Just Having Fun

“Can Tantra help me with erectile dysfunction?” Robert asked, as he clasped his hands and leaned forward.

This was our first session. He was an older man, with white hair and saggy muscles. His blue eyes looked at me hopefully.

“Well, there are a lot of reasons for that, so it can be complicated. Let’s start with the easiest ones first – the physical causes. Have you seen a doctor about this?”

“Yes, he didn’t find anything wrong.”

“Do you smoke?”

“No,” he answered.

“Good. Smoking will constrict the blood flow to the penis and make it harder to have an erection. How much exercise do you get?”

“Well, I don’t do very much.”

“You might try adding some aerobic exercise to your daily routine. If you have good circulation, then you’re more likely to get good blow flow.”

I continued to ask him questions about his physical health – diabetes, antidepressants, and his general health condition. Nothing seemed to be out of the ordinary, so I moved into another area.

“Sometimes when you focus upon trying to get an erection too much, it actually gets in the way. You give yourself performance pressure. When you think to yourself, ‘I wonder if I’ll stay soft this time,’ your brain hears ‘stay soft’ and it cooperates.”

He chuckled a little. “Yes, I can see that.”

“One thing that Tantra teaches is to just stay in the moment, without an agenda of what should happen. You can enjoy the sensations of sexual touch whether you have an erection or not. If you’re working hard to have an erection, then sex becomes work, not fun. And isn’t is supposed to be fun?”

“Yes, I guess it is.”

“So let’s try a little experiment. Let me pleasure you, and instead of trying to make something happen, let yourself just have fun.”

“Ok,” he agreed. “Sounds good to me.”

As I touched him, I made sure to include his whole body, with only incidental touches to his lingam. I made my pace leisurely, reminding him from time to time to focus just upon the touch in the moment without needing it to go anywhere next. His body responded to my touch with relaxation, and he began to drift.

Soon, his penis began to enlarge. I began to focus more upon it, adding lubricant to make a sensuous slippery feel. His mouth opened in arousal and his lingam got harder.

“Oh, that feels good,” he breathed.

“Good, I’m glad you’re enjoying it. Just continue to pay attention to each touch, as if you have never been touched before. Notice how it is different one moment to the next.”

I encircled the base of his penis with my thumb and fingers, trapping the blood and creating a full erection. My other hand continued to glide over his lingam.

“Oh! I’m going to come!” he exclaimed.

“Good, let yourself do that,” I purred.

His body stiffened and his face reddened as he ejaculated. Soon, he collapsed into a complete relaxation. Moments passed in silence as I continued to cup his genitals in my hands.

“Thank you so much.” He slowly opened his eyes and looked at me. “It’s been a really long time since that happened.”

“See what happens when you drop the goal and stay in the moment?” I smiled at him. “Did you have fun?”

“Yes, it was great fun! Much better than working at it,” he laughed.

“Now you know what is possible. You can do this again.”


(This is an excerpt from my book, Tales of a Sacred Prostitute.)

Star power

A few weeks back, we set up our Scarlet Sanctuary at an event and opened the door. The idea of the Scarlet Sanctuary, the way we do it, is simple - we provide loving, compassionate, non threatening sensual touch to anyone that wants to experience it. Everyone, regardless of race or age or size or style, is greeted with Qadishti Eyes of acceptance and that Heinlein sense of "Thou Art God/dess". They are brought inside and intimately led to receive.

(Receiving, we discovered, is very hard for some people. For lots of people. Just to lay there and allow yourself to just be, just receive erotic touch, and not feel like you are supposed to do anything).

As it happened, "Everyone, regardless of..." was tested for me personally at this event, as I found myself working on a 'Star'. Now, I do not mean TV Star or a Hollywood Star (although she may be in movies). But in this case, she is a star of the erotic circles. Would you have heard of her? Well, if you run in my circles, then yes, but the fact that I knew who she was, and she was one of the first people I ever saw lecture, was threatening to throw me off balance. Both my own sense of awe at working with her and my own ego (look who I am working on) were observed as possibly causing this to be less than sacred.

Until we got started. Once we got started, it was no longer about her as The Star, nor was it about Me the Qadesh Working with the Star, it was just two people. It just a receiver and a giver. She simply was another human, another person, full of sensual love. I was just a giver, allowing my ego to sleep while I ministered to another of the beutiful beings that inhabit the world.

Beyond that, her response and mine, become a matter like many other sessions, but one too private feeling to post here.

The important thing I took away from this experience is not that everyone is just another person. But instead, something that I was told at the very first sacred sexuality event I ever went to was brought to mind - "Everyone is a star"

The Lady of the Dark Fire

I saw a client yesterday who was in crisis. She had been fighting with her boyfriend, and her neck was hurting badly. As I laid my hands upon her neck, I told her that it was all right to cry. Soon she was sobbing loudly.

She moved around the floor into different positions, crying and then screaming. She remembered being molested at age seven, in the dark. I stayed with her, following her energy.

Then she sat up. Her body softened, and she started saying “OK” over and over. I asked her permission, then held her yoni with one hand. My other hand touched her spine lightly as she rocked her body. I didn’t know exactly what was happening, but I knew that it was important.

She got to a place where she could talk again, and told me what had happened. A goddess had spoken to her, one who is of the dark fire. The goddess told her that it was time to dedicate her life to the dark fire, that she could make no more plans of her own. It was time to serve the dark fire. My client surrendered to this, and was at peace with it, even though she didn’t know what it meant.

Today she called me and told me that the session yesterday had changed her life. She was more relaxed at work than she had ever been. She is willing and even excited to do this service.

It is such a privilege to be a midwife for such an opening. I am honored to do this work.

D the Music Man

Do you remember when you were a kid and you got all excited on Easter morning looking in your Easter basket for all of those goodies? Ahh, there it is. That grand prize of a foil wrapped confection. You would close your eyes and reverently embrace that rabbit in both hands and slowly unwrap the foil, careful not to break the fine covering. Mmmmm. Chocolate. Ok, enough of this torture. You would quickly go to nibble on the ears. Crush. Crumbles would fall into your lap at that same moment that you realized that the bunny was hollow. Sigh.
My memories of the hollow Easter chocolate bunny became my frame of reference for a man called D.
I met D thru on a BDSM website. I had been replying to a thread on Sacred Healing and Sacred Trust and he contacted me with further questions. From there we chatted numerous times. D was a student at a local university and so after several months we met for coffee.
D was from a strict Jewish family and his upbringing was crammed with numerous protocols stymieing his sexual exploration. He spoke of a fear of being in close proximity to any human, especially in an intimate setting. He wanted to work with me, in particular, because I had agreed to his decree for no sexual intercourse. D was saving that intimacy for marriage. D wanted to overcome some of his biases, but still he wanted to learn to be a ‘stud lover’ as he termed as this was his interpretation of a 'perfect man'. He wasn’t sure what he needed, just felt that his awkward advances would be a deterrent to a potential mate.
D doubted that there was much I could help him with, while I felt that we had plenty of material on which to work. We started with simple breathing and non-sexual touch. We did sensual, not sexual, touch. We worked on concentration and meditation. I did healing touch work on him. I felt that I was making the tiniest dent in his armor and strived to work harder. Suddenly, he got frustrated and said that I had wasted his time and asked me to leave.
I was angry with myself for not reading his needs correctly. I castigated myself and conferred with some friends. Then D called me and groveled. So we met again. He brought me flowers and explained his confusion. So we started over.
Until D got panicky, that is and I left once more.
I tried multiple times to include a cohort or to refer him to another priestess. D was always insistent that he had made progress with me as his guide.
When we began, D was working on his Master’s degree in Music Methodology. Over the years, he has studied abroad twice, finished his Masters, and now, has almost finished his PhD.
I have worked with D intermittently over this period. Even when he was out of the country, we would communicate by Internet. But, each time that I felt I was making some small, miniscule, almost-to-be-hoped-for progress, D would retreat. I vowed to not work with him again. Yet, D would return pleading, sometimes even with the sound of music, for my help.
That man could sure make some beautiful music. That man had a smile that made your toes tingle. That man seemed to be one to ‘take home to Mama’.
That man was just as empty as my chocolate Easter bunny when it came to being cozy and intimate and comfortable in his own skin and just as yummy on the inside as the outside.
Have I helped D at all?

Have I given him any tools to guide him with intimacy?
I don’t rightly know at this point. D is not speaking with me again.

Scarlet Sanctuary and the abdl

I have many stories from the evening at Winter Wickedness and our time in the Scarlet Sanctuary, but the one that stands out for me is my session with the 'adult baby diaper lover'. I knew this was going to happen, as they had emailed me before hand to see if I'd be able to do it.

When I first received the email, my first reaction was that I wouldn't be able to do it. With my triggers, it was asking for trouble. Dan said he'd take care of writing them back to gently let them know that I wouldn't be able to do such a session. But, we both sat there and thought about it and I told him that it felt like I was supposed to do this. He said he had the same feeling. So, I looked within myself and decided to give it a try. I've been through a lot of work and healing over the last years and this would be a way that I could help someone else.

We talked more with the couple over the following weeks and I told them what my triggers were. But, that since he was a male, I was going to give it a try. They were very appreciative.

Saturday night rolls around and it's time for the session of sacred touch. I went to the altar and called on my Priestess side and then went out to greet them.

We put 2 tables together so that we could work on both members of the couple at the same time. Feeling the energy of the abdl, I could see that he needed to have her close by. He was in child mode. He called me 'Miss Dawn', like an obedient child and I proceeded to undress him. He helped out in the manner that a child would. We set his teddy bear off to the side in a safe place and I proceeded to walk him to the table. I had someone else helping me at the time with the girl, undressing her and such, so that I wouldn't have to leave the guy alone while dealing with the gal. He was in such a space that it wouldn't have been good for me to leave him alone during any point of this. He was very vulnerable and I considered him very brave to be doing this at all. That is what kept going through my head...how brave he was. Though it was a kinky event that we were at, abdl's still get looked at funny. But, there really isnt' any other place for them to go and let that side of themselves out.

Well, I got him on the table after he whispered to me asking if I was going to be ok with him wearing a diaper. Oddly enough, I was perfectly fine with it. I thought it would be a shame for him to have to take it off just to make me feel better. My heart was telling me that he needed to be embraced completely while in this mode. He needed to be accepted and loved. It was no different than the trans persons that had come in through the night. It was someone that needed loving touch, while in their alternate persona. And that's what I gave him. I opened my heart and gave him love. His energy was so warm and gentle. Hers was caring and loving for him.

After about 20 - 25 minutes, me and my helper were both finished. We helped the couple up and helped them get re-dressed. Both of them had huge smiles on their faces.

When done with the session, I went to the statue and gave it all the icky stuff that I had pulled from his belly. More energy to be used later.

I thanked the Goddess for allowing me to experience such a moment.

They told me later that it had been more than what they had imagined. All through the night if they saw me taking a break out in the hall, they would stop me and say how much they had appreciated the experience.

No triggers for me. I was actually able to channel pretty well and got some messages from the Goddess. I'm still processing those.

It was a beautiful, loving experience.

--- dawn

getting it

Recently, we were at an event in Washington, DC, and someone requested we do a "scene". Now, a scene can range from anywhere to highly sexual to BDSM exploration to other kinds of intimate interaction.

This person, whom we'll call A, was a little vague on what she wanted. She had seen us present two classes, one on Sacred Sexuality, another an introduction to BDSM, so we were not sure which way she wanted to approach this. As we started to negotiate (very important, creating a clear understanding of what we were all looking for and what limits we wanted in place), it simply wasn't becoming clear.

Sometimes the heart knows it has a need, but we can have difficulty expressing it, either from a lack of being taught it was ok to ask, from being uncertain/fearing rejection, or simply not having the language.

What she needed was intimacy. Being connected. Being touched. Being valued. Being accepted as a member of the human family, cherished by each other.

We ended up settling on a scene that was based on simple touch. Stroking, carressing, connecting touch. It was intimate, mildly erotic, and a wonderful opprotunity for her to practice receiving and for us to practice giving.

50 people

Over this past weekend, a group of us ran a Scarlet Sanctuary at an event in Ohio. During the 6 hour period we ran, we administered sacred touch to 50 people.

To say we were tired after it was over is an understatement.

It was really something to see so many people come through, with such interest, and need.

One person wept while another had an energetic orgasm. And we, as facilitators, did not 'cause' either of this reactions, but instead simply...assisted people to become vulnerable to sexuality, to intimacy, to whatever it is they needed to be.

I recall having one woman I was working on go from nervous, to relaxed, to meditative, and then to energized and erotically awake. It was an amazing transformation for her, and for me, to be part of that journey.

A Soldier's Sexual Healing Ritual

The following is the description of a ritual I performed with a veteran of the Iraq wars, four years after his return. These are his words and he has given me permission to share them here.

Inara


"The night began as I took a shower to cleanse myself and bring myself into my water spirit for the ritual of my life. I showered and cleaned until I felt fresh and good for the powers that would be. I dried and dressed myself in pants fit for a warrior in dress after returning from battle.

As I came into the living room, I could smell the perfumes in the air and the music dance within my thoughts. I began to meditate and as I did, I felt the music take over my senses and move my body. I was there in my mind, but something else took over my body. The music began to make me dance. I felt my body in a grace that mundane injuries and age would never allow me to perform. This dance seemed to be watched. As if proving myself worth to the Goddess to be seen in ritual. After some time, I took the apple of my offering and faced the temple entrance and began to meditate to calm my nerves and quiet my mind.

It was then I heard a chime. It awoke me from my quiet mind. A second chime, I arose from my position and as if in a transient state of mind, I moved toward a shadowed figure before me. A third chime came and I was welcomed into the temple to face an altar of beauty and strength. I took a seat and thought to myself and to quiet my mind. As I did this, a hum came to my ears. A dream like state coming to me as my mind quieted and began to sway to the hum of the sound made.

My eyes fluttered open as a chime rang and I was myself, but not. I saw with my eyes and spoke with my voice, but my body moved in a grace not of my own and words came from a time beyond my own. I placed my offering with a prayer and stood. The shadowed figure called upon a circle and Eriskagal, the Goddess of Death and the Underworld, to join us. I prayed and called upon Isis to join my side and give me the strength she has always laid upon me as her son.

As this came to a full circle, Eriskigal appeared before my eyes. Her eyes a clouded mist, as if death took over her eyes and gazed upon me. I fell to my knees and praised her. Questions spoke from her mouth that came with answer from mine of truth and experience. Wishing to understand why and what I must learn and to rid myself of the grief and guilt I have suffered from for so many years.

After this, a blade was placed upon my chest for a choice to make in my life. To receive the death I have given by my hand, or life and understanding of what has been placed before me. I chose life and from there, I began my third and final cord cutting, releasing a dear friend, taken by death from my arms, to leave me and him in peace. Gathering my strength to stand once the cords cut, I moved to my knees before the Dark Goddess. She spoke of my being her son, her warrior, dealing her death by my hand and carrying out her will by my body.

It was then; she offered her body, in maiden form, to offering healing to my body, mind, and soul. We carried, hand in hand, to the bed and love was spoken and made in healing that night. I knew the movement of my body, but could only see by actions and feel my breath. Her moans grew within my mind and a blissful wipe came to my soul and happiness filled my being in ways no words could explain. Pleasure rose from all aspects of my body and mind and it carried me own to give the Goddess pleasures a woman would enjoy. Once the peak and climax of spiritual and physical orgasm was reached, we lay there within one another's arms and welcomed this blessing and love shared upon both our bodies and minds.

We then closed the circle and gave thanks to our guardians and the strength and pleasures we embraced in."