Just Having Fun

“Can Tantra help me with erectile dysfunction?” Robert asked, as he clasped his hands and leaned forward.

This was our first session. He was an older man, with white hair and saggy muscles. His blue eyes looked at me hopefully.

“Well, there are a lot of reasons for that, so it can be complicated. Let’s start with the easiest ones first – the physical causes. Have you seen a doctor about this?”

“Yes, he didn’t find anything wrong.”

“Do you smoke?”

“No,” he answered.

“Good. Smoking will constrict the blood flow to the penis and make it harder to have an erection. How much exercise do you get?”

“Well, I don’t do very much.”

“You might try adding some aerobic exercise to your daily routine. If you have good circulation, then you’re more likely to get good blow flow.”

I continued to ask him questions about his physical health – diabetes, antidepressants, and his general health condition. Nothing seemed to be out of the ordinary, so I moved into another area.

“Sometimes when you focus upon trying to get an erection too much, it actually gets in the way. You give yourself performance pressure. When you think to yourself, ‘I wonder if I’ll stay soft this time,’ your brain hears ‘stay soft’ and it cooperates.”

He chuckled a little. “Yes, I can see that.”

“One thing that Tantra teaches is to just stay in the moment, without an agenda of what should happen. You can enjoy the sensations of sexual touch whether you have an erection or not. If you’re working hard to have an erection, then sex becomes work, not fun. And isn’t is supposed to be fun?”

“Yes, I guess it is.”

“So let’s try a little experiment. Let me pleasure you, and instead of trying to make something happen, let yourself just have fun.”

“Ok,” he agreed. “Sounds good to me.”

As I touched him, I made sure to include his whole body, with only incidental touches to his lingam. I made my pace leisurely, reminding him from time to time to focus just upon the touch in the moment without needing it to go anywhere next. His body responded to my touch with relaxation, and he began to drift.

Soon, his penis began to enlarge. I began to focus more upon it, adding lubricant to make a sensuous slippery feel. His mouth opened in arousal and his lingam got harder.

“Oh, that feels good,” he breathed.

“Good, I’m glad you’re enjoying it. Just continue to pay attention to each touch, as if you have never been touched before. Notice how it is different one moment to the next.”

I encircled the base of his penis with my thumb and fingers, trapping the blood and creating a full erection. My other hand continued to glide over his lingam.

“Oh! I’m going to come!” he exclaimed.

“Good, let yourself do that,” I purred.

His body stiffened and his face reddened as he ejaculated. Soon, he collapsed into a complete relaxation. Moments passed in silence as I continued to cup his genitals in my hands.

“Thank you so much.” He slowly opened his eyes and looked at me. “It’s been a really long time since that happened.”

“See what happens when you drop the goal and stay in the moment?” I smiled at him. “Did you have fun?”

“Yes, it was great fun! Much better than working at it,” he laughed.

“Now you know what is possible. You can do this again.”


(This is an excerpt from my book, Tales of a Sacred Prostitute.)

Star power

A few weeks back, we set up our Scarlet Sanctuary at an event and opened the door. The idea of the Scarlet Sanctuary, the way we do it, is simple - we provide loving, compassionate, non threatening sensual touch to anyone that wants to experience it. Everyone, regardless of race or age or size or style, is greeted with Qadishti Eyes of acceptance and that Heinlein sense of "Thou Art God/dess". They are brought inside and intimately led to receive.

(Receiving, we discovered, is very hard for some people. For lots of people. Just to lay there and allow yourself to just be, just receive erotic touch, and not feel like you are supposed to do anything).

As it happened, "Everyone, regardless of..." was tested for me personally at this event, as I found myself working on a 'Star'. Now, I do not mean TV Star or a Hollywood Star (although she may be in movies). But in this case, she is a star of the erotic circles. Would you have heard of her? Well, if you run in my circles, then yes, but the fact that I knew who she was, and she was one of the first people I ever saw lecture, was threatening to throw me off balance. Both my own sense of awe at working with her and my own ego (look who I am working on) were observed as possibly causing this to be less than sacred.

Until we got started. Once we got started, it was no longer about her as The Star, nor was it about Me the Qadesh Working with the Star, it was just two people. It just a receiver and a giver. She simply was another human, another person, full of sensual love. I was just a giver, allowing my ego to sleep while I ministered to another of the beutiful beings that inhabit the world.

Beyond that, her response and mine, become a matter like many other sessions, but one too private feeling to post here.

The important thing I took away from this experience is not that everyone is just another person. But instead, something that I was told at the very first sacred sexuality event I ever went to was brought to mind - "Everyone is a star"

D the Music Man

Do you remember when you were a kid and you got all excited on Easter morning looking in your Easter basket for all of those goodies? Ahh, there it is. That grand prize of a foil wrapped confection. You would close your eyes and reverently embrace that rabbit in both hands and slowly unwrap the foil, careful not to break the fine covering. Mmmmm. Chocolate. Ok, enough of this torture. You would quickly go to nibble on the ears. Crush. Crumbles would fall into your lap at that same moment that you realized that the bunny was hollow. Sigh.
My memories of the hollow Easter chocolate bunny became my frame of reference for a man called D.
I met D thru on a BDSM website. I had been replying to a thread on Sacred Healing and Sacred Trust and he contacted me with further questions. From there we chatted numerous times. D was a student at a local university and so after several months we met for coffee.
D was from a strict Jewish family and his upbringing was crammed with numerous protocols stymieing his sexual exploration. He spoke of a fear of being in close proximity to any human, especially in an intimate setting. He wanted to work with me, in particular, because I had agreed to his decree for no sexual intercourse. D was saving that intimacy for marriage. D wanted to overcome some of his biases, but still he wanted to learn to be a ‘stud lover’ as he termed as this was his interpretation of a 'perfect man'. He wasn’t sure what he needed, just felt that his awkward advances would be a deterrent to a potential mate.
D doubted that there was much I could help him with, while I felt that we had plenty of material on which to work. We started with simple breathing and non-sexual touch. We did sensual, not sexual, touch. We worked on concentration and meditation. I did healing touch work on him. I felt that I was making the tiniest dent in his armor and strived to work harder. Suddenly, he got frustrated and said that I had wasted his time and asked me to leave.
I was angry with myself for not reading his needs correctly. I castigated myself and conferred with some friends. Then D called me and groveled. So we met again. He brought me flowers and explained his confusion. So we started over.
Until D got panicky, that is and I left once more.
I tried multiple times to include a cohort or to refer him to another priestess. D was always insistent that he had made progress with me as his guide.
When we began, D was working on his Master’s degree in Music Methodology. Over the years, he has studied abroad twice, finished his Masters, and now, has almost finished his PhD.
I have worked with D intermittently over this period. Even when he was out of the country, we would communicate by Internet. But, each time that I felt I was making some small, miniscule, almost-to-be-hoped-for progress, D would retreat. I vowed to not work with him again. Yet, D would return pleading, sometimes even with the sound of music, for my help.
That man could sure make some beautiful music. That man had a smile that made your toes tingle. That man seemed to be one to ‘take home to Mama’.
That man was just as empty as my chocolate Easter bunny when it came to being cozy and intimate and comfortable in his own skin and just as yummy on the inside as the outside.
Have I helped D at all?

Have I given him any tools to guide him with intimacy?
I don’t rightly know at this point. D is not speaking with me again.

Scarlet Sanctuary and the abdl

I have many stories from the evening at Winter Wickedness and our time in the Scarlet Sanctuary, but the one that stands out for me is my session with the 'adult baby diaper lover'. I knew this was going to happen, as they had emailed me before hand to see if I'd be able to do it.

When I first received the email, my first reaction was that I wouldn't be able to do it. With my triggers, it was asking for trouble. Dan said he'd take care of writing them back to gently let them know that I wouldn't be able to do such a session. But, we both sat there and thought about it and I told him that it felt like I was supposed to do this. He said he had the same feeling. So, I looked within myself and decided to give it a try. I've been through a lot of work and healing over the last years and this would be a way that I could help someone else.

We talked more with the couple over the following weeks and I told them what my triggers were. But, that since he was a male, I was going to give it a try. They were very appreciative.

Saturday night rolls around and it's time for the session of sacred touch. I went to the altar and called on my Priestess side and then went out to greet them.

We put 2 tables together so that we could work on both members of the couple at the same time. Feeling the energy of the abdl, I could see that he needed to have her close by. He was in child mode. He called me 'Miss Dawn', like an obedient child and I proceeded to undress him. He helped out in the manner that a child would. We set his teddy bear off to the side in a safe place and I proceeded to walk him to the table. I had someone else helping me at the time with the girl, undressing her and such, so that I wouldn't have to leave the guy alone while dealing with the gal. He was in such a space that it wouldn't have been good for me to leave him alone during any point of this. He was very vulnerable and I considered him very brave to be doing this at all. That is what kept going through my head...how brave he was. Though it was a kinky event that we were at, abdl's still get looked at funny. But, there really isnt' any other place for them to go and let that side of themselves out.

Well, I got him on the table after he whispered to me asking if I was going to be ok with him wearing a diaper. Oddly enough, I was perfectly fine with it. I thought it would be a shame for him to have to take it off just to make me feel better. My heart was telling me that he needed to be embraced completely while in this mode. He needed to be accepted and loved. It was no different than the trans persons that had come in through the night. It was someone that needed loving touch, while in their alternate persona. And that's what I gave him. I opened my heart and gave him love. His energy was so warm and gentle. Hers was caring and loving for him.

After about 20 - 25 minutes, me and my helper were both finished. We helped the couple up and helped them get re-dressed. Both of them had huge smiles on their faces.

When done with the session, I went to the statue and gave it all the icky stuff that I had pulled from his belly. More energy to be used later.

I thanked the Goddess for allowing me to experience such a moment.

They told me later that it had been more than what they had imagined. All through the night if they saw me taking a break out in the hall, they would stop me and say how much they had appreciated the experience.

No triggers for me. I was actually able to channel pretty well and got some messages from the Goddess. I'm still processing those.

It was a beautiful, loving experience.

--- dawn

Qadishti Eyes

“Every closed eye is not sleeping, and every open eye is not seeing.” Bill Cosby

I usually try to watch where I am walking (yes, Grace is a nickname) but as I stand at an elevator waiting for the crowds to part, I begin to notice that I was the only person in site wearing a skirt, camisole and jacket in earth tones. To my left were suits in gray, black and navy. To my right were suits in navy, black and gray. I steal a quick glance over my shoulder and see a whole sea of blacks, navies and grays. I turn completely around and begin squinting my eyes, as if I am looking for someone, and as I squint, the sea of black, navy and gray blur into a vastness of muted dark with only miniscule specks of a lighter flesh color for faces.

Ughh! I need to see sunlight and the cerulean blue sky. Quickly.

The elevator dings its arrival and I turn and wait until the passengers exit before entering the cube myself. A smooth ride to the lobby and I am able to escape out the side door. Soon I am squinting for another reason even as I smile into the sunshine.

I share my smile with the other people around me. Another cluster of business suits all still pushing buttons on their blackberries, or gazing off into the parking lot with blank stares. A fascinating study of humans and how they can so disassociate with the living around them. I admit that it is easier to exclude yourself from intimacy especially when in public. But this is opposite to all the teachings that I learn in walking the Path of the Qadishti. As a Qadishti, I seek to make a connection with the stranger next to me just as much as I make a connection with any seeker.

My eyes drift shut as I think about how important my eyes are to my work. My eyes are the first link to seeing inside someone’s soul. My eyes are the windows to my heart, just as your eyes are the windows to your heart.

Previously on this very Blog, some of my colleagues have talked about the importance of eyes. We try to elucidate the significance of opening our eyes to truly see who is in front of us every waking moment. It is a labor of our love for this path in helping others open themselves as humans, as individuals, and as sexual beings. Our job is to help our seekers connect all the parts. This connection is our Qadishti labor of love.

50 people

Over this past weekend, a group of us ran a Scarlet Sanctuary at an event in Ohio. During the 6 hour period we ran, we administered sacred touch to 50 people.

To say we were tired after it was over is an understatement.

It was really something to see so many people come through, with such interest, and need.

One person wept while another had an energetic orgasm. And we, as facilitators, did not 'cause' either of this reactions, but instead simply...assisted people to become vulnerable to sexuality, to intimacy, to whatever it is they needed to be.

I recall having one woman I was working on go from nervous, to relaxed, to meditative, and then to energized and erotically awake. It was an amazing transformation for her, and for me, to be part of that journey.

safe

Last night, at a "munch" (social gathering before an event), I had a seeker, brand new to any 'alternative' experience come sit with me. We talked, and she shared some issues that brought her out tonight - issues with the boyfriend, sexuality, fear of her own lack of interest. We talked some and we will talk some more later perhaps.

But the hostess came to me and expressed her appriciation that someone could do that with me. "Do what?" I asked. "Come to you, a near stranger, and express her reason for being here, her fears, her self doubts. You give off that sense of safety. That people can share intimate details with you without fear of you (taking advantage of them)".

For me, it is very important to both give off that energy as well as to be that person who can be trusted. For a person to be able to work with a Qadishti and although sacred sexuality can be part of our work together, they are always safe and don't have to worry about sex being anything more than a helpful tool we can share. Never something taken....

Beginning to cultivate this aspect of myself began when I read the below passage....

“A male Tantrist’s attitude toward women is very different from the ordinary male’s. Indeed for the former, all woman embody Shakti and they are not a sex object to be courted for their favors or game to be hunted. Tantric men are neither Casanovas nor Don Juans. Even if she is alone with a male Tantrist, she has nothing to fear; she is totally safe and free to act in any way she pleases.She is respected and will never be bothered or harassed.” (Andre Van Lysebeth, Tantra:The Cult of the Feminine, 1995, p. 84)

Qadishtu Outer Court

Qadishtu Outer Court from Saturday night
Over the weekend, I was fortunate enough to be attending a lovely Tantra event. (I feel that I can never seem to learn enough and I find that there are so many 'coincidental similarities' between so many of the Sacred Paths, that the overlap lessons are always beneficial)While there I was able to assist with some limited Qadishtu work in what many of the Qadishtu movement refer to as the Outer Court.

Prior to the Ritual, there is always a briefing class to cover the guidelines for anyone who is new to the art. The layout of the ritual area is shown, in this case, we had a twin size air mattress in the Center that the Seeker would be able to lay upon and then some blankets and pillows for the High Priest and High Priestess, and all the givers, some of whom are Qadishtu trained.

Limitations are explained as any activity that you, as a seeker, do not feel comfortable with having done while you are in the Center. Some limitations might include only being touched where there is no clothing, i.e., only on bare skin, or only a firm touch and not a lighter touch that might tickle, or a light touch and not a firm touch that will hurt sore muscles, or not being kissed on the mouth by anyone other than a fluid-bonded partner, and someone might explain that they have recently had gall bladder surgery and so to not touch their stomach area at all. These are just some of the many limitations that people can mention.

Also, a safe word can be used at any point and ALL activity is stopped. This safe word is for the seeker, or the person in the middle, when perhaps the emotions get to intense or the touch is more than they can deal with at this time. The safe word is in place for each person’s protection. Sometimes the touch can be joyful and arousing. Sometimes, if not frequently, the touch of others can bring issues to the forefront. Perhaps, a loving touch is a reminder that a seeker does not get enough loving touch in their personal lives. Perhaps, a loving touch is a reminder of a past love whose chapter is not resolved. Perhaps, the loving touch is a remembrance of a Mother’s touch who recently passed. There is no shame in calling out the safe word. It is just a word of protection. Any issues brought up should be further examined. If appropriate, the examination can take place at the end of the ceremony with any of the Priests or Priestess with whom a seeker has a connection. If not at the end of the ceremony, then a seeker needs to do some self-evaluation in the hopes of working on this issue to gain enlightenment.

Preferences are explained as any activity that you, when a seeker, would like to have done to you that you enjoy. Some of the preferences sited, were that they liked their hair played with, or their feet handled in a loving manner, or kisses on their neck, or nipple play is ok but just not too rough, or that they were a dessert plate – defined as pretty much anything and everything is wonderful. This is just a short list of preferences.

The group settles around the mattress and the High Priestess begins with a prayer to close and bless the area and then an invocation of her Deity whom she prefers to work with. Then each of us was invited to pray or invoke any of our own Deities. Some people just prayed for guidance, some asked for the Goddess Inanna or Gaia or Pan among others to join us in this Sacred Space.

A moment of silence is shared.

Then the High Priestess asks for a volunteer for the center. In this case, the seeker was just biding her time until the offer was given. She gave her name and her limitations and her preferences as only someone experienced can list that quickly. She lay back on the cushions and each of us (healers) placed a hand on her body in a gentle and loving manner so as to acclimate her body for continued touch.

Many of the healers followed a pattern of touch where their hands flowed over the seeker’s body in a rhythmic manner. Some healers just used a more random stroke all over the permitted area. One healer worked with the energy given off from the head. Personally, I tend to close my eyes and let my hands see the colors inside and that guides me to an area that needs a positive energy gift. But the work for this particular seeker progressed for about 15 minutes.

A side note here: not all healers need touch all seekers. There are times when healers need to center or ground themselves. Sometimes a healer will not feel comfortable with a particular seeker, and this is an ok feeling and must be respected.

The next seeker is up and lists off several limitations and a request for a much lighter touch. He only wishes to be touched by women and prefers not to have a man touch him. This is a perfectly fine request. It is much better to be honest than it is to feel uncomfortable. The time in the center of the circle is meant to be loving and comforting allowing the mind to float in a relaxed state. If this man had not mentioned that he didn’t want another’s man touch, than he would have not allowed himself to fully relax and to continue to fret over who was touching him.
This particular man called out his safe word after only about 7 – 8 minutes. He was relaxed but then a sudden noise from outside the circle interrupted his peace and he wanted to re-group before continuing.

Much of this night’s Outer Court was very fluid and laughter filled. This is rather unusual as generally this time is more somber but tonight there was a certain playfulness in the air. Many of the seekers found a joyful and positive space in which to reflect. Many of the healers, although serious in their work, also were able to thrive off the joy in the seeker’s response. More than once, there was laughter heard around the circle at the end of the seeker’s time in the center. One man couldn’t even speak because he couldn’t stop smiling. He would start and the words were gibberish and then he would giggle which of course made all of us giggle.

This levity is unusual, but it was the right mood at the right time for this particular Outer Court. One person who had invoked Pan, even commented that maybe Pan was present and being his usual mischievous self. Whatever the reason, all involved had their moods lightened.

The group went through 9 seekers on this particular evening. Each seeker built on the sacred energy that the previous seeker left. There were plenty of healers so that no one healer over-worked themselves. The air was alive with divine love and energy.

At the conclusion, our High Priestess, asked us all to gather together in a prayer of conclusion and to re-open the circle. As is customary, the energy gathered with the group is sent out into the world to help wherever such energy is best utilized.

Tonight, the High Priestess cast our Sacred Energy into the bonfire and WHOOOSHHH, the fire grew brighter and taller as it accepted our energy. If I had not seen the fire grow so intensely, I would not have believed it possible, but the fire did swell. It was a site that caused many of the revelers who were outside the Outer Court to stop and take notice. Some of them just nodded sagely and some others just looked at us like we had two heads. Well, in a way, some of us did have two heads: we had our human form, and then we also wore the head of whatever God-form whom we invoked.

There is a power when we allow a God to work thru our human hands and allow the energy from the God to help with Sacred Touch. It was present for all to see that night.

After the fire went WHOOOOSHHH (just like that word!), the drummers began their rhythmic, intoxicating drumming. Most of our group stayed up at the fire for several more hours just soaking up the sexual energy that had been raised. Even I, with my leg in a brace and generally in too much pain to generally move much by evening, danced with many of the other revelers. And one thing that I found interesting was, that even though I danced and talked and walked all over, I had very little pain. My gait was even improved. Now, that was some impressive energy!!

Most of the people at the fire, and not just those in our group, but many of the people who came up after we finished our ritual, commented that there ‘was something different in the air’ that night. There was a difference: it was called Love and Acceptance and a Release of Tensions caused by our normal, societal stigmas that inhibit us from being Free.

Namaste
Lyndsay