beauty
Within yourself
And in everyone you meet

Anoint the left palm:
May you deeply feel
Her divine love

Anoint the right palm:
May you share that love
With others

Anoint the heart area:
May your heart be free
Of all negativity

Anoint the genital area:
May your genitals be honored
As Her divine instruments

© Inara de Luna, 2008

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Last spring, the Temple of the Red Lotus offered Karuna Sessions at the festivals we attended. Karuna is a Sanskrit word that roughly translates as “compassion.” These sessions were an opportunity for individuals to receive Sacred Touch in a formal, highly ritualized way from trained, compassionate, Qadishtu priests and priestesses. Each person went through the process individually, and received the full attention of all the Temple staff. When they first approached the entrance to the Temple, they were blessed and anointed (see above). They were then led into the Altar room, where they sat before the Altar and had their feet bathed by one of the priests or priestesses. At that time, boundaries and needs were discussed quietly, and then the seeker was led into the Inner Sanctum, where they were introduced to the other two or three priests or priestesses present. The seeker was invited to lie down on the mattress and then they were surrounded. Urged to relax and receive, the Seeker then enjoyed the ministrations of the priests and priestesses, within their stated boundaries. The Goddess often led us to say certain things and move the energy in certain ways, depending on what each individual seeker needed from Her.

Everyone who experienced this left that tent transformed. One young man told his Guide during the foot bathing that he desired to connect with his feminine side. During his session, I encouraged him to breathe into his internal feminine parts, to truly feel his inner Yoni as well as his outer Lingam. I moved the energy through his sacral chakra, until I felt him begin to loosen up. His breathing deepened, his muscles relaxed, and his receptivity widened broadly. He started being able to accept our ministrations without attempting to reciprocate, as he had been in the beginning. The Goddess spoke through me, honoring both his masculine and his inner feminine. By the end of his 15 minutes in our loving, healing, accepting, compassionate circle, he was smiling. I knew then that something had shifted deep within him, but it wasn’t until I saw him the following evening that I truly understood. This man who had been having trouble accessing and connecting to his inner feminine came prancing up to me in a short skirt and halter top. He practically squealed when he saw me and twirled to show off his new purchase! He said that his session so profoundly awakened his connection to his inner feminine that he just had to play with how it felt to dress like a woman. He was so excited and pleased, and grateful to the Temple and those of us who had helped him reach a place of feeling comfortable experimenting with his gender.

I am a Qadishtu

Each and everyone of us wear different hats throughout the day. Sometimes I wear the Soccer Mom hat, sometimes I wear the Organizer hat, several times during the day I wear the Mom of Teenagers hat, etc.
Every role that I take on can be both aggravating and wonderful and sometimes both at the same time!

One of the hats (hereafter referred to as a veil) that I really am growing to love is that of a Sacred Sensuality Facilitator also known by some as Qadishti. Even this hat can be both aggravating and wonderful at different times. But this is one hat that encourages me that Life can be rewarding and gives me hope that I can reach out and help people who ask for help.

I am a Qadishtu.

Sometimes I doubt myself in this. Sometimes I doubt more than other times.
But then I get a reminder from someone else.

There was a night, not too long ago, when I was involved in a ritual where I was learning, but not quite connecting as I felt that I should. Something didn’t feel just right. I was tempted to step aside and meditate.

The Goddess Aphrodite has been flitting around me all night. She doesn’t ever stay for long, she just stops by occasionally. It is actually rather annoying, but one thing I have learned is to not argue with a God, at least not to their face. So I try to reason with Goddess Aphrodite. Not so good either.

As the ritual circle passes around again, I find myself with one of my loves, and we begin the left-eye connection with our right hands over our partner’s heart. Ok, now this I can connect with!!

I am now thinking how glad I am that I did stay and didn’t leave to meditate, when, suddenly my body turns and walks away. I am leaving my partner without a word as I begin walking towards another dancer.

As I approach, I open my arms and enfold this young lady in my arms. She doesn’t hesitate. She lays her head on my shoulder and cries silently. I think that it almost would be better if she would wail and let out her anguish.

At this point, the Goddess Aphrodite is more me than I am me. Aphrodite speaks through me and tells me that I am there to comfort this young lady who is trying to hide her pain in regards to her significant other who is mocking her interest in this search for spiritual enlightenment.

I pull her back from my shoulder and Aphrodite raises my hand to brush back this young ladies hair and gently stroke her face. I find my hand wiping away her new tears and then I begin to speak Aphrodite’s words, “You are a beautiful and strong person. You are a Goddess. You must find and love the Goddess within you before you can expect another to love your Goddess”.

Throughout this time, I am gently caressing this young ladies face and she even turns her head into the cup of my palm seeking re-assurance.

Now I realize that my partner, one of my loves, is with us in the embrace. He is here listening and offering his support. He understands, even better than I do, that it is Aphrodite speaking and holding this young lady in pain. The three of us are swaying to music in harmony. I am starting to learn that dance is as much about touch as it is about rhythm.

The dancers continue to circle about us, but we three are in our own little bubble. Aphrodite continues to speak through me to encourage this young lady to love herself and that she is a Goddess herself. (I don’t even remember all the words that she spoke, but my dance partner/lover ensures me that it was quite lovely to hear.)



We do rejoin the other revelers and the dance again. I am now back completely in myself and Aphrodite is gone. I say a prayer of thanks that she chose my body to help heal. I am not at all familiar with having a Goddess or God or anyone in me, and this was the first time that I really could open myself up enough to let any of them inside me and yet feel every sensation. It was awesome and yet aggravating and wonderful as well. I found it was much like any of the other hats that I sometimes wear.

I am a Qadishtu.

Sacred Touch

This is something that happened to me a couple of months ago, and I thought I would share.

Dan (my husband) and I were at a Leather Event and I participated in the Dom/sub auction. This is where you can bid on a person for a certain service that they offer themselves up for, and then the money goes for charity. I had offered myself up for energy work and a submissive that we know, bid on and bought me.


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j was very excited about having won the bid for me. I was excited too. I was bought to do something that I love to do……sacred touch.

We were supposed to do the scene that night at the event, but neither of us were in any shape to do so. We both had been through intense scenes with our partners and were still floating too high to do an energy scene. So, we decided to follow through with it at the pool party the next day.

I was actually a little nervous because I'm not used to topping. Though, I am a priestess and know how to do Reiki sessions and such, but Reiki (the way I do it so far), doesn't involve sexual energy. What i wanted to do with j, was going to involve sexual energy, because that is what she wanted. She had participated in a sacred touch tent that my husband and I had facilitated last year, and wanted to go further. So, I made sure to watch another energy worker Saturday night. That gave me some ideas. Plus, I've watched my husband, Dan with many women over the last decade and decided to copy a little of His style as well. He is a Qadesh and it shows when he’s with someone.

We get to the pool party and j is very excited about this. I'm still a little nervous, but very much looking forward to giving this a try. I plan on doing Reiki and sacred touch and see where it goes from there. j and i head for the basement play area. We are the only ones there and j turns down the music. I asked them what they have in mind. j says they want to experience more of the sacred touch. I did some negotiation with j...asked how comfortable they were with getting naked, etc. Since this person is a gender bender (meant in a very loving way), i wanted to make sure i didn't cross any gender boundaries. They were very honest and open with me and negotiation went well. This was a first for me. I've never negotiated as a 'top'.

This person was ok with getting naked and asked if they should strip. I told them that we would get to that, but that I would help them. Again, a trick I got from Dan. Slowly, I charged up my energy field and started touching their body, kissing and licking their skin. I whispered to them how not only the hands are a gateway to energy, but so is the tongue. The noises they made were delightful. I made love to this persons body with my touch through their clothes. I made love to them without touching them at all. I charged my intent with love and passion and played in their energy field.

I spent a lot of time undressing this person. Slow and sensual. At the first sacred touch tent event, they had kept on their underclothes. Not this time. They were more sure of their body. They were trusting with what I had in mind for them. It was so amazing. And the light kisses....*sigh* I loved this person. I could tell by the look in their eyes that they were feeling the love that I was touching them with.

I finally asked them to get up onto the massage table and then spent a lot of time giving Reiki, sacred touch, balancing chakras and clearing their energy. I could feel their walls completely crumble. They became totally relaxed and just allowed me to be intuitive and let my hands touch, stroke and caress.

j allowed theirself to be vulnerable and open. We talked later and this was very healing for them.

To have someone so trusting and receptive under my hands....what a joy. I was so honored.

Qadishtu Outer Court

Qadishtu Outer Court from Saturday night
Over the weekend, I was fortunate enough to be attending a lovely Tantra event. (I feel that I can never seem to learn enough and I find that there are so many 'coincidental similarities' between so many of the Sacred Paths, that the overlap lessons are always beneficial)While there I was able to assist with some limited Qadishtu work in what many of the Qadishtu movement refer to as the Outer Court.

Prior to the Ritual, there is always a briefing class to cover the guidelines for anyone who is new to the art. The layout of the ritual area is shown, in this case, we had a twin size air mattress in the Center that the Seeker would be able to lay upon and then some blankets and pillows for the High Priest and High Priestess, and all the givers, some of whom are Qadishtu trained.

Limitations are explained as any activity that you, as a seeker, do not feel comfortable with having done while you are in the Center. Some limitations might include only being touched where there is no clothing, i.e., only on bare skin, or only a firm touch and not a lighter touch that might tickle, or a light touch and not a firm touch that will hurt sore muscles, or not being kissed on the mouth by anyone other than a fluid-bonded partner, and someone might explain that they have recently had gall bladder surgery and so to not touch their stomach area at all. These are just some of the many limitations that people can mention.

Also, a safe word can be used at any point and ALL activity is stopped. This safe word is for the seeker, or the person in the middle, when perhaps the emotions get to intense or the touch is more than they can deal with at this time. The safe word is in place for each person’s protection. Sometimes the touch can be joyful and arousing. Sometimes, if not frequently, the touch of others can bring issues to the forefront. Perhaps, a loving touch is a reminder that a seeker does not get enough loving touch in their personal lives. Perhaps, a loving touch is a reminder of a past love whose chapter is not resolved. Perhaps, the loving touch is a remembrance of a Mother’s touch who recently passed. There is no shame in calling out the safe word. It is just a word of protection. Any issues brought up should be further examined. If appropriate, the examination can take place at the end of the ceremony with any of the Priests or Priestess with whom a seeker has a connection. If not at the end of the ceremony, then a seeker needs to do some self-evaluation in the hopes of working on this issue to gain enlightenment.

Preferences are explained as any activity that you, when a seeker, would like to have done to you that you enjoy. Some of the preferences sited, were that they liked their hair played with, or their feet handled in a loving manner, or kisses on their neck, or nipple play is ok but just not too rough, or that they were a dessert plate – defined as pretty much anything and everything is wonderful. This is just a short list of preferences.

The group settles around the mattress and the High Priestess begins with a prayer to close and bless the area and then an invocation of her Deity whom she prefers to work with. Then each of us was invited to pray or invoke any of our own Deities. Some people just prayed for guidance, some asked for the Goddess Inanna or Gaia or Pan among others to join us in this Sacred Space.

A moment of silence is shared.

Then the High Priestess asks for a volunteer for the center. In this case, the seeker was just biding her time until the offer was given. She gave her name and her limitations and her preferences as only someone experienced can list that quickly. She lay back on the cushions and each of us (healers) placed a hand on her body in a gentle and loving manner so as to acclimate her body for continued touch.

Many of the healers followed a pattern of touch where their hands flowed over the seeker’s body in a rhythmic manner. Some healers just used a more random stroke all over the permitted area. One healer worked with the energy given off from the head. Personally, I tend to close my eyes and let my hands see the colors inside and that guides me to an area that needs a positive energy gift. But the work for this particular seeker progressed for about 15 minutes.

A side note here: not all healers need touch all seekers. There are times when healers need to center or ground themselves. Sometimes a healer will not feel comfortable with a particular seeker, and this is an ok feeling and must be respected.

The next seeker is up and lists off several limitations and a request for a much lighter touch. He only wishes to be touched by women and prefers not to have a man touch him. This is a perfectly fine request. It is much better to be honest than it is to feel uncomfortable. The time in the center of the circle is meant to be loving and comforting allowing the mind to float in a relaxed state. If this man had not mentioned that he didn’t want another’s man touch, than he would have not allowed himself to fully relax and to continue to fret over who was touching him.
This particular man called out his safe word after only about 7 – 8 minutes. He was relaxed but then a sudden noise from outside the circle interrupted his peace and he wanted to re-group before continuing.

Much of this night’s Outer Court was very fluid and laughter filled. This is rather unusual as generally this time is more somber but tonight there was a certain playfulness in the air. Many of the seekers found a joyful and positive space in which to reflect. Many of the healers, although serious in their work, also were able to thrive off the joy in the seeker’s response. More than once, there was laughter heard around the circle at the end of the seeker’s time in the center. One man couldn’t even speak because he couldn’t stop smiling. He would start and the words were gibberish and then he would giggle which of course made all of us giggle.

This levity is unusual, but it was the right mood at the right time for this particular Outer Court. One person who had invoked Pan, even commented that maybe Pan was present and being his usual mischievous self. Whatever the reason, all involved had their moods lightened.

The group went through 9 seekers on this particular evening. Each seeker built on the sacred energy that the previous seeker left. There were plenty of healers so that no one healer over-worked themselves. The air was alive with divine love and energy.

At the conclusion, our High Priestess, asked us all to gather together in a prayer of conclusion and to re-open the circle. As is customary, the energy gathered with the group is sent out into the world to help wherever such energy is best utilized.

Tonight, the High Priestess cast our Sacred Energy into the bonfire and WHOOOSHHH, the fire grew brighter and taller as it accepted our energy. If I had not seen the fire grow so intensely, I would not have believed it possible, but the fire did swell. It was a site that caused many of the revelers who were outside the Outer Court to stop and take notice. Some of them just nodded sagely and some others just looked at us like we had two heads. Well, in a way, some of us did have two heads: we had our human form, and then we also wore the head of whatever God-form whom we invoked.

There is a power when we allow a God to work thru our human hands and allow the energy from the God to help with Sacred Touch. It was present for all to see that night.

After the fire went WHOOOOSHHH (just like that word!), the drummers began their rhythmic, intoxicating drumming. Most of our group stayed up at the fire for several more hours just soaking up the sexual energy that had been raised. Even I, with my leg in a brace and generally in too much pain to generally move much by evening, danced with many of the other revelers. And one thing that I found interesting was, that even though I danced and talked and walked all over, I had very little pain. My gait was even improved. Now, that was some impressive energy!!

Most of the people at the fire, and not just those in our group, but many of the people who came up after we finished our ritual, commented that there ‘was something different in the air’ that night. There was a difference: it was called Love and Acceptance and a Release of Tensions caused by our normal, societal stigmas that inhibit us from being Free.

Namaste
Lyndsay